I wake up every morning remembering two things, what happened to Anna andwhat happened to me. What happened to Anna overpowers what happened to me. I candeal with the pain, Anna can’t It is only knowing that and by the Grace of God that Icontinue to fight .
I will not end this fight until the Lord tells me it is time to. I truly believe this isa calling from God.
It is not about an eye for an eye. It’s about giving back childhood to thechildren. I don’t want to see anyone else have that stripped away from them.
Anna walks along so lost and so sad. What can I do to help my sister? I have todo something, I pray of course, but I also fight for the children. That is for Anna.
Maybe if Anna hadn’t been raped, she wouldn’t be walking the streets, selling herbody. Maybe she would feel better about herself, maybe she would be in church with us,instead of selling her body, to men who could care less whether she lived or died.
I guess I could wonder a thousand times, but that doesn’t change the fact thatAnna was hurt, hurt in the worst way.
I just can’t help but feel guilty over what happened to her. I still ask myself What If?
I guess in a way working to help the children, allows me to put the fact that I have been shot and paralyzed in the back of my mind for a short time.
Deep down I know she knows that but Anna needs some reminding, so that iswhat Sophia and I are doing, we are reminding her how much Christ loves her. It’s animportant reminder that is crucial. We need to do all we can for Anna. I am afraid thatall we can is not enough though.
I guess what they say is true we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to behelped.
“ We love you Anna, I hope you know that.”
“ I don’t think I deserve to be loved.”
“ Anna you deserve to be loved, we are your sisters and there is no condition onour love, we do not love you only when things are right?”
“ Why is it you are trying to comfort me? You were the one who was shot, andyou are still trying to fix me. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
“ I don’t think we need to focus on should or shouldn’t in this case. I will just dowhat I feel like I need to do, what I am called to do.’
“ Don’t you give yourself a break?”
“ Anna you should know me well enough by now to answer that.”
“ I am going to keep praying and fighting for you, and someday I believe you willcome back to God.”
“ God doesn’t want me back? I am too dirty.”
“ Anna you know as well as I do, what happened to you before was not your fault,and what’s happened since can be forgiven.”
The talks end sooner than I want them too. At least now she is letting me talkthough. For the longest time it was like Anna ignored the existence of Sophia and I. Nowat least she lets me talk and listens to me.
I think one thing that this shooting did, is that it drew us closer asa family. My sister is slowly coming back to me, and maybe someday soon I will be ableto lead her to the Lord. The thought is comforting..
I talk to Anna in anyway I can, and I try to help her, but there are some things Ican not do. I can not take the pain my sisters feels away, nor can I take the fact that shewas raped away. I wish I could, but I can not, believe me if I could do anything to changethose facts I would, but I can’t so I do all I can to try and stop others from hurting children.