Chapter Twenty One:
I worried about Emily as well, she was still having a hard time taking in the fact that she was going to be able to wear her prosthetics for awhile, they worried that she would end up with a blood infection. I had gone with her to her last appointment, knowing that she would say anything to get back to work, she missed her patients, but she was not able to go back to doctoring yet, first she needed to care for herself.
Lord help Emily get through this, help her see that she needs the this time off, she needs to focus on herself for awhile. I know she doesn’t like doing that, but Lord you know the importance of her caring for herself.“I feel useless when I am not being productive.” Emily said.
“Emily you’ve been helping with Jillian.”
“It doesn’t seem like much.”
“It’s plenty take my word for it.”
“I hate feeling this helpless.”
“You’re not helpless Emily, and it’s okay to need to have time to yourself, to need a few days not to focus on others, but to focus on yourself. If you don’t keep yourself healthy whose going to keep you healthy.”
“The patient using the doctors advise against her.” Emily laughed.
“It’s good advise, take care of yourself Emily, a lot of people need you, but right now you need to focus on yourself.”
“I guess you’re right.” Emily reluctantly admitted, “But it’s more than that, it’s silly really, but I keep having these vivid memories of the accident, and when I am not wearing my prosthetics, I keep remembering the first day having to face the fact that I had lost my legs.”
“It’s not silly at all Em, it’s natural to have those memories, those feelings, I do myself.”
“It’s not even been a year since your accident though.”
“I don’t think grief carries a timeline, and you are used to burying yourself in your work, maybe you have been doing that so long, you haven’t let yourself face it.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know Heather.”
“It might help.”
“I was nineteen at the time, been in college for over a year, and was driving home from visiting my parents, there was a blue pick up and it was swerving all over the road, I remember that, and feeling scared, I told myself he was going to hurt someone, I didn’t think that someone would be me at the time, but not more than a minute later, he slammed into me, and my blue civic was wrapped around a telephone poll. I was tapped in the car, both of my legs damaged so badly the paramedics just shook their heads, I knew something was wrong, the pain was horrible, so bad that I finally let sleep take over me.” Emily said, finally letting the tears she had been holding back loose.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through this.”
“They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Emily went on. “But for weeks after the accident I wished I had died, I felt my life was over, I had been a cheerleader, been active in sports, and now I was facing life without my legs, I was not ready for that kind of test, and to be truthful I was mad at God for letting it happen. My faith had been severly shaken, and for a long time I thought that was the end of my dream of becoming a doctor, I had worked so hard for that dream.”
“I am glad you were able to realize the dreams.” I said.
‘Thank you.” Emily said. “I’m sorry to unburden this on you. I know you’ve been through enough.”
“I asked you to talk about it, because I know you’ve been holding it in for a long time, if I idn’t want you to tell me about it, I wouldn’t have asked.”
“Thank you Heathe.” Emily said. “I guess I have been holding this inb for a long time and it does help to talk about it. Thank you for being willing to listen.”
“You don’t need to thank me Emily, you have spent plenty of tiem listening to me going on about the night I was shot.”
Emily and I moved from our chairs to the sofa to watch a movie on lifetime, before Jillian came home from school, I had the phone on the coffee table next to the sofa, in case it rang, I did not have to worry about transferring from my chair and then chasing the phone down in case Eric called. I could not wait to hear my husband voice again, and I wanted to hear him say that they had caught the monster that at the latest count had taken nearly a half dozen little girls life, and had taken Jillian’s innocence, every time I lsaw sadness in to my daughters eye I was reminded of what she had been through. I wanted this monster to pay for what he had done, not so much for myself, but fot the innocent lives he had taken, I was still alive, he had tkan my ability to walk but not my life.
“Heather thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For encouraging me to open up the way you did, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, do you know I haven’r really let myself cry over the accident in nearly ten years?”
“Em, that’s not good.”
“I know, but I just felt the need to bury myself in the word, maybe this, me getting theis infection was God’s way of teeling me to slow down, and let myself feel the emotions I have held back for so long.”
“Maybe Em, but whatever it was I am glad you let some of that off your chest, you know you can talk to me anytime day or night.”
“I know and I am so grateful you and Eric asked me to spend the time Eric was away here, I don’t think I should have been at home alone, I don’t know what might have happened.”
“I am glad you agreed to come., because we really did need you to be with Jillian when I go to the office.”
“You must miss going on the stake outs and all the action of being an FBI Agent.”
“I do.” I admitted. “But I believe I will be a part of that again.”
“I hope so for your sake.”
“If I’m not though it’s not the end of the world, I know I can get through it.”
“I know you will too, and like you told me if you ever need to talk I am available to listen.”
“Thanks En, I know there are going to be times I need that.”
I missed Eric, five days seemed like an eternity. I was going to be glad when this was over, when Eric was back at home where he belonged. I knew this trip was necessary, it was going to help catch the Innocence Thief, but it did not lessen the way I missed him any, and even Jillian was missing him. She was completely comfortable around her “Daddy” now whereas before she had been terrified.