If I could have an Extreme Makeover...

EXTREME MAKEOVER

I like my feet, average size with cute pudgy toes.

My legs serve their purpose along with my knees and hips, so I’ll keep those too.

I’ve never had a defined waist until I was pregnant and then you could define it as, bigger than hell! I think I’ll keep the one I have, if that’s ok.

My belly button resembles a deep, dark cave. Maybe I could take one of those things they use to pull the dents out of cars and pull it out just a little.

 My breasts, oh my poor, poor breasts. We’ve been through so much together, being pulled this way and that way while providing food for three healthy babies only to suddenly deflate like a day old party balloon. I want you bigger! Rounder! Farther north! But most of all I want you to remain cancer free, so I think I will just leave you alone, for now.

I like my mouth and nose; they came from my daddy, while my uninspiring hazel eyes that are shaped like small almonds are just like my mother’s. They are family traits so I have to keep those.

And my hair! My larger than life naturally curly red, now slowly turning grey, hair! Between the ages of 11 and 29, I burned you, fried you, and soaked you in bleach, then dye, then bleach again. I grew you long, just to chop you all off. I coated you with hairspray, wrapped you in curlers, and ironed you flat with an iron, trying to achieve the perfect look. I am just grateful that you decided to hang around through all of the torture, so I will leave you just as you are, fashioned in springy, red curls.

My wrists are really skinny, my hands rather small, but they match the rest of me so I can’t really change them either.

Heart? Beating.

Bowels? Moving.

Lungs? Breathing.

Brain? Functioning near capacity.

Nerves? That’s it! I would change my nerves!

 Someone shot those years ago and I have been walking around with shot nerves since then. My husband and kids got on my last one already so I could really use some new ones. Ones that are relaxed, laid back, and new in town, without anyone hanging on them. Ones that carry the signals smoothly instead of being jammed up like rush hour traffic. I would also like them made of steel but I would consider gold or platinum.

Nerves would be great!

 Can I get some to go?