"Amy! Amy! Are you listening?" She heard the teacher’s voice calling her in the distance, but she didn’t really care, she didn’t want to answer. She was far away in this beautiful park, running under the warm sun, yellow daisies all around her, all alone in this beautiful place...
"AMY!" All of a sudden, someone was clenching her right shoulder.
"Let me go!" she screamed out in a frightened voice opening her eyes only to find
out she was dreaming again in class. The kids were laughing at her and the teacher was standing over her. "Stay in class after the bell rings!" she heard the teacher say, but this wasn’t new to her, in fact, it happened every single day.
With flushed cheeks Amy leaned her head on the table trying to hide her shame.
The kids were still laughing, pointing fingers at her, whispering between themselves as if she couldn’t hear them say:" what a dope Amy is! She’s so stupid that she can’t follow what the teacher says and that's why she falls asleep in class!"...
The bell rang and the class was dismissed...all but Amy!
Amy stayed to have another talk with the teacher. She knew those talks very well already. The teacher asked her questions, like if she got enough sleep at home, if she was sick or if she was on medications, if she was bored in class again or if she was troubled by anything else...and Amy would answer "no" to each one of them, after all she couldn’t possibly tell her the truth;
She had to keep her little secret!
The end of the day has come faster than what Amy had hoped for and everyone was rushing home.
Amy was walking slowly towards the gates; Looking behind her shoulders, checking to see if she was alone. She saw the kids walking on the dirt road on her way home and decided to walk right behind them...it was safer that way to avoid the bullies, she thought to herself, so she did. She followed the crowd.
Along the way, kids went to their homes and left her all by herself, so she began to run. All of a sudden, she saw a boy standing in the middle of the road. Amy stopped.
It was Josh! He was the “terror of the class”!
"Josh, get out of my way!" Amy said in a determined voice, but josh was just standing there smiling, moving his head from side to side as if to say “no-way!”
Amy tried to pass him, but he wouldn’t let her.
Josh was the worst bully Amy has ever suffered from. It wasn’t just the name calling or the teasing she didn’t like, it was the repeatedly beatings everyday after school she was terrified of.
Josh threw his backpack on the road and ran up to Amy. He managed to catch her hand and throw her to the ground even though she fought him with everything she had. He sat on top of her so she wouldn't be able to move and then he said: "You see how easy that was, Amy? You see? I can do whatever I want to you! Heck, I can rape you if I want to and no one would ever know! And that’s exactly what I’ll do, if you tell the teacher what I did to you! So keep your mouth shut!" he hit her with his fists straight in her tummy several times and then he got up. He left her there crying in the middle of the road then ran away.
It took about an hour for Amy to get back up on her feet after that. Suffering from scratches, a few bruises on her hands and a really bad stomachache she dragged herself home, knowing she was late.
Her mother would be home by now. She would probably be calling kids from class, asking if they knew where Amy was.
She was not used to having Amy come home late from school.
Amy was worried about her mother; during all that time she dragged herself home, that's all she could think of...how would her mother feel, what would her mother think...
Finally, Amy got home.
She opened the front door to find her mother smoking a cigarette in the kitchen.
This was always a bad sign. It meant her mother was angry or nervous. Amy’s mother rushed to the door, asking a million questions a minute, missing the obvious signs that Amy was in pain. Amy couldn’t answer, her stomach still hurt badly!
Amy’s mother was angry now, she went into her bedroom then came back out again, she had something in her hand, the odds weren’t in favor of Amy...it was a belt!
She beat up Amy for coming home late, for not answering her questions too...
She waved that belt up and down on Amy's back so many times until Amy’s strength didn’t hold anymore; She fainted.
This was Amy’s secret!
Amy opened her eyes merely seconds later, her mother helped her to get in bed. She cared for her needs for the rest of that day as if to take care of her guilty conscience.
The next day and the rest of the week Amy continued to go to school as she always did, she never told anyone about her secret. She was ashamed and she thought that this was something that happened in most families.
Years have passed quickly.
Amy's mother has met a man and was married before too long. The whole family has moved to a new city. For the first time in years, Amy has dared to hope.
Amy's life in the new town started on the right track. She signed up for school, met a new friend and her mother has calmed down a little bit ever since she got married.
Life was good!
One day Amy got her mother really angry and before she could apologize, her mother took out the belt again.
"Mom, stop! Please don't!" said Amy in a trembling voice. She was hurting, but her mother's hand continued to wave that belt in a repetitive motion...up and down, up and down on Amy's scarred back...
"If you don’t stop it, I will tell my school counselor about this, mom!" threatened Amy in her last attempt to stop her mom. Amy knew that it was either- do all she could to stop her now or let her continue until she faints again.
"Go ahead! You think you're scaring me? Ha ha ha" her mother was laughing now.
"No one will believe you! You silly girl, they all think you're a compulsive liar!"
She sat down, finally, put the belt on the table and took a cigarette out from her fancy cigarette case, Amy bought her for mother's day last year. She lit the cigarette, took a deep breath and then Amy saw her puff. She had a much more relaxed look on her face now, so Amy decided it was a safe enough time to ask...
“Why does everyone think I’m a compulsive liar, mom?"
"Because I told them that you were one and that's why we had to move up here!"
Her mom answered with a big smile of satisfaction on her face, and then she got up and walked towards her bedroom.
Amy felt the tears accumulating in her eyes. She tried to hold it together, but she couldn’t anymore. She ran to her room, jumped on her bed and cried into her pillow so no one could hear. Amy cried longer than usual that night; she felt she was the lonliest girl in the world. There was no where to go, no one to turn to at a time of need and the only person who was supposed to be there for her, is the one that turned on her!
Amy sank into the deepest hole of all. She was depressed!
Amy continued to go to school as usual, her grades suffered a minor decrease, but she was determined to keep them as high as always, so she studied hard. She never went out with friends anymore, always had a good excuse when they invited her over.
"I will put on a 'mask' so that no one would know how I really feel", thought Amy when she was alone in her room.
"I will always keep on a smile, act as I always have so no one would suspect"
She planned in her mind. She kept a secret diary, which was her best friend in the world. There she wrote how she really felt, what her life was really like, how she wished she was brave and told someone else years ago...
Her diary was the only one who knew her secret!
One day on her way back home from school, Amy was walking slowly on a dirt road. She was all alone. All the other kids already left.
Cars were going back and forth and Amy was walking on the side of the road.
Amy saw a truck coming; she knew what to do...
She jumped right in front of the truck in the middle of the road and stood there.
“Please, god, make it painless," she thought to herself in the last few moments before she and the truck stood "face to face" and then all of a sudden she was dizzy and all she saw was a bright light.
“That’s it! I finally did it! I'm in that bright tunnel everyone was talking about, on my way to heaven...Now I will finally meet my daddy, I’ve been waiting for this all of my life!" Amy was so happy, she wasn’t this happy in a very long time. She let herself leave all of her worries and sadness behind. “Now everything is finally over! I’m dead and the secret will go to the grave with me!”
Little did Amy know what was happening around her…
Her body lay on the ground, she looked so tiny and lifeless…blood was all around her.
“She is dead!” the paramedic, who was alerted to the scene of the accident, announced. They tried to revive her but they couldn’t. Amy was gone!
Close to her body laid her backpack, it was torn open; probably because of the impact of the hit. Out of the bag fell a notebook. It was plain looking but the trucker felt compelled to pick it up and take a look. There he saw black on white, written in this girly handwriting, one line: “This diary contains the deepest secret of Amy Jones!”
He knew he wasn’t supposed to read it, yet he felt drawn to it and so he found himself turning the pages, reading it as if it was a best seller novel. He couldn’t put it down until he read it all and once he did he knew why; he finally understood why Amy jumped in front of his truck.
It was no longer Amy’s little secret!
Copyright ©2002 Michal