A fantacized story. How come the story has no end!! Read it very interesting. You can't guess what it is, until it is revealed. You also can give your own ending. I wish you give your own thoughts to end the story in your comments.(Full of Grammatical mistakes. Consider only the theme. This is my first story).
" Snigdha ! Snigdha !", Rekha is calling.
"Where is this girl?" she is talking to herself.
Ramesh said, "she will come. why do you shout?"
"I can't bear with this girl. She is 24 years old. Still we have to take care of her. She doesn't give proper attention to herself .Always wastes time. Whenever you see her, she be in the other world. How many times we need to call !! She doesn't respond at all and says, "Did you call me? I never heard". Rekha is murmuring.
Rekha and Ramesh are wife and husband. They have two children. Snigdha is their daughter and Venu is their son. They pamper their children a lot. Home is a wonderful featherbed to both of them. Snigdha completed her Post Graduation and Venu, Graduation. Snigdha is interested in literature and Venu in cinemas(Dance, Music,Mimicry etc.,)
Rekha is calling Snigdha to take her dinner.
"Baby! Baby!" This is Ramesh who called for Snigdha this time.
"Coming!", she came, "Why did you people shout like that? I am coming, know?"
"What are you doing there?", Ramesh asked.
"I am thinking about a story which I got accidentally. I want to trace out the theme", snigdha replied.
"What is it? A story and the theme is not conveyed. It is not a story at all. Anyway first take your food and then do whatever you want",Ramesh said.
While taking food also she is thinking. Her brother is watching a movie in the TV. After taking the food she immediately ran to upstairs and opened the paper that contained the story and began to read again. This is the 15th time that she is reading it.
" Once in a town there lived a girl who is gifted with everything what one could ask for. She has good parents who literally do anything for her, good relatives who loves her, beauty, intelligence, innocence, friendliness etc.,etc., Moreover she got acquainted to God. God provided her whatever she wished. Days, months and years passed by.
One day she called God. God came.
She asked, "God! Give me that sweet". God replied, "It is not good for your health".
She said, "No God. I want it anyway".
God in a convincing tone said, "Dear child! you don't know it is poison with sugarcoating. So don't opt for it."
She replied, "God ! If I have to suffer and die, I will anyway. I have to eat onething or other to make my belly full. Why can't I eat out of my taste?"
God sighs, "Child! Think!"
Another day she called God. God came.
she: God ! Give me that lamp.
God: This is not a lighting lamp but a burning flame.
she: God! I want to decorate my room with that lamp. Please give it to me.
God: Don't you hear my words? Your room will be in flames but not be lightened as you suppose. You can never built anything out of those ruins.
she: God! If in my hands that accident is lined up,how can I escape? If you decide that only for me, I want to face the reality in this way.
God: My Dear child! Think again.
Some other day she called God. God came and asked, "Tell me, what is your wish today?"
she: God ! Let me own that place.
God: why did you want it?
she: I like that place a lot.
God: You haven't seen the world at all. There are a lot of beautiful places. Don't decide now itself.
she: God! No matter how many good places there may be, I am contended with this one. I never be tempted for anything else.
God: Dear child! What is the guarantee that the owner of that house is good? He may have the sale deed with many people. I don't guarantee you about the honesty of the owner.
she: God! I have to chose a place for myself. If in your Ordeal, I have to lose, I will anyway. So I want this place only.
God as usual sighed and said, "Child ! Think again. It is not as easy as you feel. You can never tolerate this."
One more day the same thing happened. She requested and god descended.
she: God! I want that Bindi and that Jewellery.
G: That Bindi will torment your face but not beautify you. That Jewellery glitters , it is not gold.
s: God! If my face is to be ugly, I had to accept it anyway. If it is not gold, then don't sanction me any gold at all. I am satisfied with what I have. If you want to give me jewellery, it should be this only. Otherwise, I don't want anything.
G: Your will and wish. But think carefully.
One day she is travelling. She looks ahead of the path. She has chosen one vehicle to proceed and asked god for it.
G: Your journey will not be happy. You have to face so many troubles.
s: If I am destined with obstacles, I will face them. Otherwise let me walk on my own. Don't ask me to board another vehicle.
G: Walking on foot isn't easy. You have to go a long way. Be prudent.
Some days passed by. God observed her. He stopped coming to her for HE know that she will insist for them only.
One day God Himself responded, "Dear child ! Ask me any other things".
she: No. I want them only.
She has been crying all the time praying God to grant her those wishes. Unable to see her pathetic condition, God one day came to her again. Moved by her mental state and physical condition, she took her into His lap and asked, "My Dear Child! All these years have I denied any of your wish?"
G: Then why can't you understand my refusal this time?
she: God ! I know. But I can't withstand anything other than this. Give me what I wish. Otherwise I be like this only. Contended with what I have.
G: No. It is ridiculous.
She: Then asking me like this is also ridiculous.
G: My child. It is not possible.
she: Nothing is impossible to you.
G: Child! That means you want me to make the Sun rise in the West and set in the East only for you?
she: I just want to put my planets in good place to wipe out the darkness and fear in me.
G: Child! Are you trying to be intelligent?
she: No. God. I never played tricks with you. If I am intelligent enough, I wouldn't have opted for these wishes. I am a fool. I am a mad girl.
She begins to weep uninterruptedly.
G: Then what is your final decision?
she: God. Forgive me. I can't change my mind. I know you will grant me what I wish in the form which I desired.
G: Are you challenging me?
she: I just challenge my destiny with the confidence I have on your mercy for your devotees. I can never be against you. I lie and bow at your Holy Feet.
By saying this, she touched His Feet and he vanished.
What happened to her and to her wishes? Whether she be granted with them?
The answer to this is not visible, for God has written in her life book with the ink of time."
This is the story written on the paper. It is just like Greek and Latin to her.Snigdha couldn't get even the idea about what they are discussing. She showed that paper to her parents, relatives and to friends also. Everybody couldn't guess anything and adviced her not to waste time in this useless matter.
Some days passed by. No use. No clue. One day she got an idea. Why I can't ask god Himself about this theme like the heroine of that story?
Immediately she went to the temple to pray to God. She wanted to test whether God gives reply or not. Whether it is true that people say that God answers to those who sincerely ask for His guidance. She prayed to God and sat there for sometime. Meanwhile she overheard the priest's conversation with an young girl.
The matter is she liked a boy whom her parents proposed . Everything is fine. Both sides agreed for the marriage. But suddenly they rejected the match. She very much likes the boy and her parents refuse. When she asked why, they replied that horoscopes do not match and that boy's chart signifies a very bad character. Not knowing what to do she came to the priest and enquired him about the matter. She brought both of their horoscopes to him.
Priest also emphasized the fact that her chart indicates troubles and turbulances in married life and his chart indicates a very bad character.
While they were talking, she started to home. Her thoughts suddenly diverted to this poor girl. what she should do now? She doesn't like to marry any other boy. If she marries him, she will be wounded deeply because she couldn't tolerate such a worst character that to of the person she loves the most. She can't remain unmarried because she will surely get married according to her chart. What she should do?
Thinking in this way, she reached home. Her mother said that Pinky rang for her. She dailed to Pinky to know the reason.
"Hello ! Pinky ! This is me Snigdha. "Mummy said that you called me. Why?"
"What about your story? Can you trace it. I tried my level best. But couldn't".
"No yaar. No way. But I will surely because I prayed to God today like that heroine. HE will surely give answer to me."
"Are you gone mad!", Pinky exclaimed.
"No. Ofcourse not. I am confident. Let us wait and see."
"Ok. Take care. Bye. If you get the answer, immediately ring to me".
She asked her mother, Coffee. She said, "Do you spoil other people also with your time wasting hobbies?"
"Stop Ma!". "What is this ?" she asked. "Coffee!" her mother replied.
"It is very dark. Please add milk." Rekha added milk and served it to her daughter.
"Mom!". "What again?"
"It is cold. Please warm it."
"I just can't bear with you". Scolding her, she warms the coffee and said, "If you want any changes, you do it yourself".
"No. This is very good. Thank you."
She went to upstairs and sipping the coffee, she began to read the story again. Suddenly an idea flashed her. The heroine of the story might also have the same condition like that of the girl who was talking to the priest. Ok. what about Sweet and all other wishes? Time passed.
She went to bed.She closed her eyes and devoted herself to imagine the conversation scene. Slowly she went into sleep.
Sweet are his(her lover's) words. God referred that the words are just sugar coating but not true . Lamp may be his looks. Those are not for her good. Truthfulness is lacking in those looks which pretend as if they are the personification of it and if she marries him, it will ruin her life.
Bindi means symbolism of marriage dot. Jewellery, his thoughts of love on her.(For her, his thoughts on her, his care and concern are the Jewellery).
God conveys again that she has to suffer a lot if she marries him and what all he said is not true . The path may be the future and vehicle may be his surname. Means she is pleading God to marry her to him. If not, she wants to remain alone.
Yes. She traced everything. He might have cheated her. His chart may also be not good. Next morning she rang to Pinky, "Pinky ! I got it. God answered me". She told everything. Pinky questioned, "Then what do you think that God will do?"
She exclaimed, "Who knows !! Written with the ink of time in the life's book. So we can't read it. Assume whatever we like".
( My conclusion to this is God will listen to her. Grants her this boon also making him good and bless them a happy marital life. If we sincerely wish anything and we deserve it, God will surely agree.)
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|Reviewed by BB
|munchi ga unadi|
|Reviewed by sriram
|Reviewed by chander keswani
you have tried best,its communication is good and is built skill fully,what is lacking is the harmony of the characters with the content.they have become little bit hyper,acting contrary to the requirement.Back ground & dialouges are wel absorbed,characters responds quickly to the situation,though that may be rated as agood story but strongly recommend you to write it again.See for any addition or contraction is needed.I think condensed form would be better to communicate & depict your idea & thought in a mannered form.... chander keswani
|Reviewed by SK Upadhyayula
This is an interesting story. I guess you can write this story very nicely if you attempt it in your mother tongue.
|Reviewed by Arun V
Its a real fact that "Man proposes and God disposes"
|Reviewed by kiron
i read ur story
comparision is good
what u miss is clarity
i think u willmaintain in in ur next story
this story is not having choice for clarity
ok the comparision for the tradition is nice
its something diffrent
keep it up
|Reviewed by Prashanth
|Awesome Story !! Great Imagination.
OK...now coming to the ending...Hmm...i would say if she really loves him..she would marry him & she will change him herself.GOd is great!! But you can't get anything in life if you don't workhard.
So thats the ending...Finally they r happy to-gether!!!
|Reviewed by sreeni
|Chala bagundi.keep it up.
|Reviewed by Roger Nelson
|Great imagination and storyline! The reader needs to get aquainted with the main characters; what and how they thing, re-act, etc.. Work on this during your re-write. Let us know when you have polished it up a bit. By the way, we do not need individual messages, one message to the roundtable will work. Keep at it.|
|Reviewed by Rao Varanasi
|an excellent indianised story.since this is the first attempt, you can try &try again.please take care of the direct and indirect speech.in my view , a story can be told in two ways, 1. a writer himself become a character (role)in the story. 2. a writer observes behind writes what he has assumed, imagined.any how congrats and many sucesses in future. pl. send it to some magazine. pl.reply.|
|Reviewed by Kumar Reddy
I think God will wait until she(child) get maturity and think about her wishes again. God accepted all her wishes until now but giving suggestions to her only on these things and saying that “whatever you are asking now, may not be good for your future.”
When god suggested thinking about them again means it. If the child asked the god to grant those wishes, and should be blessed by god so that those will not harmful to her and will help to build her future in a right path.
She might have asked for a sweet, that will not harm. God might have fulfilled that wish by giving other sweet(low-n-sweet). In girls case it might be a deferent person in to her life. If she can’t grow like a matured woman, she will remain as a Child only. Not even a girl.
“The Gods given gift to the human without asking is having wonderful life as a complete person”
When you are child play like a kid and don’t worry about future.
When you get capability of thinking about future, then start thinking about the future and build accordingly.
When you are matured enough to get married, then get married and have fun with your own children.
When your children are growing, guide them to build their future and help them in building their future.
This cycle of life will go on and on…
If that girl or few people want to stay alone, doesn’t stop this cycle to continue.
The girl and Child should rethink about what god is saying. By knowing that god is capable of doing everything and not grating only these wishes to the child is nothing but giving her a chance to rethink about her wishes.
|Reviewed by Peter Benson
|A good write with a great theme.|
|Reviewed by Claywoman
|This is an interesting story, yes it needs a lot of polishing, but the storyline is strong! It reminds me of the Rama stories. I can tell that English is not your first language so some of the context is skewed but the storyline does carry. You need to flesh out your characters so the reader can picture them in their minds. This take practice but you are on the road to discovery! If you want, you can e-mail me and maybe the two of us can iron out some of the bumpy places...
Again, good job!
|Reviewed by Masarat Daud
|We deserve what we have. If we're not content, let's work for something better. God never gives us everything in an obvious manner, He makes us take the most zig-zag n rocky way possible to realize many things in life.
Your story, as a first attempt is very good Prasanthi. Oh yes, grammatical errors exist but they can always be polished. You're on the right track gurl!