My faith was what saw me through those weak moments when I was in the hospital. It was what let me get through the fact I would never walk again. As hard as those words were to hear I knew that I had a chose to make and that choose was to live in regrets or to be thankful for the fact that I was still alive. I choose to be thankful for the fact that I was still alive, I could live my life in this chair, I had no choice in that matter really, the only choice I did have was to be bitter or I could just accept what happened to me, that is not to say I never had my moments, because the fact is I still do, it has only been a few months since the accident, and it still is a period of adjustment for me, but I know that this is something I can get through, and I am thankful for that.
I am glad that I have learned to live within my limitations, glad that I have learned to accept what happened to me as I said before. I am glad that I have my faith to see m through this, I know that with Jesus I can get through anything, and that is enough to be praising the Lord for.
Some people tend to think I am in some sort of denial because I choose to remain positive throughout all of this, but the fact is how can I deny the fact that my life has changed, but I can decide how I am going to let those changes affect my attitude, and I have chosen to look at things more positive.
No I do not have some sort of Pollyanna complex, I am not playing some pretend game here, I know this is very real and I am living with the implications of the accident, if you can call it an accident every day. I am paying for someone elseís chose to get behind the wheel drunk, but I am not going to spend my time or energy hating someone who is sick, because alcoholism is a disease whether we choose to believe it or not, and I have already talked with the woman who got behind the wheel drunk, and let her know I forgave her. I think I caught her off guard, but hating takes too much energy and it doesnít accomplish anything. I just decided instead to live my life to the fullest.
I am still active in my church youth group and getting excited, I love the Lord and decided to not let what happened to me change that. I have decided instead to draw closer to the Lord and I have had many of the same dreams I had before. I love the Lord and I still dream of being a missionary someday, I am not about to let this wheelchair change that dream. I will have to do things differently, but the fact of the matter is I can still do most of what I did before, accept for walk of course, and I know people who are much worse off than I who have witnessed to others about the love of the Lord. We serve a wonderful and forgiving God, and I am glad I have a personal relationship with him, I know without him I could not have got through all I have. The Lord is good and I will continue to sing his praises, even in my weaker moments, and believe me I do have plenty of those.
I guess in many ways I am still like many teens my age, I am planning for college, I love hanging out with my friends, and love listening to music, especially country, my favorite song is Jesus Take the Wheel, itís an awesome song, and I can relate to it on so many different levels, I love Christian music as well, but I believe the Lord used Jesus Take the wheel to witness to me in a big way, and I am glad for that.
I am an avid reader as well, I love reading books by Lurlene Mcdaniel, but more recently I discovered Joni Eacerson Tadaís books and the books are well amazing, it has made me realize that you can choose how to react to things, and it makes me feel as if I made a good decision by looking at this as a blessing in disguise. I know that being in this wheelchair may not seem or look like a blessing, but the fact of the matter is it brought me closer to the Lord, and it has taught me more compassion and patience.