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Jeanne G. Miller

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· Lives Interrupted: The Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma

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· Unplanned, Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma

· Lives Interrupted: The Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma

· What if?

· A Story Of My Grave Tour To Wholeness As Directed By My Dreams

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· The gift of gratitude from a dream image.

· A dream about walking along the bank with a bear.

· A strand of 3 golden cords dancing in a dream.

· An Unexpected Healing.

· A excerpt from my new book

· Where does compassion end and co-dependency begin?

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Books by Jeanne G. Miller
Have you ever tried to put aside an overwhelming passion?
By Jeanne G. Miller
Posted: Friday, December 07, 2007
Last edited: Saturday, March 22, 2008
This short story is rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Jeanne G. Miller
· Unplanned, Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma
· Lives Interrupted: The Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma
· What if?
· A Story Of My Grave Tour To Wholeness As Directed By My Dreams
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           >> View all 25
Writing the story of my life had been a passion of mine for many years. I was afraid I would not be able to put on paper in a succinct and meaningful way the events of my life with the feelings and the decisions that went with those events. I would surrender to an ancient voice within telling me all sorts of reasons why I would not be able to put my story into words. Embarrassment, inadequacy, and shame resurrected their buried heads. I was afraid to risk being vulnerable and exposing the things that were hidden in the closets of my life. I would find all sorts of excuses to postpone the actual beginning to write about my life in manuscript form.

Yet, there was this gnawing in my heart that kept getting stronger. I had to put forth more and more energy to suppress the calling. The gentle nudging became a burning passion and then increased to an out-of-control wild fire, and I was unable any longer to fight the desire to write. I began to panic because I did not feel confident in my literary skills to produce a manuscript that would be well written enough to be published. I feared what other people might think, and I feared being exposed if I were really honest about my life. All of the challenges I had gone through tested my limits. Could I and would I now go beyond those limits into the unknown in the writing of this manuscript? As is the pattern of my life, when God’s hand is calling me to a direction He wants me to go, He sustains the pressure in my heart until I choose His will. With fear and trembling, I surrendered to His command to write my story, and so I began to write. I share my story in "Hidden in Pain: a life story of personal transformation" with you as an example of wounds, scars, and healing. The person that I have come to be has been transformed through the pain of those wounds. I wrote my life’s story from my perspective as I remembered the details. I focused on the events and feelings I hid from others. In no way do I wish to discredit the memory of my family or friends or to bear false witness against anyone. I mention important people and events because of their effect on my formation. I have changed the names of my family members and early childhood friends to protect their identity. The important point is this: it is my reaction to them, not their names. I also share my story because remembering my life honors the one who created me. I believe my story is a living example of the blessings and the gifts of healing and wholeness that life has offered to me. I have experienced a gracious hand moving my life in many directions that led to various types of healing paths. As I have walked through the struggles, the relationships with people, the experiences, the choices, and the sometimes negative consequences thereof, I have learned that nothing has been wasted. I am certain of the truth that all choices have led and will continue to lead me to become the person I was intended to be. I am reminded, in a maze, there are dead ends that require one to turn around and possibly backtrack. There are many possible paths once I enter the maze. Wrong turns and blind alleys are common. So is getting lost or disoriented. Whereas mazes are mental, linear, left-brained experiences, a labyrinth’s path is soothing, rhythmic, and meditative. A labyrinth is different in that all experiences are part of the entirety of the whole journey. To walk the labyrinth’s path, it is necessary for me to follow a path through an intricate pattern until I reached the center. Once reaching the center, I go back out in the same manner. The center of the labyrinth is where I discover the answers to the questions that I am asking. In psychotherapy terms, it is the discovery of the self. Life for me is the labyrinth. This book is about my journey inward and back out again. Every event that I experienced, every choice that I make, and every emotion that I feel are all part of the ever-developing master plan. Looking back into my past gave me an opportunity to honestly face my life and to make changes where required. When I was stubborn or too fearful to look at a given situation, I found I increased my misery and many times the misery of others. Sometimes life presented events I did not choose. How I responded to those times was my choice. When I allowed the healing process to evolve, transformation could occur in ways that were mysterious and beyond joyful. The joy came only after the hardship of facing the pain. As a psychotherapist, as a spiritual director, and as a pastoral care assistant, I have heard story after story about how alone a person feels when he or she is going through a difficult passage. In the pages of this book, you will read a few other stories that have been shared with me as examples of his or her struggles—the identity of those mentioned has been camouflaged for their protection. It takes courage to reach out and share something personal, especially when one feels that no one else has ever felt the intensity of his or her pain. There is fear in the unknown, fear that often becomes overwhelming, almost destroying one’s ability to form words that describe the event or the feelings. Everyone has a story to tell about his or her life. While the events of those lives may be similar to one another, the combination of events and of the people surrounding an event makes each story unique. The way something happened, how it was perceived and other variables make every life different. We all have experienced events that have helped to form the course of our life’s path. While these details may differ, the emotions and the struggles of the person make each life a story worth telling. In my own life and from the stories that I have been told, there came a time when in life there was an event or an insight that brought us to our knees. I call this humbling event a wake up call. These events or insights trigger the search for answers to questions such as: Why am I here? Who am I? Why did this happen to me? Is there something greater than myself? What do I believe about life and my faith? Is there a God, and if so who or what is it? The questions themselves produced a kind of a crisis. Some people are born asking these questions. However you arrive at the point in your life when your search begins, there is the opportunity to discover wholeness and a higher calling for your life. Coming face to face with oneself can be earth shattering. Searching one’s soul to find its true identity and to find the answers to the questions takes courage. When understanding is found, it takes courage to stay in the search that might take a lifetime. The search is not only in the perception of or in the problem itself but also in the body, the emotions and in the faith. The struggles are numerous. At times, it may seem like giving up is the only way to stop the pain. Feeling exposed can cause a profound need to try to cover up again. The excuses to stop are endless. Change in and of itself causes a crisis. Those significant persons in your life are also influenced by your change. Because of their own uncomfortable feelings about the changes they see in you, they may attempt to create an environment so that you can return to the old familiarity with them. Are the pain and the confusion that are experienced in discovery and growth worth it? Yes. “Why?” you might ask. Seeing and accepting the truth that is found through self-awareness has the potential to set us free to live unchained to others or our past. Free to embrace the person that we were designed to be. For me, the influences of early childhood overflowed into adulthood. I emotionally hid from that little girl and symbolically hid her in the closet. I neglected her by trying to run away from all the hurts. I ran because I had no human contact to help me along the way. God the Father became the friend who sustained that lonely little girl and raised her into womanhood where she could rediscover the child’s pain. I was so focused on surviving all the different challenges that I lost sight of my talents and innate potential. They remained hidden from me until the challenges were resolved, at which time I awoke to discover the Jeanne that had always been there. Healing of my childhood and the effects those wounds had in adulthood, allowed me to be at one with myself. The warring inside has ended. The running has ceased. The hiding has turned into openness. These changes allow me to risk using the talents that I was born with and to celebrate the life that I was given. Finally, I share my life story of personal transformation and the insights I have gained with you, the reader, as an encouragement should you need to move through any painful situation, which requires that you come out of the dark closets of your life to find your radiant healing.    


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