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Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen

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A Conversation Between Friends/Confrontation, Fears and Healing (W/S Tagert
By Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen
Friday, May 18, 2007

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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legoless says:

I didnt want to tell you because I was worried about you too, but I had to tell someone

usieQ says:

it's ok. What are friends for?


 


 


 


 


legoless says:



Hey Sus


SusieQ says:



hey


legoless says:



what's up?


SusieQ says:



I didn't get to come home today, as you know


legoless says:


yeah I know that stinks


usieQ says:



I guess it really doesn't matter


legoless says:



Of course it matters


SusieQ says:



I didn't mean it like that


legoless says:



The rest of the gang is on their way


SusieQ says:



it just feels like I will be entering enemy territory, if you know what I mean.


SusieQ says:



I feel like everyone is just waiting to lay into me


SusieQ says:



and that I will never regain anybody's trust.


legoless says:



Well you scared everyone, but you are not going to loose my friendship I can't stress that enough


SusieQ says:



i feel like i already have


legoless says:



would I be talking to you if you werent my friend?


SusieQ says:



I don't know


SusieQ says:



in a way, I feel like somebody else took over my body and slit my wrists. I'm sure that doesn't make sense.


legoless says:



I do and I wouldnt be, you are letting yourself get into that poor me routine


SusieQ says:



no, I honestly am not trying to


legoless says:



I know but that is the way you are coming across


SusieQ says:



I wish I could express how I am feeling right now, I have tried, but it always comes out wrong


legoless says:



I know and I want to help you Sus, but I can't live your life for your


SusieQ says:



I know I made a mistake, but I feel like everyone is going to hold it against me the rest of my life


legoless says:



not for the rest of your life Sus, but you have to understand it is going to take some time


SusieQ says:



in so many ways, I feel like I should not be forgiven


legoless says:



I have already forgiven you


SusieQ says:



it doesn't seem like it, you still seem very angry at me


legoless says:



I am not angy Sus, I have alot on my mind right now


legoless says:



I am worried about my Aunt Louisa


SusieQ says:



yeah, I know she is having alot of problems


legoless says:



big time


SusieQ says:



everyone is worried about her.


legoless says:



i feel there are some things us kids arent being told


SusieQ says:



Mama is worried about herself even though she won't admit it. She faces surgery next week


legoless says:



I know I am lifting her up to Yeshua as well


SusieQ says:



and I feel like scum for everytng I am putting her through


legoless says:



Sus she doesnt want you to feel like scum


SusieQ says:



but I do


SusieQ says:



I haven't told anyone else, but I want to tell you sometng. You can't tell anyone else


legoless says:



What Sus?


SusieQ says:



when I slit my wrists the other day, my mind was playing tricks on me. I didn't see myself doing it, I saw one of the men who kidnapped me doing it


legoless says:



wow Sus


SusieQ says:



it was really scary.


SusieQ says:



I didn't tell anyone else, b.c I know they will tnk I am crazy


SusieQ says:



did I just cause you to be speechless?


legoless says:



Yeah I guess you could say that


SusieQ says:



sorry


legoless says:



no its okay


legoless says:



dont apologize


SusieQ says:



I guess I should not have just sprung it on you


legoless says:



no its okay I am kind of distracted too


usieQ says:



I can tell


legoless says:



Did you know that Louie is pregnant?


SusieQ says:



yeah, Mom told me


legoless says:



It's unreal isn't it?


SusieQ says:



yeah, it is


SusieQ says:



I really would like some feedback on what I just told you


legoless says:



I am trying to wrap my thoughts around it


legoless says:



it sounds like you were having flashbacks thoigh


SusieQ says:



yeah, I thought so too


legoless says:



Thats probably why they are saying you have PTSD


SusieQ says:



most people don't know what I just told you. You are the first I have told


legoless says:



maybe they just figured it out


SusieQ says:



well, I know I have other symptoms too


legoless says:



Yeah


SusieQ says:



so that is what they are basing it on


SusieQ says:



well, I am going to let you go.


SusieQ says:



so you can focus on whatever else you are doing


legoless says:



I was answering natures call


legoless says:



Sorry Sus but you know it takes me longer since being shot


SusieQ says:



you just seem distracted tonight


legoless says:



I was distracted a minute ago because nature was knocking on my door


SusieQ says:



oh


legoless says:



and truth be told I am nervous about Monday, I am going to see a doctor myself, and everytime I have lately it ends up being bad news


legoless says:



I just didnt want to bother you with my worries


usieQ says:



it's ok. heaven knows I have bothered you w. enough of mine


SusieQ says:



I would rather focus on someone else's problems anyway


legoless says:



What if they say something else is wrong Sus?


SusieQ says:



what are you seeing ts dr for?


legoless says:



you know how often I have to have a check up this is for that


legoless says:



Mom didnt want me to miss an appointment because we are out of state


SusieQ says:



so, notng in particular?


legoless says:



they want to make sure everything is healing as it should


SusieQ says:



I've been really worried about you lately. You haven't seemed yourself.


legoless says:



I am scred Sus


SusieQ says:



I have sensed sometng was wrong


legoless says:



scared


legoless says:



I just didnt want to worry you more


SusieQ says:



well, I just read you too well. you are my best friend after all


legoless says:



I've already been told I won't dance again, what if something else is wrong too?


legoless says:



I know I shouldnt be borrowing trouble but I am scared


SusieQ says:



well, there is usually a good reason when YOU are scared


SusieQ says:



you aren't a wimp like me


legoless says:



Mom must sense I am scared too because she is letting me talk to you eventhough today is the Sabbath


SusieQ says:



yeah, she probably does


legoless says:



I didnt want to tell you because I was worried about you too, but I had to tell someone


usieQ says:



it's ok. What are friends for?


SusieQ says:



hopefully I will be out by Monday and I can go with you


legoless says:



Now do you know that I was not mad at you, I was just scared


legoless says:



I would really love that


legoless says:



And as I said I am really worried about Aunt Louisa


legoless says:



It scares me what is happening to her


SusieQ says:



I felt like an idiot to say that I wasn't in control of my body when I slit my wrists, but I couldn't take you being angry w. me


legoless says:



I wasnt Sus, I was scared for you and scared for myself at the same time


legoless says:



I told you we would be friends forever


legoless says:



and by the way I do have some news that you may LOVE


SusieQ says:



ok, t me with it


legoless says:



you remember how they are closing one of the hospitals down where we use to live?


SusieQ says:



yeah


legoless says:



Mom is thinking about moving here, her and Dad are going to have a long talk about it because she wants to be somewhere that is better equipped for my pain insentivity disorder


SusieQ says:



that would be awesome


legoless says:



I thought you would like that


SusieQ says:



Rick already found your dad a position as a senior partner in a local firm


SusieQ says:



one of s college buddies


legoless says:



thats awesome so it may already be a done deal


usieQ says:



I hope so


SusieQ says:



I needed that good news


legoless says:



I thought you might


SusieQ says:



I really did


legoless says:



Mom wants me to go in and read the Torah with her, your Dad is actually going to do it because Mines not here as you know


SusieQ says:



notng but that could have cheered me up


SusieQ says:



Cool


legoless says:



your family is getting a lesson in Messiaic Judaism LOL


SusieQ says:



well, my mom wants me to go to sleep


SusieQ says:



I can't wait until I can be a part of those lessons, it really stinks I have to be here.


legoless says:



Mom wanted your Mom to be here for this to, she may decide to wait


legoless says:



But you better get to sleep


legoless says:



I am coming early in the morning again


legoless says:



and the family is due in in a couple of days I miss Danniella and Maddie, and the twins


SusieQ says:



Mom said she is headed out now.


SusieQ says:



yeah, I can't wait to see them too


legoless says:



kewl


legoless says:



And Aunt Louisa I really want to know whats going on with her


SusieQ says:



seems like ages since we were all together


legoless says:



yeah it does doesnt it


SusieQ says:



even though it has only been weeks


legoless says:



I will c'ya in the morning I feel better confiding in you


SusieQ says:



I tnk we both feel better


legoless says:



thats awesome


SusieQ says:



good night


legoless says:



good night may Yeshua Bless you


SusieQ says:



you too


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