"Andrea when are you going to see that I love you!" Damion said, over the phone. I had pushed him so much that he was afraid to get near to me. I could not understand why I was doing this to myself or to him. I loved Damion and he loved me, that hadn't changed, but I was to stubborn to see that he looked passed the chair.
"I know you love me Damion. I am just so scared."
"Scared of what Andrea, my love for you has not changed."
"You lost your ability to walk, that has not changed who you are. No more than you let it."
I could hear the frustration in Damion's voice. I could understand it because I was frustrated with myself.
By the time Damion and I hung up the phone, I found myself fighting back tears of frustration. I was doing this to myself.
Why was I doing this to myself?
I had to stop tormenting myself this way, I needed to accept Damions love for me. He loved me unconditionally, he did everything in his power to prove that. I could not push him to much farther though, or I would push him away.
Lord this accident changed so many things, it has me questioning things I never questioned before. Help me to figure out whatever it is I need to figure out.
Prayer did not come as easily as it once had. I was pushing myself so far away from the Lord. I was blaming him for the skiing accident, for the fact I could not walk. I was blaming him because I could not ski any longer.
I had to stop blaming.
To Be Continued~