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Tom Hyland

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Tom's Tall Tales Told Truthfully - Part Two
By Tom Hyland
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2008
Last edited: Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This short story is rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Tom Hyland
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?
· DADDY ... ADDENDUM
· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?
· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !
· ALL MY CARS - PART 2
· ALL MY CARS
· AU-TO-MO-BILES
           >> View all 79
Is there a Doctor in the house?

We have a big herd of SHEEP here, all with RECTAL BLEEDING!

Is there a Shepherd in the house?

Is HE a GOOD ONE?

Wanna know WHY - whenever there is an accident where a LAWYER is hit by a car, there are NEVER any SKID MARKS?

Read on, MacDuff!






T T T T T - Part Two

© - Tom Hyland - 6/27/08



Re: My “Common Sense” Article:

6/27/2008 - Review From: Mr. Ed

Don’t you fret, my friend. Our extremely sage ‘leaders’ already have a marvelous new oil plan all cooked up and ready to go – they’re really gonna show ‘em, this time!

They’re gonna authorize drilling every inch of our own coastlines, and we’re gonna pump up some more of that great old black gold for ourselves. And if the oil gods are on our side, we should be able to milk about 3-5 years’ worth, and if we’re really lucky, this will knock the price of gas down a penny or two a gallon, and American citizens will simply rejoice at this remarkable achievement, and they won’t even mind one bit the 50 – 100 million dollar salaries the oil company execs will continue to enjoy.

And based on the new ‘feel good’ citizen attitude in the good old U.S. of A., good old Detroit will once again start cranking out even bigger gas guzzlers than we had before, (at much higher prices, of course), and we’re all gonna be so damned happy again, toolin around town showing them off to our neighbors, and bragging about our American ingenuity.

But alas, about 10 years from now, after we’ve trashed our own once beautiful coastlines, killed off everything that once swam or flew off our shores, and depleted the very last drop of our own oil, we will once again be on our knees begging OPEC to give us a good deal on their oil, or to give us any deal at all, so we can still crawl to work in our gas guzzlers.

Yes Sir, we’re really gonna show ‘em, this time. Our ‘leaders’ are really gonna save the day, this time!

Who needs electric and hydrogen driven and solar vehicles like most other countries will have mass produced by then – certainly not us. We love OIL; it’s the good old American way. To hell with them new Japanese Water Cars – who needs ‘em – our ‘leaders’ got a plan!

And to answer your question: Can Common Sense Overcome Greed and Stupidity? Sadly, NO – at least not in the good old oil loving U.S. of A.

==============================================================

6/27/08 TKH reply:

WOW - ED - WOW! That is the absolutely longest review, response, or reply - not only from you; but from anyone I ever received!

Methinks I ‘hit a nerve’? Your sarcasm and extremely bitter bitterness towards our illustrious ‘leaders’ certainly eludes any understanding on my part.

I could never possibly write such a scathing diatribe aimed towards those whose extreme humanity and deep understanding of the human psyche, not to mention the protection of animals and the environment, as well as their masterful wisdom of handling financial matters, has been displayed so poignantly for nigh onto 50 years now!

WOW! Check out THAT ‘run-on’ sentence - over 50 words! Ain’t it a BEAUT?

Let us now pause for just a few mere minutes to examine their fortuitous wisdom, exemplified by such beneficial: acts, decrees, warrants, decisions, and eventual over-all long-term Plans!

A. The Legislative Branch colludes with the Executive Branch - Usually working extremely well together, in Bi-Partisan covert meetings behind ‘closed doors’ in order to effect really mutually beneficial financial ‘game plans’ which promote the exclusivity and perpetuity of their own private agendas - and at the same time, also formulate the ‘cover story’ a camouflaged covert conspiratorial ‘semi-quasi-faux pas’ little white lie, which will be released upon the masses, thereby soothing the troubled minds of the normally complacent, and somewhat reticent ‘pea brained’ sheep.

WOW! Don’t THAT beat all? I ain’t even counting all of the words in that there paragraph of superfluity!

Anyways, suffice it to say that - THEY allowed, formulated, planned, activated, organized, and controlled the Establishment of the OIL BARONS, and the American OIL EMPIRE - no small task! Oil wells, derricks, platforms, drilling rights, methods of production, factories for refining, OIL DEPLETION TAX ALLOWANCES, and even the development and implementation of scientific exploration, engineering, and mass production of a chemically formulated By-Products Market, known as - Plastics!

Another Coup De Grace, carried out with such finesse and grace as to make the ancient alchemists seem like ‘chopped liver!’

B. Now, as this gargantuan Empire was growing by leaps and bounds, and spreading like ‘wildfire’ across both our nation, as well as the Globe, two more strategic components needed to be added - both the Automobile Manufacturing Industry, and the Third Branch of government, the Judiciary!

Someone just HAD to be able to produce cars that were: faster, sleeker, less efficient ‘gas guzzlers’ - that would USE UP all that oil, and produce higher, more exorbitant PROFITS for all corporations concerned and involved, right? To cite just a couple of examples of these modern ‘Wonders’ consider: the EDSEL - the TURNER - and the most recent Over-priced Mammoth vehicle that could be SOLD directly to the Military, to help deplete any possible SURPLUS money that might be sitting in our tax COFFERS - THEY gave us none other than, the HUMMER! How Magnanimous!

Now, somewhere along the line, THEY got even smarter, and were wise enough to anticipate the possibility of future, accidental OIL SPILLS! You know, like EXXON’s VALDEZ in ALASKA - having a few sympathetic cohorts sitting on the bench of The SUPREME COURT, as Chief Justices, certainly couldn’t hurt, right? Especially when they could adjudicate a MASSIVE CLAIM for Punitive Damages, of 2.5 BILLION DOLLARS - that’s 2,500,000,000 - and then, as the piece de resistance, let it somehow remain UNPAID for over TWENTY YEARS - can you imagine what the COMPOUNDED INTEREST on such a sum might be?

And now, just DAYS ago, ONE JUDGE has the authority to REDUCE said DAMAGES by 1.5 BILLION DOLLARS - that’s 1,500,000,000 - thereby granting to Farmers, Individuals (at least those that might still be ALIVE), and Businesses in Alaska that SUFFERED - a mere crumby sum of a paltry .5 BILLION DOLLARS - that’s 500,000,000 - only FIVE HUNDRED MILLION!

Somebody at EXXON, as well as all of their: stinking filthy rich cohort Stockholders, are probably still raising their glasses, giving TOASTS, and celebrating with a real JUBILEE!

C. Finally, let us see if we can simply take an Inventory of the accomplishments of those astute ‘leaders’ which MR. ED so callously and profusely maligned:

1. Managed to COMBINE the united efforts of the Three Separate and Distinct Branches of Government, into ONE HUGE CO-HESIVE FORCE that is one to be reckoned with! If our Founding Fathers were alive, they would be running around, harum-scarum, and then committing ‘Harry-Carry’ and swallowing that SUICIDE PILL, that Officers and SPIES are supposed to take, instead of divulging any SECRETS!

2. Established the CORPORATION - as the All-Powerful, Legal Entity, which ultimately PROTECTS the guilty individual Perpetrators from justifiable Punishment, as well as allowing IT to continue itself in Perpetuity, and ultimately RULE THE PLANET!

Face it, Pilgrims - the LAWYERS, ATTORNIES, SOLICITORS, the so-called DEFENDERS of: Justice, Freedom, Truth, The American Way - THEY CONTROL ALL! THE LAW!

And the penultimate Coup d’Etat is that they somehow placed themselves - ABOVE THE LAW! SHEER GENIOUS!

3. What Else, pray tell, did THEY do?

KILLED GOD -

CHEWED THE CONSTITUTION UP INTO TEENSY-WEENSY PIECES -

DESTROYED THE BILL OF RIGHTS -

TERMINATED HABEAS CORPUS -

INVADED ALL OF OUR PRIVACIES -

TURNED DEMOCRACY INTO DESPOTISM -

RUINED AMERICA’S REPUTATION FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE, ACROSS THE GLOBE -

WENT TO BED WITH: THE ARABS - THE JAPANESE - THE ISRAELIS - THE CHINESE - AS WELL AS VARIOUS AND SUNDRY THIRD-WORLD TYRANTS -

DESTROYED OUR ENVIRONMENT - GLOBAL WARMING - EXTINCTION OF THOUSANDS OF SPECIES OF ANIMALS, BIRDS, MAMMALS, FISH -

AND HUMANITY IS NEXT!

PURPOSELY FAILED: -

THE WAR ON DRUGS - THE WAR ON CRIME - THE WAR ON POVERTY - THE WAR ON AIDS - THE WAR ON CANCER - THE WAR ON ALZHEIMER’S - THE WAR ON ALL DISEASES - THE WAR ON HOMELESSNESS - THE WAR ON TERRORISM - THE SUPPORT OF OUR RETURNING HEROES AND VETERANS -

What astounding achievements these ‘leaders’ have promulgated! Need I say any more?

MR. ED - after further consideration, pondering, and recollection -

I STAND WITH YOU - UNITED AS BROTHERS!

SIDE-BY-SIDE - SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER -
AS WE GO TO THE FORE -

AND - I AM CERTAIN OF ONE SOLITARY FACT -

NEITHER OF US WILL CHOOSE TO BE BLINDFOLDED,
WHEN THE GREEDY RAT-BASTARDS PULL THE TRIGGER!


Peace - Mon Ami - Peace!

© - Tom Hyland - 6/27/08

===============================


Late last Night, on 6/26/08 -


NEWS . 11:00 --

Well folks, here we are - at the Gate of the White House - it has been a long, hot day down here in D.C. - and we almost reached our goal - THE MILLION MAN MARCH!

999,999 concerned citizens have marched here, but ALAS - we need only ONE MORE - it is technically THE ELEVENTH HOUR - and we can't reach our Hero, PEE WEE KOSTRO -

NO CELL PHONE - OUT IN THE BOONDOCKS - the one and only HOMING PIGEON we had was sent out 7 days ago, and never returned.

Oh well, we tried - time to get our FAT LAZY ASSES back to APATHY-LAND ...

NO - NO - WAIT --- WHAT'S THAT UP IN THE SKY?
IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE?

NO -NO - IT'S OUR OWN LIL PISSY-ANT PEE WEE - IN HIS SELF-INVENTED, BATTERY-OPERATED ONE-MAN HELICOPTER --- HERE HE COMES --- IN FOR A LANDING ---

OOPS! OH, SHIT .... THE MOTOR CONKED OUT ---

HE JUMPED ---- HE'S FREE-FALLING .... OH, NO - NO ...

HIS PARACHUTE DIDN'T OPEN! SHIT-SHIT-SHIT ....

WAIT - HE IS FLAPPING HIS ARMS LIKE A POLISH PEACOCK .....

FALLING, FALLING, FALLING ---- OH MY GAWD ....

HE'S TAKING OFF HIS PANTS - TYING THE PANT-LEGS IN KNOTS ---

POOF! AN INSTANT HOME-MADE TEENSY PARACHUTE, JUST LIKE WE WERE TAUGHT FOR LIFE-SAVING IN SWIMMING LESSONS IN THE BOY SCOUTS ....

S-P-L-A-T ...... A TREE JUST ATE HIM !!!

and how he loved those trees so!

GEE WILLICKERS! JIMINY CRICKET ---

PEE WEE, PEE WEE ... YOU MADE IT!

ANY LAST WORDS? .............................

ANYBODY KNOW CPR ???

© - TKH

===============================







 

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Reviewed by Lois Christensen 6/27/2008
Oh my, such a cute little fellow appearing first of all for me to view. Our pampering those foreign country to no avail is terrible and challenging for us, moneywise we are losing. Peace, wherever can it be, and when is it coming. It is coming when the good Lord decides he wants it to be.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 6/27/2008
AND - I AM CERTAIN OF ONE SOLITARY FACT -

NEITHER OF US WILL CHOOSE TO BE BLINDFOLDED,
WHEN THE GREEDY RAT-BASTARDS PULL THE TRIGGER!

Hell No, but I will insist on one last cigarette, which I will blow in their faces, and one last glass of Polish vodka.

PS My solar powered helicopter is almost ready, but don't tell anyone. I'll start getting death threats - from you know who.

PPS Homing Pigeons are already extinct - we killed them off many years ago. You'll have to use an ordinary, everday pigeon to find me in the woods - at my secret Solar Heli Underground Compound.

Over and Out.


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Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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