Dear Journal~

Jennifer Kaylin here. Sorry if I haven't written in here in so long; things have been happening at breakneck speed; they are finally starting to settle down somewhat.

I have some bad news: I am no longer seeing my (former) partner, Terri Leroi. Yeah, she and I parted ways; I am now alone again. I am not looking for anyone at the present time; too much of a hassle, and I am trying to grow in my faith as a Christian.

I have been going to church on a regular basis; I go every Sunday. I am now living with my in-laws, who have taken me in. They are very nice, especially since I have accepted Jesus as my saviour. My son, An'twon, who is now six-and-a-half, is with us; he's growing like a weed. He's going to be fairly tall; that is unusual because most people with spina bifida are quite short.

Ant has been a good little boy, but he misses his other mommy. I miss Terri too, but she keeps trying to go back to the old ways; she's been seeing another woman on the slide behind my back; I got furious, so I broke up with her.

I am still plenty enough angry, but I am trying to keep my mind busy by spending time with the Word, praying to God, busying myself with church, my computer, my work. That's another thing. I am working again; I am working in a store, and it's a lot different than my old job, which was construction.

I am not so sure whether I like working in a store; it's too boring a lot of the time, and I feel funny dealing with people because all they do is flap their jaws about me behind my back or stare at me (or my wheelchair). I feel embarrassed; it's at times like this when I wish I wasn't paralyzed.

It's at times like this when I wish I could just rise from my wheelchair and walk, but that's not about to happen--unless a miracle happens or if Jesus comes to take His Children to Heaven, to be with Him forever.

I have been trying to contact my friend, Louisiana Sandusky, but she's either not home or is indisposed somehow. I know she's pregnant with twin boys; I pray nothing's happened to her. I will have to try to e-mail her or call her again later on, after I get off of here.

I have also been trying to contact my step sister Eloise. I just found out about her a few months back (she was the step daughter of my dad; I never knew she even existed until she wrote me a letter that still has me reeling in shock), but alas: no dice. No answer at her place either. She gave me a phone number, but I don't think it's the right one or a working number. All I get is the darn operator or the busy signal. It's very annoying!

I haven't met El yet, but I hear she's as gay as I was. Yes, she's a lesbian, just like I was before I "went straight". She has a partner named Yvette, and I know she's sixteen years younger than I am, but not much more than that. I also know that El lives in Florida, near Miami/Dade Beach, and that she's a waitress at a Latino dance club.

I did some research on the Internet; this was how I found out about Eloise.

Well, not much else is new other than what I wrote above. I am sorry this is so boring, but I am feeling conflicting emotions right now, and I am still having problems dealing with Terri's and my recent parting as well as finding out about my stepsister Eloise. I just wonder what Ma and Pa are going to think once they find out about Eloise---

Take care and God bless!

~Jennifer Kaylin. :(