Something has taken a part of me and has shredded it to a lump of pulp. Yet, however, I cannot quite figure out what it is...The yearning is a mystery and perhaps all I know. These dark emotions take power of your life and drive you under to a point when you cannot take much more. The explosion rips through your chest, breathing becomes more difficult to process, maybe from the fact that you no longer want to breathe. Your heart feels only sadness and pain as if someone where squeezing it tightly while digging their fingernails into every artery and vein. To find that point when you scream, ENOUGH, unable to stop the unbearable pain.
You stop to find yourself completely under the control of your emotions. They cling to you like a spider's web, wrapping itself around your every thought and movement. Where lies the breaking point between our emotions and our control, where does that final piece happen, when we seem to say to ourselves, ‘this is it, I have had enough’? Life no longer seems worth living, and things that were once so special, have lost all cause, now seem lifeless.
The shinning light in your eye no longer brings a sparkle to your heart, the more on tries, the more pain one endures. The lesson of life; just how much can a person handle? How do we come to grips with ourselves to see beyond our bitterness, when the world contaminates us into believing lies about whom we should be and what we should not be?
This somehow reminds me of the play, ‘Royal Hunt of the Sun’, where Pizarro searches endlessly for answers, he wants to find the purpose of life; he seeks to find the answer to Time. He figures otherwise, life is pointless, he cannot bring himself to believe in anything around him, all the symbols of God have no meaning to him, he then finds himself trapped into thinking he has found the answer to Time itself, when he meets the sun God, Atahuallpa. Here he learns that this man has the power for resurrection and can bring himself back to life after death. Pizarro, completely fascinated is lead to believe the words of Atahuallpa, relieved he has found the answer he has been searching for all his life. This belief is then too thrown away and leaves Pizarro believing in nothing at all, when Atahuallpa is murdered and does not come back to life as he said he would. They say Pizarro died that night; he lost everything, all his faith and believes where thrust into what he believed now to be a lie.
For me, this story has a very powerful lesson a lesson that we may never really find the answers to life and all its mysteries, some die trying, others never take the time to try finding it a useless exercise.
So many people try to be like other people who they think are living a more fulfilling life than their own. They try to be someone else, searching desperately to find themselves. Now we know this makes sense when it is written, but when it comes to real life, this is perhaps more difficult to understand. That we as human beings want to be the perfect human being, and therefore create the perfect human being in our perception, being someone else. Then try desperately to be like this imagined person. When in actual fact, we as human beings are individuals, with different purposes, different ways of seeing and doing things, which makes us each unique and incredible in our own ways. People fail to see this when they compare themselves to others, they see: they look happy, look at how people admire them, why can I not be more like that?
It is a matter of fact, we are all different, each and every single one of us how our own special qualities. We are individuals who seek to be like other people, it is human nature to do this. We can only learn to accept ourselves, as one of the unique individuals that reside on planet earth, each and every one of us giving our input into life, no matter how big or small-it is your unique input. We may not be the president or the models we see in beauty magazines (airbrushed, done up with professional beauty therapists, make –up artists and hair stylists). We may not be the authors who has changed people’s lives so drastically and is now selling best sellers. We may not be the successful businessman who runs his own company in 50 different states. We may not be what we dreamed of when we were growing up, that ballet dancer, the musician, the pilot or even the fireman.
What we have to realize that we are who we are today is who we are, who we have been and who we will be. Change comes from within; the greatest challenge of all times is to challenge yourself to the task of “who am I?” You are everything in matter, all which exists, purely exists because you want it to exist. Everything you see or hear is part of what you want it to be, part of your perception of what lies within you. Simply put, everything is a mirror of who you want to be, what you want to do, what you want to see, and I could go on about what people want.
Let us stop here and ask ourselves, what are the mirrors trying to tell us? What are they trying to project onto us that show that some how a change is needed in ones life? (Or rather put in ones perception of reality and ones self.) What do we need to fill our lives or ourselves so that the mirrors reflect inner peace and tranquility? That the world resembles a part of you that is content.
Life is all about you, you are all about life. Life begins with you, you begin with life and hence, life ends with you, you end with life.