Become a Fan
By theresa c halupka
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Not rated by the Author.
A little bio on how im feeling right now.
Having a father who loves you one day and hating you the next can be one of the worse things a teenage girl can go through. A father is a major part in a girl's life especially at the most vulnerable age, the teenage years.
Its very hard when you dont have a stable family at home to steer you in the right directions. when you have both of your parents that messed up their lives and struggle to keep their family together. how are children suppose to grow up and actually become something with theirselves when their own parents couldnt? thats how a lot of teens will feel. some will feel that they want to do better for themselves then what their parents have. but what most parents dont know is that since they really havent got their own lives together its much harder for the child. the child has such negativity in the house hold that they think less of themselves.
when you come from a family were the parents have seperated is incruciating. you dont know to choose the mother or father. you want both but you cant. you dont want to choose one n the other one be mad. you want to make everyone happy, but are they making you happy by doing this to you?
well i know exactly how it feels because i had to choose to be with my father. when my mother left him he tortured me emotionally for years.there was days i jus wanted to die. its like my father hated me for what my mother did to him like it was my fault. and especially since i was a female and came from her made everything worse. we had to live basically dirt poor for years. i couldnt go to school. we jus had to sit around for my father to get his lawsuit money. he moved me around 5 years so every school year i went to a new school. it was so hard to keep friends when you have to leave them in a couple of months. i had to drop out of school and finish high school at a job corps, while my father left the state and lived with my aunt. it was a lot easier for me when he wasnt there because i could breathe with out having some one making me feel like i wasnt worth breathing. i hated myself when i lived with him. after i graduated n finished everything i needed to with school, i worked things out wit my mom n came back to live wit her. my father did not like that n i didnt either because my father made me out to hate my mom also. he brainwashed me for years on how bad she was and how she never wanted me. so i would dissrespect her when i would live wit her. after about 2 months she kicked me out n i had to go live wit my aunt. my aunt was jus like my father made me think i was nothing, like i was a nobody. i was jumping from one house to another. untill my father had money to get us an apartment. when that worked out things was actually come back together in my life. i felt like i could put all the bad experiences behind me n look forward to the future. but i was totally wrong. my father and my relationship was good until he met another woman. after that things went for the worst that ever happened in my life. i always told my father what ever woman he wants to be with is his decision n not mine. it has nothing to do wit me. but this one lady he is currently with took him away frm me. she always told me i wont take him away but she was jus full of sh*t. before when i thought my father hated me that was nothing to what happened when he found her. i was working, going to college, paying his n my own bills, and taking care of myself but that still wasnt good enough. they always put me down sayin that im not doin anything n that im jus like my mother. they were not supportive at all. but his girlfriend has a daughter and she is spoiled to the core. she got everything n treated her mother so bad. i got nothing n was struggling wit a lot of issues in my life. one day they both kicked me out. they did not care where i went. all my father ever said to me was that he wanted his life back. like i wasnt part of his life. i had to live wit a friend to figure things out wit my life because it was all happening so fast. i went through several suicidal events when i was living there. i ended up moving back with my mother to work on our relationship. my mother was there for me caring,loving me and telling me how my father was to her.
It has been bout 7 months n i havent heard from him. it hurts to know that he really didnt care about me. the holidays past and i still didnt hear anything from him. i have no idea if he is alive or dead but i think the only way i will ever know is when its too late. im sick of always going back when im not the one thats wrong.
thats the life when you come from a hard troubling family, when you dont know who to choose or who to trust and when you do it turns out for the worse.
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|Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson
|I know your pain. My Dad was very hard on me.
I experienced the love me one day and hate me the next many times.
He would tell me I was nothing and I would never
amount to anything.
I hope you can find closure with your Father.
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