Hey Sus

hey

how's it going?

I want out of the hospital, other than that its okay

yeah, I know I was glad to be released

but I am still back on bed rest for three more weeks

ugh

yep

yeah I am not to happy myself, the infection is not clearing like it should, and they may not let me use prosthetics again, its rather maddening

I know, I hate that

yeah me too

I really hope things get much better

and they may have to take more, at times I wonder how much more I can take, I know the Lord will see me through this, but sometimes I feel pressed to the limit

I hope you don't think I am bailed on you, but I had to come home and go to bed

Rick and Mom have been like watching me like a hawk since I got home

they barely let me get out of bed to go to the bathroom

I can imagine, I know Mom and Daddy will be doing the same to me when I ge home

are they talking about letting you go home soon?

they dont know

oh

do you want to vent? you've been angry a lot lately

yeah I just dont know what to say

ok

i am just so frustrated

I can imagine

I want to scream

i think things are going right then boom

I know, it's the same way for me too

At times I feel as if the bottom has been pulled out

I know

I am sure Maddie told you about me nearly throwing my computer at her the other day, and she really hadnt done anything

yeah, she called me when it happened

I don't know why I did it, I guess I just hit my breaking point

yeah, we all do that at some point

I don't think I have ever seen you so upset

I know its just hitting me so hard

I am trying to be strong, and I know Yeshua is here for me throughout this, but sometimes I feel as if I have been going in circles

yeah, we all feel that way I think

just when it seems things can't get worse we find out this disease you have is making your bones brittle, which caused the bone splinters and walking on your prostethics is causing the splintering to be worse

I know

believe me I have been playing that again and again in my head

I just feel so self conscious when I go places without my prosthesis and now this

what am I going to do?

I know I shouldn't feel self conscious but I do

I so wish I could give up my ability to walk so you could have it

I would not allow that Sus, even if you could

if I could, I would, w.out a second thought

I know but I would not allow

it

this is my battle to fight, and believe me I am going to fight it

I even asked God if I could take your place last night

Thats not how Yeshua works

But the thought is beautiful, are you trying to make me cry?

I know, but I was desperate

even if I had to die, to make it work, I would

I know my life isnt over, and even if I never walk again I have so much to be grateful for

I do not want to imagine life without you Sus, you have made me laugh through some of the toughest times

I just wish there was more I could do

You are doing plenty just by praying

I know the Lord hears our prayers

I dont question that

and I felt like scum leaving you there at the hospital and coming home home

its not your fault

Sus

and the docs let me go home long enough for church this weekend, Mamma and Daddy were watching over me like crazy

I know

I had to be at home in bed though

I know

flat on my back

I can only sit up for about 2 hours every day

I probably should have been in bed, but I am sick of being in bed, and the doctors okayed it

so I got a day pass

well, you need some time out of bed as well

btw I may be coming home tomorrow, at least for a few days

until the second rounds of results come in

that's great

but they are pretty adamant on me not walking on my prosthetics, I have developed brittle bones or something

I'm sure they are going to keep you on the IV antibotics though

just what I didnt need

actual I am on oral

They took me off the IV a few days ago

oh, ok

well, I have been pretty out of it as you know

They were afraid of an infection developing in the IV site

oh, that would be horrible

yeah thankfully it didnt happen though

btw Mom says when I get home I can spend the night with you, only because your Dads a doctor LOL

well, at least I will have something to look forward to

yeah me too

that's pretty rare for me of late

believe me I can relate

I do have some good news though

I am already tired of staring at my ceiling all day

what?

Mom was able to use her arms enough to get herself in bed, with the aid of a transfer board, and with only a little help from Daddy

that's awesome

Yeah she deserves to have some good things coming to her

yes, she does

I am truly happy for her

me too

I'm glad Rick was able to help her out

yeah me too

well, I have to lay down again, so I have to let you go.

ok I need to do the same its nearly midnight

yeah

I will talk to you later. Hang in there. We are going to get through this together

SusieQ Disconnects