AuthorsDen.com   Join (Free!) | Login  

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Darryl Jenkins, iErnest Paquin, iLinda LeBlanc, iKendra Berni, iBryon Smith, iPia Shannon, iMary Adair, i

  Home > Relationships > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     
mazie l haize

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Poetry
· Stories
· 5 Titles
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Oct, 2007

mazie l haize, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
Sexual Energy Transmutation (Adobe PDF edition)
by Jay Onwukwe

Sex is the creative energy, not just for making babies, but for other things you want to accomplish in life. It is a mighty urge to action that needs control and directio..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


Featured Book
Ignite the Passions
by Deborah Jones

Just when you thought the relationship has ended, you may be asking the question, "What can I do to get the relationship started?" The answer to your question is Igni..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members



   Recent stories by mazie l haize
· Unforgotten
           >> View all 2


Share    Print  Save   Become a Fan


So I thought
By mazie l haize
Monday, October 08, 2007

Rated "PG" by the Author.

Share this with your friends on FaceBook

uh, huh

The day I realized my husband was lying to me was the first day in many years I lifted up the veil of shame and took a breath of fresh air. I felt free for a brief moment, like a daughter dancing on her father’s shoes, moving through the world dizzy, and joyfully safe. Then the wall started to crumble. Like any deconstruction this was the beginning of a painful process, a rebirth if you will. But the more I struggled the freer I became, I realized this was my journey.
My therapist, after one visit, validated all my ‘paranoia’s’, as my husband like to call them. I struggled for so long trying to reconcile my longing to be loved by parents who were lost to their own demons. At best, I was a baby bird incessantly chirping, with the annoyance of a dripping faucet, my parents blaming me for chirping. I felt my existence was a mirage not really valid or consequential. Like a means to someone else’s end. My husband liked my adaptability, I morphed into whatever suited the task at hand and he was ready to give me my pat on the head, 'what a good girl', when I complied. My paranoia’s, according to my husband, were my concerns with having my family in my life, they were repeatedly abusive, not supportive, belittling, condescending, and toxic to say the least. I yo-yoed between excommunicating them from my life or trying to find redeemable qualities, and interactions that showed me some glimmer of hope. At this time in my life I was still trying to get the food I needed, coming up empty, my ‘abusers’ keeping me needy and in a place where I needed my husband and he felt more secure. As my house of cards started to fall, I realized my husband did not love me and he was sabotaging my healing. This let to more cards falling.
When the veil was lifting, I felt at times helpless and frightened, but incrementally free, like the truth was occurring drop by drop. Part of me was stuck in the faucet and part of me was flowing free. What was holding me back? Were my wings clipped, my feathers stunted, was I not a bird at all? Did someone trick me into believing I was a bird? Maybe because of all the chaos in my childhood all I really knew is I was alive. I navigated landmines, survived bombs going off, deafened at times, shell shocked mostly into believing whatever childlike fantasies I could dream up in my mind that would sustain my spirit. So I guess I was the one who lied to myself, about being a bird, that is, it was all I had, so I thought.
    


Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!






Y.O.U. & The Ultimate Life Tool by Zannah Hackett

Winner of the 2010 Los Angeles Book Festival! What if you could understand a person by just looking at them? What if you knew what to expect from them in terms of performance, neve..  
Featured BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


life without relationship is no life at all --Relationship Recovery by Tuchy (Carl) Palmieri

Relationship Recovery No man is an island. What is life without relationships? It is often the case that relationships cause us the most pain. Relationship Recovery helps one ..  
Featured BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.