I did not get to be a child for very long because FLDS from a very young age are expected to take on the chores of Motherhood, preparing us to be good wives and good Mothers.  I was the middle of a total of eighteen children, by four different wives my Father had, my Mom was not yet eighteen when she had me, and I was her fourth child, she was tired and showed us little affection, we were just objects to her, which is the way it is in many FLDS families, boys carry more values, girls are good for reproducing, and by the time I was twelve I was married off and was starting a family.  My husband took me as his six wife, at twelve I was the youngest,. and often the older wives would beat me into submission.  Perhaps the beatings had something to do with the way Anna was born.

I was used to being hit, being slapped around though, because that was a normal way of life, we were beat into submission from a very young age, I remember watching as my Mom slapped my sister so hard that she fell backwards, she wasn't even a year yet, and I was afraid she was going to die, she survived, and thankfully I took her with me when I escaped.  My sister was only a few years older than my daughter when we left, but she was being beaten so badly that I knew if I did not take her, she would come just another unmarked grave.

I suppose not all FLDS families are abusive and that some women were happy in this life, but I was miserable and was afraid of being killed.  I knew I had to escape with Anna and Linda, when I saw one of the Older wives try to kill Anna in her sleep, saying God did not want a child like her living that it was a disgrace to the profit, and when I saw my Mom beat Linda so bad that blood was dripping from her face, her sin being born dark skinned, because the FLDS believe only whites are the chosen people, and although Linda was white, she wasn't whaite enough.

Writing my story is a painful process, but my therapist says a necessary one, so here I am writing the words, confronting the fears that keep me awake at night, afraid that somewhere out there they might still try and get me might take Anna and Linda from me.

To Be Continued