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Sean D Rasmussen

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House cleaning ,Guy style
By Sean D Rasmussen
Tuesday, February 26, 2002

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Today I decided to clean house. Not because of a girlfriend, but because of one of my favorite cousins is visiting tomorrow. I normally wouldnt bother but, my aunt and uncle are coming too. Ive discovered that aunts love to tell moms if their sons house is clean or not, which results in phone calls in the middle of the day that interupt my sleep. So with this in mind I started house cleaning , guy style.
The first and formost thing in house cleaning is to decide on music, one cannot clean without music.So I had to uncover my CD player from under a months worth of unpaid bills and make the first diffucult choice of the night. What CD to put in? After an hour or so looking through CDs I setteled for Iron Maiden , mainly because it was already in the CD player.
Since it is a proven fact that cleaning takes a lot out of a person, I decided to play it safe and brew a pot of coffee so I wouldn't dehydrate from the stress of cleaning. That took me to the next step, checking the water. Batchleors should always check the water before cleaning, if the water isnt coming out of the fountain then the water bill wasnt paid (again) that makes it diffucult to make coffee and since coffee is a major necessity in cleaning that will put a stop to that.
With coffee brewing and CD blasting , I begin to clean. Women clean differently than guys, I think its because they enjoy it more. They make it harder than it really is. Why get a dust rag and dust shelves? I just use the broom, sweep all the junk on the floor and vacume all of it up with a shop vac. Nice and simple. Cushions on furniture are even easier to clean. Just look for loose change, and flip it over, now all the junk is on the bottom and the cushion is on top. I've even noticed that a push broom is much more handy than one of those little brooms, its easier to push the dirt under the sofa with them, and eleminates the use for the dustpan entirely.
With the floor and shelves done, I do laundry. Laundry is a simple chore, put it in a laundry cage so it dont escape and hide it in the closet. I'll take it to the laundry mat when I find enough quarters in the sofa. Guys do laundry in a different manner than women do too. Women sort by color and type and temputure. Guys have 2 types of clothes, clean and dirty. The difference is easy to see, the clean ones have either the price tags still attached or in the clear bags that they came in from the store. The dirty ones are on the floor or hanging on doorknobs or back of chairs.
After a short coffee break from the cleaning ordeal, I go to dishes. Doing dishes is a lot like doing laundry. Pick up pizza boxes from table, floor, and the backs of sofas, check for uneaten slices and throw the boxes away. I've found out if not done at least once every three to four months the pizza will turn into a chia pet. Chia pet pizzas are not edible, but they do make a good last minute Christmas gift for a four year old.
With most of that out of the way its time for the worst part, junk rearangement. Guys have an innate sense for what is junk and what is usable, thats why we keep almost everything thats usable. Women seem to lack this sense , I've noticed, thats why they tend to throw away our useful stuff and leave the junk. The more holes in a shirt means it is a favorite shirt, ask any guy. So ladies, please stop throwing away our favorite shirts.
The way to rearrange junk is to take a large empty coffee can and to put all the unpaid bills in it, it may take more than one can . If you dont have the spare cans that means either you dont drink enough coffee, or you already have them full with other unpaid bills from last month. Put the unpaid bills in a safe place and remember to pay them next month or so. Everything else gets pushed in a box with the push broom and shoved in a closet or spare room. Always remember to jump out of the way as soon as the closet door is opened to avoid bieng crushed by previous months junk.
So with that done you now can take a much deserved break and relax. Now you have a house fit for a Guy to live in.

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Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/2/2003
HA! sean, you crack me up! please write more stories; they are all a hoot! (((HUGS))) and love, your texas friend, karen lynn. (oh, my sides..*gasp, gasp, gasp*)
Reviewed by S M 3/23/2003
I liked this one too
Reviewed by Lisa Alderson 1/3/2003
loved this one too!!
Reviewed by Theresa 7/5/2002
You forgot to feed the dust bunnies under your bed and your monster. LOL
Reviewed by Mitzi Jackson 5/6/2002
this is so funny...i want to thank you for clearing that up for me (a note to self: never live with a guy) -smile-
Reviewed by Jenni Kalicharan 4/25/2002
LOL.... I enjoyed this also... Would like to see some more soon.
Reviewed by Marnie 3/9/2002
That sounds a lot like the way I clean my house. Do you think it could be heridatary?
Reviewed by cuz 3/4/2002
Awesome ....Awesome....Awesome!!!!!!!...I wondered how you cleaned house...HEHE
Reviewed by Mom 2/26/2002
Where have you been hiding all this talent ? Maybe you found it when you cleaned the house ??? Love you.

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