Chapter Twenty Six:

The articles didn’t take as much time as writing the book had, so I found myself with more spare time, but I had already had an idea on how to use that time. I was going to write a memoir this time, a memoir of what it was like after you came back from war. I had already strarted compiling some of the articles I had written, this was harder than the novel, but it was something like the novel I felt I had to do.

I found myself drawn to my laptop at the oddest times wanting to write I was thankful for what the Lord had done for me, and I was going to use these words to help others, as well as myself. I went through some of the letters both negative and postive and found myself shuttering once again over what some people could write or say about others, people they did not even know.

Mother was glad to be back to work, and I was glad to be writing despite how hard it was. I once again found myself thinking that maybe there had been a reason the Lord had not let me get that job at the school, how the school went about denying me wasn’t fair, but the Lord had a way of working difficult times to his advantages and I was being blessed because I had finally taken the time to listen to him.

After weeks of being home, adjusting to life after war, adjusting to life in a wheelchair I found myself fighting a battle, a battle of fears, fears of just checking my mail or opening my email box. I did not like receiving the letters I received, not the ones that were so judgemental, but even those the Lord used that to show me how to love my enemies it was not an easy lesson, but it was one I had learned over and over again throughout my life.

These words were not easy to write, but they were necessary, I was drudging up old memories but none of that mattered as long as I was doing what the Lord called me to do, and that was what she felt she was called to do. Iwas a writer, I had dabbled in writing in high school and in college, but didn’t really have time for more than a journal when I was fighting in Iraq, but those journals were proving invaluable just as the letters to Mother had been proving invaluable.

I continued typing for awhile and when I took my lunch break I decided I was going to read over Mattew 5 again, the chapter was rich in its teachings and I knew I should read the chapter over again. Loving your enemies was not always easy, but it had to be easier than using that energy to hate.

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

13"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

21"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder,^[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother^[b]will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,^[c]' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

25"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.^[d]

27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'^[e] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'^[f] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

33"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 34But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'^[g] 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor^[h] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies^[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I closed my Bible and went back to her computer, but this time I was returning an email to one of the women who had basically told me she had wished I had died in Iraq. I was not going to be hateful I was going to tell her of God’s love, that was what she should have done in the first place. I realized that now, I wished I would have thought of it sooner though.

I know you will probably not be happy to hear from me, but I felt I should write to you, I was upset and being treated the way I was in the email you sent me, but I am trying to understand your feelings more and certainly not trying to act rash. I was wondering if there was an underlying issue in that email. Did you loose someone to war, whether it be abroad or to the violence or society seems to condone more and more? I am not trying to be nosey just trying to get a better understanding of your anger, and to tell you I am in no way shape or form angry at you. That was not the case at first, but the Lord has showed me my anger was wrong, so I am asking you forgive me for my anger.

3In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.^[a]"

5Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You^[c] must be born again.' 8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

10"You are Israel's teacher," said Jesus, "and do you not understand these things? 11I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 12I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? 13No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.^[d] 14Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, 15that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.^[e]

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,^[f] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.^[g] 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."^[h]

22After this, Jesus and his disciples went out into the Judean countryside, where he spent some time with them, and baptized. 23Now John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because there was plenty of water, and people were constantly coming to be baptized. 24(This was before John was put in prison.) 25An argument developed between some of John's disciples and a certain Jew^[i] over the matter of ceremonial washing. 26They came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him."

27To this John replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. 28You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ^[j] but am sent ahead of him.' 29The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30He must become greater; I must become less.

31"The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all. 32He testifies to what he has seen and heard, but no one accepts his testimony. 33The man who has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. 34For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God^[k] gives the Spirit without limit. 35The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. 36Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him."^[l]

I pushed send and was glad to have the words out. It was up to the women I sent the email to if she read it, but I felt I needed to explain some things to her, mainly I needed to explain I was no longer angry with her. In fact I sensed that there was something underlying the hateful words she wrote.