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Denise Love Contreras

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Chapter Twenty
“What is addiction?”

By Denise Love Contreras
Thursday, July 05, 2007

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Denise Love Contreras
· Living with the Wolf (Lupus)
· A Family Of Angels
· The Spirit Puts me where I need to be.
· Love
· Surrender
· Life is a Banquet.
· An Act Of Love
           >> View all 49

“What is addiction?”

What is addiction?
Can addiction stop with self-control?

I tried control; it did not work for me. Is it the person’s fault if they’re addicted?

I have blamed myself for my addictions.

What do you think causes addictions?

Is it the family we are raised in?

There are so many opinions on this subject, is addiction a disease?

 I have come across many people who ask those same questions.


I believe it is not the family that causes the addictions and it is not other people’s fault. I believe we are all addicted to something.  It does not have to be alcohol or drugs, but I believe because we are human beings we have defects of character. 


Some people can be addicted to many things.

I have come to believe that “Addiction”,

started in the thinking, well it started in my thinking. 

If I think addictive, my thoughts can be addictive.

I cannot control an addiction with my will power I have tried long enough and hard enough.


I have experienced trying to control my thinking, drinking, drugging, sex and food. I could not. It is nobody’s fault if they are an addict.  It just is and we can get help no matter what the problem is.  As far as my thinking I have to really watch it everyday, one day at a time.  I surrender my thinking, one day at a time.  I surrender my alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and thinking. I have to everyday because I can go back to acting on those thoughts I have, and act on the addictions.  Today I choose not to.


My food addiction got real bad when I stopped the drinking, drugging and sex.  I did not have a higher power or an understanding of one. I started eating and I gained a lot of weight.  It was like a love affair with food. I still have that same problem with food.  It seems easier some days and hard some days. God took my obsessions with alcohol, drugs, but not food.  The reason God did not take my food obsession is because I have not let go. I am still holding on to it.  I love food.


I have to be honest. I had a fear. I thought I needed to eat, I hated to be thin because the memories of childhood got real bad and food was my escape my safety zone. I hated how men lusted for me when I was thin and when I was fat they did not pay attention to me. I also hated that, so I basically I hated everything. 

I had low self-esteem and I could not handle being thin. The food helped me run from my past. In reality food does not help. Nothing in the physical realm can help. The only way out of our past, or past memories is surrendering and letting a higher power take over. That shows how addiction is in the thinking. 


I honestly have not gotten to the point with food as I did with alcohol, drugs. Now I don’t feel that hate I had for myself, or the fear of others. I just love food and have not gotten sick and tired of the way I am with food. I have gotten to a point of having a nervous break down with food but I still have not let go. So that shows me I have a lot of work to do. I am eating better now and moving forward and I am taking the recipe of life. “The Twelve Steps” on the food addiction.


I wish I could say I have let go completely with it but I have not. I have lost a lot of weight but have maintained that weight I lost for about a year and still have more to loose so it shows me I have a long way to go and surrendering to do. 


About the sex well I still deal with that on a daily basis.  I don’t run around with men anymore and cheat on my better half.  I would of if I ran on my thoughts and did what my thoughts tell me. I believe that also is a daily process I am learning a balance with sex. 


I have gone through periods of not doing it for months and then over doing it and thinking about it all the time.  It has to do with me, and the childhood events that happened to me.  I love it and hate. It gets better just like the other addictions do in time and in Gods time.


Addiction is a disease and as human beings we are dis-at-ease in life. I seem to look for people, places, things or thoughts, to fix us. I have experienced my thoughts being addictive. I can think myself into being in love with someone I have not even seen. I have done that. Take for example, you are down and out and your family is gone. You have no one and your spouse is gone, if you do not have a higher power working in your life, then we can easily think ourselves into things.


Like people who are addicted to the Internet. 

They meet someone and soon they are having an affair. You hear about them dying in an alley.  Their thoughts created that and their thoughts were addictive thinking. It started in the mind. We can get into trouble with our thoughts if we act on them.


My mind is a dangerous neighborhood. Even though I have a strong belief in God I still need to be on guard with my thinking and behaviors. I can loose it in a second.  I have lost it in a second even though I have not acted out on drinking or drugging since 1995. 

I have acted out on other thoughts and I did not like the consequences I had.

I do believe in a power of the Spirit.  I strongly believe in a God the Spirit.  I still acted on some thoughts that got me into trouble that is because I am not a saint and I am in the human body.


I believe the only way out is to surrender. I have to surrender over and over some times moments and moments.

Now how do I do that?

Surrender, is that being weak?

Does surrendering mean I just let go and nothing else?

I believe in order for people to get through their addictions they have to surrender, surrender is letting go and letting your higher power take over.


Now how can a person surrender if they do not have a higher power? I have heard people say they do not believe in a higher power and they seem to have surrendered.

I asked them how do you surrender if you do not believe in a higher power?

I was told, “Just let go and give it to the universe.” So to me that is saying that their higher power is the universe. We have to let go and go on with our lives and let the universe, God, whatever you choose to call it, take over.


As long as you get rid of it and completely surrender to the fact that you cannot do what it is that you are addicted to doing and go with life.

If a person thinks they can surrender to a tree, if you believe that the tree will take your problems then go for it.  If you have faith that it will help you, go for it, whatever works, work it. I think if it works don’t fix it.  Your higher power will let you know when to fix it. I had my higher power as my best friend.  As time went on that friend became more and now that friend is within you and I and is all. So God the spirit, or the tree, whatever you choose to call it will let us know when to move on to another path.


I have met people with cancer. They had to get to the point of surrendering that they have no control and they accepted what they have.  They went and did what they needed to do to be healthy. Some have even gotten to the point where the cancer had left the body because of their belief, faith and trust, in their higher power, surrendering their life and will to that higher power. Some have not and some have died of cancer.


Also I believe we have a time when we do pass on and die. So it shows me I am not in charge even when I am thinking I am centered with the Spirit. I have no control as the human.


At the end of this book I talk about how I have Lupus I have come to the point now that this experience I have is all in God’s hands. I believe I am whole and pure love.


I am healthy and complete. I give this physical condition to God and so it is.


This way it keeps me positive and we all have are life experiences to deal with.


If God and I work together miracles can happen but it is all in time and what our experience in life is supposed to be. This is how I feel about this experience I am living today.


We are more than our addictions, we are more than our illnesses, we are more than our thinking, and we are more than our money. We are more, way more.


We are children of God.

When we surrender and let our thinking and our old behaviors go, and take a new path, take on a new way of thinking, living life then our experiences in life become fuller, deeper, and more exciting. Trust in God and don’t take yourself so seriously, be easy on yourself, love yourself, and you can have a great life.


This journey in life is full of remembering what we are and letting go of what we are not. Some of us turn to alcohol, drugs, or sex when we are full of confusion and do not know who we are. Some people turn to addictive exercise, some turn to an obsession for health foods; I believe it is because we human beings are dis-at-ease in our lives. We may not like who we are so we use other distractions so we do not have to be in reality and deal with ourselves. But when we surrender, we get into reality.  It is like peeling an onion getting to the core of the problem the core of the being. We can get help, and then we can deal with and enjoy life. I believe we need a balance in our lives because we are human; we have to remember that balance.


We were born with all the knowing and we tend to become distracted by society, family, and schools. We were being told, “We can’t do this or that, or we’re told we are smart but not like him or her.” We get used to being compared and being told, “No, but yes, you can, but.” All the but’s and no’s we hear in life turn into habits for some of us, we need to change that. Say, “Yes, instead of no.” Say, “I can, instead of but.” I can go on with all the negative things that I have in my head. What we need to do is go within and remember. Then be at ease and peace.  We do not have to be dis-at-ease with life we can be at-ease, enjoy life.


We all have positive energy let’s make use of the positive energy we have in each of us. God gave us that energy let’s not waste it.  I believe if we use positive energy, we would love one another not attack each other.


In relationships, if we use our positive

loving energy, we would be naked with each other, meaning we would be open, completely honest with each other. 

We would have the knowingness on how to love each other and have spaces in our togetherness. We would not need to suffocate each other with love. We would not need to be jealous.

We would be able to trust, share with each other and be at peace with each other.


Relationships are a gift from God.

God knows what we need to establish

 a good relationship.

If we go within and remember, be aware of the love in our lives, we can tell what needs to be done. 

Having people in our lives helps. I believe relationships are important not just man, woman relationships; we have all kinds of relationships in life. Family relationships, friends, business relationships. We need to give and take in all relationships, using our positive God given energy can help us in all the relationships in our lives.


Balance in life is letting the

Spirit in and work through you.


If we live just as the human self, then there is no balance.


When we let the Spirit of God direct us then there is some balance. Balance is the key to a peaceful life and God the Spirit; has the key.  So let the God in you give you the key to life. I am so grateful for all of this and I thank you all for being here reading.

This realization I am experiencing at this very moment, this is all God not me. I think sometimes what is this? How can this happen? I get this feeling and I know it is not me the human, it is I am the Spirit.


I easily forget in my humanness and need to remember. That is why I say I am grateful for you because people can help me remember what I already know.  What I was born with, what you all were born with.  We can help each other remember who we truly are, the child of God that we are. That is why I need you.  I need people in my life. As long as I am in this body I need your love and voices to let me know who I truly am that child of God. What a gift we all have!


Think about it, a gift to wake up every day and have the love of God within us. I love to think about it and now that I am experiencing it every so often through the day. I am so grateful. I have gone through life so blind for so many years and the last few years have been such an awakening for me. Like I have a new pair of glasses to see through. I want to share with the world the joy I am feeling but I cannot. Only you know when you experience and remember the true you. Some people have, some people may think they have not, because they have their eyes closed. I believe we all have felt this; just some of us choose not to feel it. I was blind to it for years now it is as if someone turned the lights on in my life. I thank God.


Think of a dark tunnel, you are walking through this tunnel, you keep walking and walking, you see nothing, you keep walking, then you fall down and you still see nothing. Then you get up and start walking and fall down and get back up then you decide to yell for help.  You want out of this tunnel. Nothing happens you keep walking then you yell again, “Help! Please help me!” God says, “Keep walking and this time open your eyes,” you say “What? I have my eyes open.” God says no, “Open your eyes, open all your senses”, then all of a sudden you realize you are not in a tunnel and you can smell and see the beauty and the light. That is how I have felt for so many years. I was walking with my eyes and all my senses closed. Now I have them open to the Spirit and now I can see. Thank you God.



Copyright © 1999-2006 by Densie Contreras



       Web Site: To read Chapter Twenty-One click here.

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Reviewed by John Domino 1/18/2009
Great advice!

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