The Knob Goblin
A Mother’s Conundrum
Puppy love can be a sweet thing, but, as one Mrs. Evelyn Kapowski will attest, what you want to avoid more than anything is puppy love producing more puppies. Her son Jimmie was in the tenth grade and was a respectable boy. He got A’s and B’s, played the trombone and soccer, rarely got detention. No, he was a good boy. Jimmie, in her mind, was not the problem. The problem was with Jimmie’s girlfriend, Kimmie. Yeah, ha, Jimmie and Kimmie, funny, but they were fairly serious and had been going out a long time, which was especially troubling to Mrs. Kapowski.
Jimmie Kapowski and Kimmie Harper had met on a fourth grade field trip but had only officially been going out since the seventh grade. They walked back and forth to school together. They were practically inseparable. In terms of high school dating, they’d been married roughly about 20 years. Lately, though, Jimmie’s mom noticed Kimmie had been giving Jimmie a look, and she wasn’t feeling good about it. You know the look. A look, shall we say, that some gentlemen might claim they could feel in their hip pocket. Jimmie was only in tenth grade and Mrs. Kapowski didn’t want her son to start having sex at such a young age, but she didn’t know what to do.
The final straw was Thursday evening. Jimmie and Kimmie had been “studying” and as she passed by his room, she saw Jimmie guiltily scramble to remove his hand from under Kimmie’s shirt.
“What are you studying?” she questioned loudly.
She hoped it wasn’t anatomy.
Kimmie got off Jimmie’s bed looking guilty as sin. Jimmie’s face turned red. “Geometry,” he explained. Kimmie adjusted her shirt so it did not appear as if a hand had been groping its way slowly up it like a snake.
“Why don’t you two study downstairs?” she suggested, which was, of course, met with a chorus of protests from both children. She eventually coaxed them down the stairs for a while but knew it was only a matter of time before they were home alone. And then what? No, she didn’t want puppies having puppies, not on her watch. What could be done about it was another matter entirely. She was discussing the issue in the kitchen with her neighbor, Peggy. “He’s already rounding second base…” they were sipping wine, she was already feeling pretty buzzed, “…soon she’ll be gobbling his knob.”
Peggy blushed and chuckled. Yes, Mrs. Kapowski really talked like that and perhaps her language was reflected in her son’s behavior.
“Has Brett had the talk with him?” Peggy asked. She sipped her wine.
“Yep, but that was two years ago,” Mrs. Kapowski complained. “That’s like decades in teenage time. I need to scare him,” she professed.
Robbie, her older son in college, had entered quietly through the back door and was eavesdropping on the conversation.
“Otherwise we might end up with the same problem the Martins had last fall,” Mrs. Kapowski commented. “Scare ’em good.”
“Like how?” Peggy asked.
“I’m not sure,” she said, swigging her wine. I just don’t want him getting her pregnant and ruining his future,” she told Peggy. Robbie just happened to be entering the kitchen as she said this. Robbie was in college and a bit of an amateur con artist. He usually wore a black or blue baseball cap backwards and wore thick, black-framed eyeglasses, though no one was sure if there were any lenses in them. He was a bit of a con artist in that he sold individual cigarettes to everybody in his dorm. He sold them for a dollar a cigarette, which meant he barely made ten dollars a pack. Still, it was a steady income.
“Check this out, Moms.” Yeah, Robbie really talked like that, as we begin to see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. “Ima do you a solid.”
Robbie waited a while before approaching Jimmie. He was very nonchalant when he sauntered up to his brother after school. Jimmie was doing homework, Robbie knocked his book off his lap.
“So how’s your chick?” Robbie asked antagonistically. Jimmie nodded. He usually didn’t discuss his relationship with his older brother.
“Ya hit that yet?” Robbie inquired.
Jimmie looked perturbed, “No…No!!!”
Robbie asked, “Has she at least polished the wonder weasel yet?”
“What?” Jimmie was clearly mortified. “No.”
Robbie punched him on the arm. “Relax, numbnuts.”
Jimmie changed his tone. “Does it feel good?”
Robbie must have forgotten his priorities. “The best… if you get a girl that gives good head, hold on to her like…” Then, Robbie must have realized what he was saying, “but you gotta watch out…” Robbie seemed to be positioning himself, “for Biters.”
“Biters?” Jimmie asked.
Robbie clicked his teeth together.
Jimmie grabbed down at his privates. “Some girls bite?”
Robbie tried not to smile, “There was this one chick…” he paused, he may have been creating drama or just thinking of a name, “…Sophia’s sister…she was this Goth chick, you know, she dressed all in black and read Lovecraft and shit, she was like a senior when I was a freshman…she was really into giving head…I mean she was like the village bicycle if you get my drift.”
“No, I don’t,” said Jimmie.
“Never mind…anyway, this one senior Nick Halloway nicknamed her the knob goblin, and, well, Sophia’s sister wanted revenge. So she took off her Goth clothes, she was actually really hot when she didn’t dress like a vampire, got all dressed up and pretended to be interested in Nick. She approached him at a party and eventually they went upstairs. When she got him on the bed, she took off his pants. Then she went down on him, and, well …” he stopped.
“What?” Jimmie was being drawn in slowly.
“What do you think, she bit his cock off.”
“Come on,” Jimmie laughed.
“It ain’t no laughing matter,” Robbie said, grabbing his junk.
“After that everyone called her the Knob Goblin…She disappeared that spring.”
“Seriously?” Jimmie said. “I don’t remember that.”
“Hello, dummy,” Robbie knocked on Jimmie’s forehead. “Do you really think they’re gonna print Girl Bites Off Guy’s Dick in the newspaper?”
“I guess not,” Jimmie said, looking down.
Robbie smirked, I can’t believe Jimmie’s buying it. Now, for the icing on the cake, “People say she wasn’t even really a person but some horrible creature…a goblin or something…they say she can take the form of a hot girl and she stills stalks Jefferson High looking for revenge for what Nick did to her, looking for the next wiener she can bite off.”
“Whatever,” Jimmie said. “I’m a bit old for fairy tales. I ain’t six.”
“My fault, baby bro,” Robbie said, bumping his fist, “but the first part is true …I swear to God, Mind your man meat.”
All week Robbie thought little of the pseudo-story he had told Jimmie. He had cigarettes to sell and maybe he’d go to a few classes. On Saturday there was a big party. He quickly forgot all about his little brother and his girl problem or lack thereof as he considered it. Getting laid, in his eyes, was not really a problem, more of the solution. And, like most myths, this one starts off with the phrase: Robbie had been drinking a lot. He had plenty of friends at college, but Robbie was sort of a lone wolf. He spotted his prey and went in for the kill. An older girl, hell, she wasn’t even a girl but more of a woman. She was short but really cute, stunning, really. She had hair so blonde it was practically gold, and curves in all the right places. She wore a tight green dress and when she licked her lips, Robbie felt a suspension of gravity in his pants. Strangely enough, despite her hotness and the fact that she was standing in the corner with fuck me eyes, she did not seem to be getting hit on by any guys.
He walked up to her with a swagger unseen by college boys approaching an older woman and said, “So, what brings you to this,” all of a sudden he felt his mind blank, “nekkid of the woods?” He felt his face flush red but continued to smile. “Neck,” he blurted out.
“You bee taken about me,” she said, oddly replacing been with bee and talking with taken.
“Do I know you?” Robbie asked confidently.
She giggled and snorted. For a moment Robbie thought she looked really ugly, hideous even, with moles and warts on her face, but when he turned his head, standing in front of him was a short, hot blonde.
Robbie almost walked away right there, believe me he should have, but her cleavage seemed to hold him in some gravitational pull. She curtly reached out her hand and introduced herself, “Ahoy-hoy, I Emee.” She spoke with a strange accent that Robbie could not quite place, but he ignored it.
“Nice to meet you Amy, I’m Rob,” Robbie said, shaking her hand.
She giggled some more, “No but Amy…Eeemee.”
“Oh.” Robbie was already flustered. “My bad, where you from?”
“Not fro ’rond here,” she said, clearly eyeing Robbie up. And she had beautiful eyes, more beautiful than he had ever seen. Her eyes were like jewels; when Robbie looked into her eyes, he thought she must be wearing contacts, because, instead of the normal brown or blue or green or maybe even hazel, this girl had purple eyes. He was hypnotized almost immediately as this Emee just continued to giggle, shrug and press her cleavage together. Robbie, who was not much of a philosopher, reflected at one point that she looked like a robot. It was odd the way she bent over showing her cleavage every few minutes or so. And sometimes Robbie got the feeling she might be retarded or something as if she didn’t even know what he was talking about, but Fuck it, he thought, look at her sculpted backside.
“Do you wanna dance?” Robbie asked.
Emee’s eyes flashed like amethysts. She shook her head no. Then, seeming to realize she was saying no, she nodded yes. Again, it was as if she didn’t understand him. But her body understood his as they began to bump and grind on the dance floor. Within minutes Robbie had an erection which was poking directly to Emee’s backside as they danced. She smiled as Robbie basically dry fucked her right there on the dance floor in front of everyone. The dry fucking led to making out and Robbie and Emee were basically molesting each other by the time the lights came on to end the party.
Robbie wasn’t sure how to pop the question. Although Robbie talked a big game, he had really only spent the night with two women, one of them being his long-time high school sweetheart.
“Ah….So?” Robbie was drunk and he still couldn’t ask.
“We go bac for you rome?” she asked.
“Are you an exchange student?” Robbie asked drunkenly.
“Yes, for Romania,” Emee replied.
“Oh…yeah….I thought so,” Robbie stammered, gathering up his coat. His mind at ease, he and the woman, using each other as crutches, staggered out the door back to his dorm.
Before they got in the door Robbie’s shirt was off and Emee had her hand down his pants. She grabbed hold of his member, jerking him violently.
“Whoa,” Robbie could hardly believe his luck, and this foreign chick was dirty, too. Can it get any better? he thought to himself. And then it got better.
“I goin gob you knob.” Her fingernails were long like claws as she caressed his thighs. Her purple eyes sparkled as if hypnotizing him. He felt a tug, or was that Emee pulling at his zipper? She then proceeded to unbutton his pants, giving him the most mind-numbing blowjob he had ever had.
Robbie moaned, he felt as if his face and body were melting as she slowly slurped him down. She devoured him and he came fairly quickly. After the orgasm, Robbie promptly passed out, and Emee tied him to the bed frame as she had planned.
When Robbie awoke, he was naked and strapped to the bed. Surrounding him were dozens of candles that appeared to be in a pentagram, and at first he thought he was dreaming. His wrists were already numb and he felt drowsy, as if under some spell. There was movement; Emee had entered the room. Glimpsing her out of the corner of his eye, Robbie again swore she was not a woman but some hideous creature, a troll or goblin, but when she faced him she was the same pretty blonde from the party, still wearing the same dress. She picked up a candle and climbed over Robbie’s tied-down, quivering body.
“Whatta you gonna do wit that!!!” Robbie was no longer relaxed, especially when Emee, still holding the candle, cupped his scrotum with her free hand.
“FUCK...SHIT…BITCH,” Robbie yelled out. With all his strength he pulled at the ropes, but try as he might, he could not break free.
“Quite,” Emee said, kissing Robbie on the lips gently. “You walk the dade,” but he knew she meant dead. He wondered, What do the dead have to do with it? Robbie continued to struggle, trying to break the ropes that bound him, that is, until Emee removed the top of her dress. Then, like a spell, Robbie stopped struggling, staring at her pink nipples just inches from his face. Emee was short but in Robbie’s mind she had a body like a sex goddess or perhaps sex demon might be a better description. As her breast got closer and closer, Robbie was motionless, hypnotized all over again. As she fed him her breast in what was similar to an infant feeding, she pulled her dress up above her waist, pouring scalding hot wax on her inner thighs. Robbie looked, especially at what was above her thighs, but he was too busy suckling and did not seem to notice that the wax did not at all burn her skin. Emee was wearing panties, though they were very thin panties with fabric that was see-through, so the majority of Robbie’s attention was focused on that and, of course, her breast. With her free hand she began to fondle Robbie gently, and once again he began to relax, his member to stiffen.
As she tugged on Robbie’s member, he closed his eyes. Robbie did not notice that Emee’s hand which held the candle was changing in color and in size. At first it was subtle and, in the shadows of a bedroom, rather hard to make out, but her arm was getting larger, her fingers longer and sharper. Robbie was in lala land; as she continued to work up and down on his shaft his breathing intensified. He was about to climax. The hand holding the candle continued to grow more pronounced, and instead of fingers there appeared to be a long, green claw. A rather scary, monstrously sharp-looking thing that looked as if it could snap the candle in half.
As Robbie climaxed, she poured hot wax over his scrotum. He screamed out, there was darkness and a loud SNAP, then a CLIP!!!
The next morning Robbie was found dead in his bed.
The article in the newspaper had this to say about his demise:
College Student Found Dead in Dorm Room, Penis Missing!!!