Tom Hyland, click here
to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.
MORE TALL TALES -
BUT TOLD TRUTHFULLY -
BY ME = TOM.
OH - almost forgot ...
the PIC above is MATLACK hugging PEE-WEE -
in a RARE BROTHERLY MOMENT!
AIN'T THEY CUTE ???
T T T T T - 15
© - Tom Hyland - 01-01-09 to 01-07-09
RE: My - T T T T T - 14 -
MOLLY - thank you.
Did anything therein cause you to go read the other author's piece?
If not, then I failed. Tom.
Posted by m j hollingshead (author) at 1/2/2009 2:27:25 PM
Hi Tom Hyland:
it did and i did Reply to m j hollingshead
Posted by Tom Hyland (author) at 1/3/2009 10:47:32 AM
Hi m j hollingshead:
GOOD ON YOU GIRL!
THEN I AM A SUCCESS! TK.
RE: Matlack’s - Cold Feet -
ED - WHAT EWE OTTA DO --
dig a trench, bury a long extension cord in it, and run it to yer next door neighbor's digs.
go to home depot & buy several electric heaters and get WARM -
LATER, after they trace the line & catch yew, and put yer sad arse in JAIL - it will be WARMER there - AND - free FOOD!
NOW, is that a PLAN, or what?
P.S. - DON'T DROP THE SOAP!!!
RE: Karla Dorman’s - Censorship -
KARLA - WOW!
SUPERB! SUCCINCT! SPECIAL!
BIRTH - BREATH - BEAUTY!
I LOVE IT !!! Tom.
RE: Ted Glines Blog - God vs. Ideologies -
TED - LOVE IT! I BUY THE WHOLE NINE YARDS!
To paraphrase --->
"An IDIOT and his IDEOLOGIES are soon PARTED!"
RE: my - Fun With ‘C’ -
whew...I CAN...I CAN YOU DIG IT?
Well thank you, Ma'am!
A DIG in TIME saves NINE!
Truly amazing how both Cannabis and Cantankerous are associated with Matlack!
I knew YOU would notice!
But did you miss the REDEEMING MERIT part?
The Canonization? It BEGS the Question -
just HOW does a Jersey DEVIL make it to SAINT?
Flying Fox Ted Glines MSW
I can dig it - I can dig it - I can dig it - I can dig it - Remind ya of a very old rock song? Ha! My first experience with a canape was at a banquet where a plate of them was brought out ... and I ate them! I weathered the frowns with a pleased stomach :-)
Unsure, but I think the lyrics were: "I can Dig it, You can Dig it, We can Dig it, They can Dig it ..." ???
Canapes - yes - Can O' Peas ... always Better than a Can O' Stringbeans!
This is a refreshing and enjoyable poem to read. I like the way you write in this poem. take care
Thank you young man - glad you enjoyed.
The Wacky Wordsmith
Great stuff as ever.
Thank you - coming from a WACKY WORDSMITH -
I am honored!
RE: Matlack’s - Institutionalized -
ED - HAPPY RETIREMENT!
The pic looks like a place that used to be down here -
SPRING GROVE MENTAL HOSPITAL !
When BUBBA escorts you to THERAPY, make sure you tell the technician to PUMP UP THE VOLUME - this will help to ZAP the myriads of BATS in your BELLFRY!
Also, when you play the game - DROP THE SOAP - Bubba will help you to lose your BELLICOSE attitude - this exercise will also help with improving the VARICOSE veins in your skinny legs -
after about 10-12 months of this 'THERAPY' - you will eventually come out of your COMATOSE state -
OH - almost forgot - they have but one movie that is shown 3 times each day - TWO FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO NEST - with Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise - you will learn to LOVE IT!
Then, after all this high-tech 'treatment' - you will be released upon society - a NEW MAN -
HUMBLE - HUNGRY - HUNG OVER - and HUNG...
HAPPIER THAN A PIG IN WHATACALLIT!
P.S. - while in there, never ever mention DR. NO - or DR. WHO - or DR. ZHIVAGO -
they all lost their licenses, and aren't real happy about -PRACTICING there!
P.S. 2 - IVORY SOAP IS 99 and 44/100ths percent PURE!
And IT FLOATS!
See you on Visiting Day -
Hey, Hey, Ho-Ho, Hey, Hey -
They're coming to take me AWAY!
RE: Mr. ED’s - Words Frozen in Time -
PEEWEE - Well, Pardner - you can keep all that COLD
and enjoy it -
I prefer Spring and Fall - you can have the other two extremes!
Somehow the WORDS seem to FLOW better also! TK>
RE: Matlack’s - Humor’s Fine Line -
ED - LOVE THE 'SELF PORTRAIT' ABOVE!
YEAH - BUTANE CAN DO THAT! AND ALSO MAKE YOU ARCANE!
ALONG WITH HUMOR - WIT AND SATIRE SOMETIMES HELP ALSO!
FINGER-PAINTING MAY RELIEVE YOUR BANE!
LATER - GATOR ... TK.
RE: My Comment (SPRING GROVE MENTAL HOSPITAL) to Matlack & his Reply to me -
by Ed Matlack (author) at 1/6/2009 7:37:40 AM
I would think you wouldnt know what it looked like from the outside as you were so long on the inside...lol, Ed
Hi Ed Matlack:
how Else would I know such intricate details?
but - just see how much more GOODER it made me!
now - I am able to SHARE with less fortunate persons, such as Yourself!
EMBRACE your insanity -
wear it like a Noble RED BADGE of Courage -
take two Ass-burns and call me in the morning!
my BILL for this medical/physical/Psycho ADVICE will be in the male shortly - just like your CZECH will be in the MALE also -
or maybe it will be a SLOVAK?
Either way - never, never EVER -
let the tremans traviss the tribbins!
Pax Domine Sit Semper Probiscum! TK.
RE: my - Fun With ‘C’ -
It's amazing how your mind works, it's always fascinating to see what you will come up with next :) Michelle
Thank you, Dear!
A Skinny Mind is a terrible thing to WAIST!
:) :) :) ... TK.
RE: Malcolm Watts Article - Why I don’t think God exists -
MAL - certainly a thought-provoking write -
just like the other concepts of an after-life - Heaven or Hell - no one has come back yet to inform us - doubt anyone ever will!
Yet, man has always pursued his ego-centric desire to explain his own existence and purpose. While the concept of a God may be regarded by some as 'erroneous' - said concept does in fact, fulfill a purpose - CERTIFYING MAN'S EGOMANIA!
IF man was supposedly created in the IMAGE of God, then it follows that each of us, as individuals can then CLAIM to be god-like. What could possibly be more powerful?
I do wholeheartedly concur that - religion - in all its forms has been both erroneous, as well as DESTRUCTIVE! If each individual human being could learn to walk upright on his/her own two feet, and dis-continue being BLIND SHEEP, then we might have a chance at achieving world Peace.
In the meantime, the venom and hatred generated by the concept - OURS IS RIGHT, YOURS IS WRONG - will continue to separate us all. And SADLY - in the NAME OF GOD! That is certainly sacrilegious, is it not?
Suggested reading - an old paperback, entitled "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People." A young Rabbi wrote this, after suffering the loss of a young son. While I found it an enjoyable read, I did not BUY his answer - that God existed, but was NOT OMNI-PRESENT - ergo, Chaos or Random Events were not preventable.
Peace, my Friend - Peace! Tom.
by Malcolm Watts (author) at 1/6/2009 12:15:04 PM
Yes, I agree with your points. We are Gods in that sense - we are the eyes, ears and mind of the universe - we and any other sentient beings living so far away we will likely never know of them. I have read Rabbi Kushner's book. Very interesting read - we must remember he was wrestling with how to maintain faith in Yahweh when Yahweh failed to prevent six million jews going to the gas chambers. Peace. Malcolm
Hi Malcolm Watts:
Thanks for reply - I read it so long ago, had forgotten about the Holocaust part.
Have not seen the re-make yet of "The Day The Earth Stood Still' - but do remember the original with Michael Renie. While some of the special effects , like the big robot, were certainly lacking, the story itself brought home the point we were discussing.
IF any sentient beings are ever coming - I should hope it would be NOW - in our lifetimes! THAT is probably more PROBABLE than any intervention by any Creator!
Pax Tecum ... Tom.
RE: Malcolm Watts Post - Remember The Ballad of Irving? -
MAL - THANK YOU! Don't remember this tune, being a GOY - somehow I missed it - but sure enjoyed this presentation!
The tumbling Tumbleweed in the beginning brings back shades of the Riders of the Purple Sage - Gene Autry and Champion - Roy Rogers and Trigger and Bullet - Dale Evans and Buttercup - George ‘Gabby’ Hayes , and Pat Buttram - DAISY Air Rifles - RED RIDER and the little Injun Boy sidekick with the big BELLY!
AAAAAH - the good ole days!
and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, with Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Lee Marvin ...
and the Caricature - make that beard RED - and you got Yosemite Sam -
a ROOTIN' TOOTIN' SON-OF-A-GUN FROM ARIZONA - RAG-TIME COWBOY!
yer darned tootin' !!!
FUN - Tom.
RE: My - AGE -
Enjoyed your comical look at age and aging. I know what you mean about the trapped teenager--I'm the same (teen) age as you, and well acquainted with the aches and pains!
Don't despair, God has plans and a purpose for you and me. I want to be on duty, ready for His directions all the time. Even in old age, said the Psalmist, He is with me. SURE!
CONNIE - AMEN, GIRL - AMEN!
Good top part. Did not spend much time on bottom one. Was too confounded by the top part. Yes, we are lucky to be here each day and I am fortunate too that I woke up alive again and don't I know it. Your writes are good though throughout the year.
LOIS - thank you!
how YOU doin'? long time no 'talk' ...
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
Happy Birthday, Tom. I'm 49. :D Body's convinced it's 112. LOL Enjoy your day, and I loved what you said at the beginning of your write:
"Thank you, Lord, for one more beautiful, wonderful day!" AMEN!!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
KARLA - thank you, Darlin'!
ain't it the trufe?
Who are you again & I am only 54, but then again I am not shore, you're only as old as you look, and brother when i saw you last summer, well, I can't go on or I might lose what few teefies I got left...;-) Ed
JOISEY - don't worry NUN 'bout yer teefies -
it's yore EYES wot's real BAD!
Handsome Harry Tom!
RE: My - Holiday Blahs -
i do assure you the people who live in my apt high rise have the holiday blahs, I could not even cheer them up. Upon trying I was told they weren't in the mood. I guess not families to care for them like I do. I went to church Christmas Eve enjoyed it as always, stayed over at Kris,. Now today a man here told me he could ot stand me. A black blind man whom I thought to be a friend. Did that ever hurt. I'll just ignore him now, I was only trying to give him some NY hope and cheer. People don't appreciate you som how and try to put you down here for some reason. It hurt, yea it sure did hurt.
LOIS - POOP ON HIM!
Remember what Jack Canfield has said:
"No matter what you say or do to me -
I'm still a worthwhile person!"
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY CHANNUKAH! HAPPY KWANZA!
DON'T SHOOT TIL YOU SEE THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES!
OOPS! that's another story!
:) :) :) Tom.
RE: My - AGE -
HELL - IT’S JUST A NUMBER - RIGHT?
I think I'm just gonna quit counting, and keep living!
Now, if the COUNT didn't count, he would not be a Happy Counter, would he?
ONE - TWO - THREE ... :) :) :) and ...
his Vampire Fangs might shrivel up too!
m j hollingshead
Thank you, Dear! TK.
Flying Fox Ted Glines MSW
Yup, and would you believe, some 68-year-old guy in Gaza City is waking up in a bomb crater saying "THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL DAY !!!"
Wendy will love this one, too, since you included "Bar/Bas Mitzvah".
Government actuarial tables say that folks born in 1940 were supposed to live to be 62. So I guess we died in 2002; dang, we missed our own funeral :-)
Bomb craters are nice - IF you survived!
WENDY? As in Peter Pan? Was HE (Mary Martin) Jewish?
1940 - yes, it was a VERY GOOD YEAR - you and I attest to that fact!
Actuarial Tables? Just WHAT would possess you to think that the GUVMINT could, or would, do anything RIGHT?
or ACTUAL? or FACTUAL?
or TRUTHFUL? or SENSIBLE?
or DONDER? or BLITZEN?
MISSED IT? DEATH?
HELL - maybe we DID die? Maybe we are in Heaven?
We're already in HELL, but didn't remember it 'cause we have "SOMETIMERS”!
TK . :) :) :)
Posted by Flying Fox Ted Glines MSW (author) at 1/7/2009 7:19:43 AM
Nope. Wendy is my sister, and she is Jewish (sorta). Jews have festivals all around the year. Some are feast days, and some are fast days. She celebrates the feasting ones! Smart girl. Actually, Wendy was my client on HaltAbuse.org, and somehow we decided to be siblings (!) and then we found out we have the same birthday (13 Dec), so that made us "twins" by golly. Gotta love the Web :-)
Hi Flying Fox Ted Glines MSW:
Siblings are good - Twins, more Gooder!
One Jewish - One Goy - a Mystery?
or just a Split Infinitive?
DEC. 13 - ERGO, I’m 110 Days Older, ERGO - More Senior!
PEACE - Tom.
So cool and love the humor too! Ah, what is AGE but a chronological number set down by who????
Be always safe,
Thank you, Ma'am! Yes, by WHOM indeed? TK.
If you stop and really think about it we're all still 12. Great write!
TWELVE - yep, that's a good number indeed.
Stay just UNDER that age of Confirmation - then, ANYTHING STILL GOES!
RE: Matlack’s - Watery Grave -
Reviewed by Tom Hyland
DREAM? OR NIGHTMARE?
1. IF DREAM - then the analysis results are in - YOU NEED A BATH !!!
2. IF NIGHTMARE - good news! it was NOT on ELM ST. ergo Freddie Kreuger is NOT after you!
remember that old adage about lemons n' lemonade?
well, you have plenty of H2O, so just add some flour and chicken broth
and make GRAVY !
IF you make it thick enuff - then can WALK on it, and get up to SUN/SON !
(((((((((( BEAR HUG )))))))))) ... TK.
THE TEMPORARY END !!!