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Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen

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Kayleigh has been sticking closer to me, she knows when I am going through a down time, but I have to remind myself that this body is only temporal anyway and in Heaven I will be made whole again, but I am far from a perfect Christian, and I do sometimes ask myself why.







7:26 P.M PST

Hello here at Kendra's she has her kids back now, but Hunter was hurt, by some monster and we believe Tyler was as well, and Holly is feeling really self conscious.  Truth be told so have I and it has been nothing to do with seeing Holly, as I told her when I talked to her yesterday my ghosts have nothing to do with her but with the war, but somehow the Lord sees me through.

Truth be told I have been struggling lately, feeling guilty and feeling as if I am not doing enough for Christ.  At times I find myself falling into that trap of self pity, and that truly does no one any good, but I am trying to be strong, still the Ghosts of the War haunt me and I am reminded daily when I see what happened to me of war, not that that is something I could ever forget or would ever want to, and that is why I get so mad when people disrespect our soldiers, you feel the need to cut us down, but without us fighting you would not have that right, I literally lost a part of myself for that right.

Kayleigh has been sticking closer to me, she knows when I am going through a down time, but I have to remind myself that this body is only temporal anyway and in Heaven I will be made whole again, but I am far from a perfect Christian, and I do sometimes ask myself why.

I went to church this morning, some mornings I have to literally drag myself out of bed, well that is how I get around when I am not using my chair LOL, but anyway I made it, and I am glad I did an inspiring sermon does something for the soul, and I really do not know why I was so self conscious, because I really don't need to be, I may not have my legs, but the fact of the matter is I am alive, although truth be told I do question why I was spared at times, but when I see my girls and my loving husband I know the Lord has a purpose for me, and that is why I have decided to write my story and have it published.  It is not an easy story to write, and I often find myself literally weeeping over the keyboard, but the truth is writing does offer a healing of sorts and the Lord has blessed me with that outlet.

I hope talking to Holly yesterday helped her understand that she was not the reason I was down.  I am suffering the effects of PTSD, which is no wonder considering what went on over there, but more than that I need to let Go and let God to borrow a cliche, and I need to take joy in the things I have.  I may not have been able to teach Kayleigh to ride a bike, but I was there to watch her ride it, I may not have my legs, but that does not prevent me from loving my kids.

I was reading earlier today in the book of Phillipians the Third Chapter verses 12-21




Pressing on Toward the Goal

 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.


 17Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

The Last part of verse 21 about transforming our lowly bodies really spoke to our heart and I was more than grateful for the gift of Salvation and I am more than glad I fought, despite what I lost, because I was fighting to give others the right to worship Christ.

Well Kayleigh and I are getting ready to watch a movie, in Holly's room, Kayleigh has really taken a liking to Holly and Sierra has been great, its amazing the dancing she does, she hasnt let the loss of her legs become an obstacle, maybe I need to talk to her.  Get a boost

Well I am really going to go now I need to call it a night, after I watch that movie with my daughter.  I have a few more days before I have to fly back home Kevin goes home tomorrow, so I will be here with Kendra a few days and of course the girls and Kayleigh.

God Bless

Shilah Winslow


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