Become a Fan
Whispered in the Wind Chapters Eleven and Twelve
By Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.
Once again I could hear her name whispered in the wind...
“Misty.” my sister said weakly. “I don’t know if I am going to make it through the night.”
“It’s okay Lorraina. I am here, you want me to go get Mom and Dad.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah I want to talk to you.”
“Okay.” I said, tears in my eyes and in my voice.
“I love you Misty., I couldn’t ask for a better sister than you.”
“You are the better sister Lorraina.”
“No I am not.” My sister said. “I don’t know how you have done all you have for me, but I appreciate it.”
“I know you do.“
“I love you Misty.”
“I love you too Lorraina.”
The room fell silent, and I went over to see if my sister was still breathing, when I discovered she was I allowed myself to temporaliy feel relieved. I knew she had more that she wanted to say to me, and I wanted to hear everything, just as I knew she wanted to be able to tell me everything that was on her heart.
“What is it Lorraina?”
“I want you to remember that although I am leaving you, that I am going home to be with the Lord, I will always be a part of your heart, and that when you hear the wind whisper my name, you can remember all the joys we shared.”
“I will Lorraina.”
“Can you please go and get Mom and Dad, and call May, I want to tell them goodbye?”
“Of course.” I said, my voice still full of tears, I dialed the portable phone, as I walked into Mom and Dad’s room. A few minutes later, we all were sitting in the room, waiting for May, I knew Lorraina was holding on in order to tell hre best friend goodbye.
After a few short moments May showed up, with her cheeks streaked in tears. She knew this was going to be the last time she saw her best friend alive. It was going to be the last time we all got to see her alive.
“I love you all, I would stay longer but the Lord is calling me home early, and I know the Lord must have a reason for allowing this to happen.”
“We love you too.”
“I know you all do, and I appreciate that. I am blessed to have been born into this family.”
“We’re blessed to have you.”
“You don’t need to thank us for being honest. I just wish we didn’t have to say goodbye to you so soon. Eightteen is to young to die.”
“I know this is hard for you, but it is something that I can not help.”
“I know but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“I know it doesn’t, but it’s my time Misty, I know I am young, but time really is irrelevant, isn’t it?”
“I guess you are right.” I reluctantly agreed, but being right did not change the fact that this hurt, it hurt to watch my sister in so much pain. But I knew she would be pain free in heaven, free of the things that bound her on earth, and I found comfort in that.
The room fell silent for awhile, I think we were all afraid to voice anything, all afraid that my sister had spoken her last, but after awhile my sisters weak voice pentrated the silence.
“I think it’s time.” My sister said, those simple words spoke volumes. And when the silence fell over the room again, we all allowed ourselves the freedom to cry, because Lorraina was gone.
Lord this hurts, more than words can describe this hurts, let me get through this. I don’t know now if I am going to get through this, but I love you Lord and I didn’t think I was even going to be able to say those words in the midst of my pain.
I felt numb in those first moments after my sisters death. I had cried, but after that I just felt paralyzed, this was really happening, Lorraina was really gone, but I could not get the feeling into words. All I could do was wonder how I was going to get through this.
After everyone had left the room my sister and I had shared, and Lorraina’s body had been taking to the morgue, I had let myself cry. I had a heaviness in my heart, and I knew that I could not hold back the tears any longer, my friend, my sister was gone, she was home to be with the Lord.
After I could cry no more, I picked up my sisters Bible from the nightstand beside her bed, and began reading from where she had marked in Isiaah Chapter Forty, I knew as I read the words that my sister had marked them for me. She had often told me this verse was chapter was full of promises, and that I needed to hold on to those promises.
Comfort for God's People
1 Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins.
3 A voice of one calling: a] ;
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD [
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God. [
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."
9 You who bring good tidings to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem, [c]
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
"Here is your God!"
10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has understood the mind [d] of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?
14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?
15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.
16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.
18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?
19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
“You knew I was going to need this.” I said aloud, but only the wind answered back, the wind that was coming through the window, the wind that was seemed to be whispering my sisters name.
Many who had been unable to see my sister in her last days had came to the funeral home to say goodbye. Even those who had been afraid to face death before felt they had to ay there final farewells to my sister though, they would go through life feeling horribly guilty if they didn’t. I knew from talking to some of her friends that they felt bad, but they just didn’t know how to face it, none of us really did, and how much harder must it have been for Lorraina to know her body was betraying her, that she would not live to give birth to children to see grandchildren.
“I can’t believe she’s gone.” Her friend Julia told me after school one day. I had decided to go to school because I knew that my sister would want me to continue living my life, though it was certainly hard for me to concentrate on anything other than the fact that we were getting ready to bury my sister.
Lorraina I miss you so much, I can’t even begin to put it into words.
“It’s hard to believe, but she was dying Julia, everyday we lost a little more of her.”
“I was a bad friend, I wasn’t there for her.”
“She wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about that, she understood your fears.”
“What about hers though?”
“She was braver than I could be throughout all of this, she found comfort in growing closer to the Lord.”
“How could a loving God allow someone so young to die?”
“I’ve asked myself the same question, but I know Lorraina believed in him, and most of the time I do, though I don’t think my faith will ever be as strong as Lorraina’s.”
“She was a very special person, a rare friend.”
Many had been blessed to have known my sister. She was truly one of those rare people who you could honestly say put others before themselves. I knew that my sister was a selfless person, and we were all blessed to have her presensce in our lives. I knew that, and I thanked the Lord for the time we did have together, though I was still hurting, the grief was still fresh, still raw. I knew too that the grief would always be there but in time I would learn better how to live with it.
“It’s going to be hard to know she is gone.”
“It is, but Lorraina would not want us to stop living because she has stopped living.” I said, feeling grateful that a little of my sisters spirit had been passed on to me.
“I know she wouldn’t.” Julia said, “But I can not help but feel guilty for being such a poor friend.”
“Lorraina never thought you were a poor friend, she knew you were scared, everyone was.”
“It didn’t make it right for us to abandon her.”
“She would want you to forgive yourselves, and you already know she has forgiven you.”
“I am trying, but I should have came back into her life, at least May had the courage to do that, I couldn’t even do that.”
“Everyone deals with things differently.”
“I gues I understaand that, but it does not make me feel less guilty.”
“I wish I could do something to help you feel better, but right now I am not even sure how I am ever going to get passed this.”
“I’m sorry, she was your sister and I am the one looking to you for comfort, when I should be offering you comfort.”
I was glad that Lorraina’s friends felt comfortable enough to talk to me, although I did not feel as if I was as good of a friend as Lorraina had been, I was grateful that they felt they could talk to me, because I wanted them to feel that way. Lorriana was gone, and I knew I was not the only one who was grieving her loss.
I knew that right now I could not offer them all the help they needed though, because I was dealing with my pain, and when I told them that, I hoped they would understand.
I still went home and went to my sisters bed, half expecting my sister to be lying there, almost hearing her voice ask me how school was. I missed those days and the simple talks, but now we were preparing for her funeral, and preparing to bury her.
When my sister was little she had been afraid of the dark, now she was going to be burried in a dark grave. The thought alone made me cry, until I could cry no more. When the tears were finally dried, I resumed looking through my sisters things, Mom had asked me to go through what I wanted, and other things my sister had wanted us to donate to charity.
Lord even looking through Lorraina’s things is hard, but I know its something I need to do, but I can not do this without your help, I need your help to get me through this. I thank you Lord.
I knew I was keeping my sisters Bible, that was the first thing I grabbed but I was surprised to find a journal in with her stuff, a journal I had not known she kept. I was glad to find the journal in with my sisters things but I knew it would take time before I would be able to pick up the Journal and read it, though I wanted to, right now it was just to painful. In time though I would find comfort in those words, and I would be glad to read her words when the time was right, but right now I just had to get through my sisters services, and her burial.
She died, and she was only eighteen, it still did not seem fair. I wasn’t sure I would ever understand it, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I prayed.
Help me get through this Lord. I repeated the prayer I had been praying for the past few days, the few days since my sisters death. I knew I would not get through this without the Lord’s help.
Less than a week after my sisters death, we had the services, my sisters memory was shared, and we burried her, and again I could hear the sound of her name being whispered in the wind, God’s way of showing me that I was going to live through this. My sister had died, but I was alive, it was going to be my job to let my sisters memory live on, and I had intended to do that.
I am with you my child, always.
I felt comforted by the words the Lord had placed in my heart, the words that told me he was not going to leave my side, and I was thankful for that. I was thankful for the hope I was learning to find in the Lord. Even though my sister was gone, I knew that didn’t mean I was abandoned, the Lord was with me, and my sisters spirit lived on.