Aug.16.08

5:14 P.M PST

It's amazing how having someone who will listen to you, who will encourage you, who treats you as if you were her own daughter does for your spirits, not to mention actually getting a little sun on your face, well okay alot of fun this is California LOL!

Louisa held me earlier as I cried, I just felt pushed to the edge, and I guess I needed to cry, I needed to stop holding it all in, because I do feel much better now, and I am grateful for that, I understand now that these emotions are normal that grieving is just a normal part of loosing something.

I got into the pool today, not confident enough to try swimming so I just hung on the edge of the pool but it felt good to be out of the chair and in the water, not to mention  the water itself felt good as the sun was beating down on us, it's been hot here in Cali.

Joshua and I just got back from a "walk" it felt good to be out, to realize that some of the little things I can still do, even if its from this chair, I am getting faster and stronger too, the physical therapy has been helping, Joshua asked me again if I would marry him, I told him about what happened and he just smiled and said, "Do you think something like that is going to stop me from loving you?"   As we got to the park, I found myself parked next to the bench as he got on one knee and gave me a ring, how could I say no to that?  I am now wearing his ring on my finger and feeling great about it, I think this is the best I have felt since before the accident, and he is showing me that my legs do not matter, that I do.

Everyone seems to be happy for me, Louisa told me she would be involved in the wedding as if she were my Mother, my parents want nothing to do with me so I welcome that.  And Sandie looked at me and said It's about time you said yes." LOL"

I told Joshua I am still going to have moments when I feel the weight of this all is weighing me down and he said he would be holding me up through those moments, how could I have waited so long to say yes to that?

After Joshua and I got back, he had to leave to get ready for church tomorrow, he works with the youth and had to make sure everything was ready, I rested for a bit then Rebekka Rachel and I went to the store, we have a market about half a block from where we live, and I made it, Rebekka Rachel walks well for having two prosthetics, but I still ended up moving faster than she was which was certainly a change of pace for me LOL, she and I talked though and she told me that I could still be active, and she told me about the special racing chairs, and now I find myself once again thinking about feeling the wind in my hair, I know it will take a lot of work and I have a long way to go, but it gives me a goal to shoot for.

It's amazing  how much better I feel now, amazing the things the Lord has done in my life, amazing the joy I feel, I feel three hundered percent better than I did last night, and suddenly the smaller things dont seem to matter much as Rebekka Rachel said "Accidents happen." and boy do I know that from experience, I am just glad I am still here.

Well I have some calls to make, first to Natalie to see if everything is okay, then I need to tell my friends I finally said yes.

God Bless

Kailyn~