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A Religion In Me
By Joshua B LeMaster
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
A Religion In Me
I'm a fellow Christian and a good man. Lately I've been pretty bad off in church because I've been questioning my religion most of the times when the preacher is going on his preaching rage. I don't understand why I've been like this. I believe everyone goes through this stage no matter how glued they are you their own religion. Sometimes I just sit there in church and think. Could it all be made up? If you look at it, there are tons of religions and everyone says it's true , but none of us really know for sure. I'm not here to preach that the Bible is fake or not because I'm not like that.
I stay to myself at all times, I'm not like the other church people. Most of them point fingers at each other and talk bad about each other, which I think is totally not right. I believe everyone in church should work together to keep this country together in a non violence way, but does anybody ever do it? All they tell you is to go to church and you'll learn the right way, but just because you go to church doesn't make you a wonderful person. I believe everyone should have at least one chance in Heaven. I think they're different ways to make it there too. You don't always have to go to church to get on God's side, but it would help. You got to be with your religion and stay strong with it, but that's something I haven't been doing lately. I feel bad for it, I know if I tell anyone, I will be told that I'm going to Hell. Which also I don't think that's right either. It's very mean to tell that to someone, it's not your command to tell people they're going to Hell.
"Believe in God and he will believe in you," Father Yailer said taking a deep breath. I sat back on my bench with my hands on my lap. I thought about what Father Yailer had said. I believe in God, but what if I failed him a few times, would he still believe in me? I didn't want to ask him that because I knew he would bring my self esteem down because that's what preachers do, they make you feel like crap when they can. I continued to listen to Father Yailer.
"Jesus died for our sins for a reason and you should not take advantage of that," Father Yailer said taking another deep breath. After that sentence, I thought about that too. I know Jesus died for our sins, but didn't Jesus sin too? Everyone says nobody's perfect, everyone makes mistakes. I still continued to listen to Father Yailer.
"Now come up here people and ask for forgiveness," Father Yailer said taking his third deep breath. I watched as a old woman walked up to the preacher. She knelt down in front of him. He hit her in the head.
"Your sins are gone!" Father Yailer yelled as loud as he could. I couldn't believe what I just saw. He had just hit an old woman in the head with his hand. I had never seen this type of thing in my life as long as I've been attending here. I continued watching the old woman who was still laying on the ground, she was not moving. One of the hardest things to see was that nobody was trying to help to old woman. I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked up to the preacher.
“What is wrong with you!” I yelled. The preacher stopped preaching and looked at me.
“I’m just taking the sins away!” Father Yailer yelled.
“You killed that old woman!”
“No I took her sins away!”
“She’s not moving!”
“But her sins are gone!”
“Fuck her sins!”
That was the last thing I remembered until I woke up. I looked around to check my surroundings. Nothing looked familiar except for Father Yailer who was standing above me smiling.
“Hello,” Father Yailer said still smiling. His teeth were real white.
“Where am I at?” I replied.
“Don’t worry about that.”
“Where am I!”
“No need to shout.”
“But where am I!”
“I said no need to shout,” Father Yailer said, as he slapped me in the face. I couldn’t do anything. I was strapped down into a chair.
“But where am I?” I said again.
“Since you want to know, you’re in the basement of the church.”
“I didn’t know the church had a basement.”
“It’s the place where we leave the people who had been bad to our Lord.”
“I wasn’t bad to him.”
“Don’t lie. I know you. I’ve been watching you. I can tell by your actions that you don’t believe in your faith. And after you said fuck her sins, I knew you were a demon in flesh.”
“I’m not a demon. I’m a human.”
“You’re a sin and this church doesn’t want you.”
“I’m not a sin. I’m a damn human.”
“You’re a sin and you deserve to die,” Father Yailer said walking over to the stairs, “enjoy your darkness in hell.”
“No!” I yelled as loud as I could.
“Nobody will ever hear you,” Father Yailer said walking up the stairs. I could hear his footsteps. Then everything went dark. I knew he had turned out the lights. Then I heard the door shut. I was alone. Nothing to do except wait until I die.
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