Leaving the hospital was scary, I did not feel like i was ready to go home. I was still coming to terms with the fact I would never walk again. I was going to have to face life sitting down, and I was not sure I was ready for that, I tried to remind myself that I was blessed to be alive, but sometimes it was all just so hard having to relearn to do the most basic of things over again.
Going home meant going back to school and that was another thing I did not feel ready for. I wanted to continue to learn, but couldn't I do it from home or something. I knew that hiding myself away was not going to do me any favors though. I needed to snap out of this, but how?
I knew that I had a lot of things to get used to, and sitting around feeling sorry for myself was not going to do it, but I often still found myself comparing my life before to my life after, and that was not doing me any favors either.
"Katrina we love you, and we want the best for you." Mom said, gently placing her hand on my shoulder. "Believe me if I could take your place I would, but honey this is a battle you are going to have to fight. I think it's a battle you can win though. Even if you never walk again, you can live a life that would make anyone proud."
Mother had a way of being right, but still it was a hard pill to swallow.
"I feel like I am a helpless infant."
"Katrina you can do everything but walk, don't look at what you can't do, look at what you can."
I knew I was blessed to have a Mother who would push me, who refused to handle me with kid gloves. Yes she offered me a shoulder when I needed to cry, but she did not let me fall into the self pity trap.
"Honey you can decide how you are going to react to this, but I am praying you fight through it. That you show the world that you are not very different from the rest of them. The wheelchair hasn't changed who you are on the inside."
To Be Continued