The Human Farm
It would have been cruel (in an I told-you-so kind of way) to laugh at the humans when the Carnigones landed on their home planet Earth. The words You reap what you sow registered on more than one species’ lips while watching the news throughout the galaxy. The Mahulanis in their own metrosexual way muttered irony and went back to whatever it is Mahulanis do when they’re not insulting people, which is mostly acting sassy and waving their hands around. The Carnigones were not interested in meeting with any leaders. Anyone who tried to get in their way was disintegrated with a death ray, Mars Attacks-style. Once they had established their dominance (which took roughly about 48 hours), the Carnigones immediately kidnapped roughly 17% of the human race and shipped them to a planet far, far away. The planet was dubbed The Zoo, but life for humans there wasn’t so bad. Most humans lived in a coop complete with a pasture. They could go graze or exercise outside whenever they wanted. They were fed three times daily. There were only roughly about 50-100 people on every human farm. So, it’s not like it was overcrowded. Conditions were not horrible, they were actually quite nice. Many humans reported it reminded them a lot of prison, but they were not mistreated, at least not yet.
Coincidently (and maybe this was done on purpose) the Carnigones did not kidnap any vegetarians or vegans. Huh, weird. John Jacobs happened to be one of these meat-eaters transported to the human farm to be fattened up. At first John was bummed and homesick, but on the second week he changed that tune quickly. John could not believe his eyes when Lacey Undercarriage, the adult movie actress stepped off the transport. John watched with eager delight (she was after all his favorite adult movie actress), as she was forced to strip down and was deloused. And Lacey was different than most women, in that she didn’t mind being nude. She was nude, while most woman were naked. Ask your art teacher to tell you the difference. She didn’t even bother to cover herself after her clothes were removed. She just stood there, her mound of Venus trimmed like a fairway or maybe runway of the Gods, that John Jacobs envisioned was leading to the very gates of Heaven. Gates that were made of meat curtains that touched at both ends like a pink and purple flower that had not yet unfurled. Lacey was a perfect specimen, her breasts like perfect bean bags, more than a handful, and John could not help but wonder if they would taste like butter on his tongue. And her body was tanned and muscular; she had curves that sent most males around the bend, John Jacobs was no exception. He watched as a Carnigone with rubber gloves gave Lacey a physical. She was as healthy as a horse. She was released into the general population. That night at dinner, Lacey sat alone. Nude and alone. Most intelligent males who are reading this would probably still prefer Earth to The Zoo, but I’m sure there are some idiots out there that would sign up for The Zoo, agreeing it was an infinitely better world than Earth. As John looked around the crowded cafeteria (it was after all chicken tenders night), he noticed that most of the single males were eyeing her. Relationships at The Zoo were forbidden, but that doesn’t mean many males and females weren’t having them. Sex was obviously encouraged and if you popped out enough babies, maybe the Carnigones wouldn’t pop your head off. John knew he had to act fast. The single males were allowing her to get used to The Zoo, but that wouldn’t last long. He walked up to Lacey and said, “Hi.” Such a simple word. It was not long after, that John Jacobs was inserting his rather lengthy penis in Lacey’s vagina, and although other males were watching, John didn’t mind, it made him feel like a porn star. John had intercourse with Lacey seven times. Each time he finished, Lacey said she wanted more. When he said, “No,” she immediately started giving him oral sex, until he couldn’t refuse. She hadn’t been plucked in a couple of months and she was really horny. She was, after all, a porn star and one who loved sex for recreation like so many males.
The next day Lacey Undercarriage had sex with three other males. John was upset but tried not to show it. Lacey still spent her night lying next to him. The next day Lacey had sex with five males at the same time. John was having trouble controlling himself. He felt like doing something violent. Then, as if the gods had truly smiled in his favor, the very next day there was a new arrival. It was a female in the very same industry as Lacey Undercarriage. She even had another ridiculous surname. Lily Bangkok was to John Jacobs very exotic. She was from Asia and her body was small and compact. Her vagina was compact-er, it was actually more like a car wash. John Jacobs had never seen or heard of anything so strange. Lily was what they referred to in the industry as “a squirter”. To put it less bluntly she could shoot water out of her vagina like a fire hose. John Jacobs didn’t know what this meant, but found out after about forty minutes of sex. Lily was on top of him. He could feel her throbbing as she went up and down. She screeched to a climatic halt. Warm liquid rushed down John Jacobs’s legs. John felt like his balls were on fire. He reached down to touch them to make sure they were okay. His testicles were fine, they were just soaking with warm temperate water. After sex they went for a walk in the pasture and watched the blue sunset. John Jacobs could not believe his luck. So he was going to die. He had won the equivalent of winning the sexual lottery. Million to one. Two adult film stars. Jackpot. Not long after that John Jacobs was slaughtered. And some would argue he suffered very little. Before his throat was slit, he was knocked unconscious by a taser. The last thing he remembered was being led into a room a lot like a doctor’s office. The killer tasered him from behind and end of story.
The Human Farm Goes Factory
Human was a huge success on Carnigonia. Carnigonians found the meat supple. President Hoosier proclaimed, “A human in every pot.” It became the meat of choice and was usually served with barbecue sauce or glazed honey sauce and a side of cubids. Cubids were a tuber and sort of like a potato. With the drastic increase in demand for human, the Carnigones had to increase production; in no time at all they had turned the once peaceful ranch into a factory farm. Since the farms had produced many babies but still not nearly enough to satisfy the hunger for human, another 44% of the human population was taken from their habitat on Earth. John Jacobs Junior was one of the unfortunate beings to be included in this food experiment. The landscape that John Jacobs Junior surveyed when he got to The Zoo was very different from the one his father had seen. He had to stifle his gag reflex the moment he entered. First of all there were no more pastures, no places to frolic and play. There was no room, period. Naked bodies were packed wall to wall, shoulder to shoulder. Instead of there being 50-100 per farm, 2000-4000 humans were packed into a warehouse that could barely fit them. And space was not all John Jacobs Junior was losing upon entering this factory farm. He was not just deloused. John Jacob Junior was castrated. John Jacobs Junior felt like his balls were on fire. He looked down and noticed his testicles had been seared off. It was determined that John Jacobs’s stock was not ideal. The stock that was ideal seemed to be some sort of mutated males with a giant head with eyes that were uneven, flat pig noses and ears that wiggled when they were excited. The image of Sloth from The Goonies comes to mind. Luckily, this stock was so bulging with muscles it could not move very fast. Most of this stock could barely walk. These genetically mutated masses of muscle and tissue walked with a limp; some had a hump (one lump or two) and looked like both Igor and Frankenstein’s monster combined. The females were equally as gruesome. At least the ones that were born at The Zoo. They were much bigger, had acne all over their naked bodies, and had no breasts. Some of the more hideous ones had facial hair. John Jacob Junior did not find them sexually appealing at all. The first night was horrible. The lights stayed on all night. John Jacobs tried to find a comfortable place, but there were naked bodies everywhere, slipping and sliding. Once he did nod off, but awoke to three male creatures having intercourse with a female. The female (who was almost bald) had festering sores on her rump and all over her genitalia. Mucus oozed from her nose, pus from her half-closed eyes. Each genetically mutated male took a turn ramming her from behind. There was grunting and strange suction noises. John Jacobs Junior put his hands over his eyes and hoped it would pass. He wished the lights would go out, but they didn’t. The bulbs just kept burning all night and day, except he couldn’t tell if it was night or day, because there were no windows anywhere. Just when John Jacobs Junior thought things couldn’t get any more unbearable, he was hit by a stream of shooting semen that had somehow missed its intended target. John Jacobs Junior bent over and vomited against the wall. He looked down and saw a rather large pile of feces had been coated by his puke; underneath the feces was an arm. At breakfast the next morning John Junior noticed some strange stuff had been sprinkled into his feed. It was powdery, and it sure as heck wasn’t sugar. It tasted like medicine. Or maybe poison.
Eventually John Jacobs Junior found a companion; she was a female who had been brought to this terrible place. Her name was Carissa. She had kept on the run. Her only solace was she was way quicker than the mutant masses who had trouble walking upright and erect. She had been able to escape until she grew tired. When she fell asleep, the genetic mutants caught her and raped her. For although they couldn’t reproduce, they sure knew how to fuck. Carissa awoke to a club-like penis covered with festering chancres being jammed into her face. Another genetic mutant was masturbating while watching her; his teeth were unevenly spaced and his stump of a penis was dripping with a yellowish discharge. She tried to move but couldn’t. She bit down on the closest penis, but it was too late, they had her pinned down. She was now a shivering shell of a woman. She shook every time John Junior held her, and even if she had been in the mood, his sex drive was killed by his castration, and even if he had his balls, there was the overwhelming smell of stench, stink and decaying flesh. After being in this place for a while, John Junior realized that some of the piles of human weren’t sleeping. There were piles of human bodies everywhere and, between the floorboards was a lake of shit a hundred feet wide. Shit lake, as it was affectionately named by the ones who knew how to speak and were not genetic mutants, was a constant health hazard. Humans died daily, dropping dead of influenza or other diseases. Life was hard at The Zoo and John Jacobs Junior often prayed for it to be over. Carissa was a little more proactive; she started to mutilate herself. Every day was a battle to survive.
When it became time for slaughter both John and Carissa were hung upside down by their feet. They were shocked, but the charger was only half working so although both were bleary-eyed, both were also conscious when they slowly were moved toward a spinning blade that they could both hear and feel like a tremor, turning their blood cold. Carissa tried to scream out, but found all of the blood had rushed to her head. The mutant in front of her was next in line for the blade. She saw it slice his neck and she saw him struggle to breathe and then defecate all over his back and the floor below. The smell of shit came wafting up. John Jacobs Junior could barely move. Carissa moved toward the blade, and John Junior watched through blurry eyes as Carissa’s jugular was sliced. John Junior watched as her bowels released, and she sprayed diarrhea all over her back and face and the floor below. A shit mist hung in the air. Carissa was lucky. For some reason the blade became bent after it sliced Carissa. Maybe she was just a tough nut to crack, but afterwards it was no longer spinning properly. When it struck John Junior’s neck it didn’t quite hit the jugular so much as just slice his neck open. Blood began to run down his face into his eyes. He reached his hand up to feel the gash in his throat, and that’s when he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his neck, and the worst part was that he wasn’t dying or even going unconscious. He winced as if to yell out, but couldn’t make a sound, and that’s when John Junior shat all over the floor. Since he was upside-down his shit hit him and smeared down his back, neck and head. He started to fade out of consciousness, but once again he was not that lucky. John Jacobs Junior came to; he had been tossed on a pile of dead bleeding bodies. He landed face down smashing out four teeth and shattering his jaw. Once the adrenaline kicked in he crawled through the mangled bodies, his throat still spurting blood. He could not see, just feel the stiff cold flesh. When he got to the edge of the pile, he reached out for help. He could barely see. Before him stood an eight-foot-tall Carnigone with a giant sledge hammer. The Carnigone brought the hammer down on his skull shattering it into tiny fragments.
By: Joseph DeMarco