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Mary E. Coe

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Your Boyfriend Molested Me Mom but You Hurt Me More
By Mary E. Coe
Thursday, January 28, 2010

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Mary E. Coe
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Mom, I still love you and Iím not judging you, I just want some answers, I just want to hear your side of this story. I want to understand what made you lie and why did you make me lie?





After reading some of your very touching and heartfelt comments; I  fell the need to clarify.  This is a fact based story, it is a run off from "Mom, Your Boyfriend Molested Me."  However it is not my story.  A lot of times I write in the first person, especially in a child molestation case because I can feel the person's pain.  Thanks to all my readers for stopping by.

  

Mom, I was just a little girl, barely started fourth grade; I trusted your boyfriend because I loved and trusted in you.  He lived in the same house with us; we ate at the same dinner table.  You both said you loved me and I believed you and trusted you. 

 

Mom, did you sense something was wrong, like the way he looked at me; did any red lights go off to warn you that something was wrong?

 

He had just been released from prison.  However, you told me that he served his time and he was a good man and I had nothing to be afraid of; I believed you and trusted you, I knew you would never put me in harms way. 

 

But, you did. You were right there when he called me into the room; why did you smile and let me go in there alone? Why didn’t you check on me when he kept me in that room too long? 

 

Oh, yes, I remember, you said he told you, he was going to read me a bed time story. Some bed time story, mom! 

I tried so hard to free myself from him. 

 

Why didn’t you come to my rescue, didn’t you hear a scuffle or anything? I tried to scream out, but, he covered my mouth with his big, sweaty, hand.  Then he promised that if I screamed he would kill you and other members of my family that I loved.

 

I hated his monstrous breath breathing down my neck; I hated his big filthy hands all over my small body.  I hated the smell of his breath when he tried to kiss me.  I was going through a living hell. 

 

This was the darkest hour of my life; the worst thing that could have happened to me, so I thought, until I was free of him and ran out of that hell and told you.

 

Mom, the worst thing that ever happened to me, was when I told you and you didn’t believe or just didn’t want to believe.   I remember being so petrified, devastated and half out of my mind with fear, I remember crying and shaking as I stood before you. 

 

The darkest hour of my life was when you called me a liar.  The pain cut like a sharp sword when you said you didn’t believe me. 

 

I wanted you to hug me, to put your arms around me and comfort me, I wanted  to hear you say you loved me, I wanted you to protect me from that monster. 

 

Mom, you turned your back on me and stood by your man.  Mom, it hurt, you hurt me deeply.  I felt so alone and so afraid.  I needed you so badly, but, you stood by your man.

 

 

You didn’t even report the crime; my grandparents took it on themselves to report what that monster did to me. 

 

When the authorities told you that he couldn’t live in the same house with me, mom, again you stood by your man and you let me go. 

 

 

I will always appreciate the grandparents that raised me and loved me and helped me through the night mares.  But, I still missed you and that special mother’s love.  

 

You tried to turn me against the people that took me in and loved and cared for me.  You said they were bad people who just wanted to hurt you by taking me and my siblings away from you. 

 

 

You lied about what happened to me just so your boyfriend wouldn’t go to jail.  Worst of all, you made me lie about what happened to me.  You said if I told the truth that your boyfriend would go to jail, and you would be all alone and sad. 

 

Mom, you told me that you couldn’t live without him and if I put him in jail that you would commit suicide and go to heaven.  So, I lied, I didn’t want to lose my mother.   And it hurt that you would kill yourself over a man that molested your daughter.  You lied and you made me lie, so your friend didn’t pay for the awful crime against me.

 

 

My grandparents didn’t hate me for lying.  They understood that I was just a little girl that was molested by your boyfriend and manipulated by you.  They knew how much I loved you and didn’t want to hurt you. 

 

Despite my lies they still took me under their wings and loved me and took care of me.  I couldn’t have asked for better parents; they were great, but, they were my grandparents; they didn’t take the place of my real parents. 

 

My grandmother was so caring and loving, but, what I got from her; I wanted it from you. 

 

 

My dad was there for me and my siblings. He played with us and took us places.  He bought us toys and clothes.  Most important, he listened to me and he believed me and he understood why I lied to the authorities. 

 

He knew I loved you and didn’t want to see you die.  Even thought my dad and my grandparents said you wouldn’t really commit suicide, you said you would and you said my grandparents and my dad didn’t really care about you. 

 

I was only nine years old, and I didn’t want to be responsible for you dying, so I did it your way.  You said, not only would I lose you, but my siblings would grow up without a mother, so I lied.

 

My dad and my grandparents didn’t hate me for lying; they still loved me and took care of me and my siblings.

 

You hurt me again; mom, when I was ten years old and you told me that you were going to have his little babies.  I was hoping for the day when you would say, you were leaving him and taking me and my siblings back, so we could be a family again.  

 

Instead, you announced that you were having twins, his little babies.  You were slipping farther and farther away from me and all I could do was cry.

 

 

My little sisters are now teen agers and I am college age; we love each others even though I know their father molested me and they know that I accused him of molesting me.  We never talk about it, but, it is always there between us, however we don’t let it interfere with our relationship and our love for each others, all of my siblings and I love our sisters. 

 

They didn’t do anything wrong, they are innocent just like the rest of us kids.

You and my molester are no longer together. 

 

I still love you and forgive you; but, mom, you have never come forward and told me that you are sorry for what you did to me. You never said you are sorry for turning your back on me. 

 

I ask why?  Why did you believe him over me, your daughter?  Why didn’t you love me as much as you loved him?  

 

Why were you so content to sit back and let my grandparents raise me and my siblings while you went on with your life with the man who molested your child?   

 

 

Mom, I still love you and I’m not judging you, I just want some answers, I just want to hear your side of this story.  I want to understand what made you lie and why did you make me lie?  What makes a mother choose the molester over her child? How could a mother continue an intimate relationship with a man who molested her little girl?  Mom, I just need answers, I need to understand.

 

I don’t believe it will ever happen, but, it will bring some closure, if you would just say you are sorry and tell me your side of the story. Your boyfriend molested me, mom, but you hurt me more.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reviewed by Mary Lacey, Desertrat 7/25/2011
Mary,

Even if this wasn't your story, you can still feel the child's pain. It is so well written you feel like your listening to what the child is saying.

Mary Lacey
Reviewed by Ginger Laroy 8/14/2010
This story is so familiar I read them all the time. I even experienced molestation in my own family, but I didn't tell. I kept it a secret until the day he died.

I never felt free until the day he died. Only then did I feel that I could tell my story. This incident spawned my story, "Death of my Nemesis, My own nightmare."
Reviewed by Elizabeth Price 1/31/2010
Truly an outrage. Sickening. Excellent write. Liz
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/28/2010
Truly a tragic and painful account, Mary. Readers cannot help but be deeply moved. Thank you. Love and peace to you,

Regis
Reviewed by Mary Coe 1/28/2010
Thanks for your very touching and heartfelt comment. I read your poem "My Mom's Husband" So much hurt done to you and you came out on top with such a beautiful soul. Your poem has probally already helped so many.

This story that I wrote "Your Boyfriend Molested Me but You Hurt Me More" is based on a true story. I felt the person's pain because as a child I was attacked by a stranger, it was someone in my neighborhood, that I saw every day but I didn't actually know him. I was lucky, I fought myself free, he ran off because he was trying to attack me in a place where we could be seen. He was trying to pull me off some other place. I put up a big fight and got the chance to kick him where it hurt the most. When I was free; I ran not looking back.

The man disappeared from the neighborhood and left me with fears and nightmares for many years.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 1/28/2010
Mary this is indeed a heartbreaking story for any parent or grandparent to read, we should be always there to protect our children above and beyond our own needs. I hope you gave your mother a copy of this...
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Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G 1/28/2010
Mary! 1st. I want to say: "I" feel your pain!!! No! Realy I Do (we should talk by phone if you are still hurting IN THE CORE OF YOUR HEART! YOU wrote this "SAD" LIFE STORY WITH such Ease (I only saw 1 mistake in spelling, how did you Focus, I would have had tears streaming! Those tears never dry up! It was NOY FAIR how YOU/i were treated! I still can't believe how our own Mom would chose their Sweatheart over their own kids/Flesh and Blood (for me it was by MY BIRTH DAD from 5 yrs. Old and up to 16 Teen till I walked down to the Police Station 1 Wknd. My mom caught us on her Bed! I was so scared that I ran naked behind their closet door ( I can still feel what I fel liken a puppy with her tail betwEen her legs) I felt HE (MY DAD) was the DEVIL! And I wrote about him (it's so long if you want to raed it) it's called "My Mother's Husband" about #250 back in my Poems! It's a Poem and Mission Statement! I still rememeber My Father taking me out for Driving Test and I wasn't allowed to go home, unless I walked out to the back woods with him (his hand grasping mine tightly) yes! We were manipulated (unless you wrote of someone you knew) You have such a talent for writing so well! I mean that Mary! If you have a chance (read mine in my Poems) and you will see where I came from and why I write! My heart is still trusting and My father is still ALIVE (LIVES 20 MINT'S AWAY FROM ME/US) AD my Mom passed away from complications of Diabetes 2 yrs. Ago! My Father is.Southern! Was in the Navy! And in 2 Wars) He used his past as his excuse for his "Selfish Coniving Piggish Ways" Well... I Could go on, I've been thriugh a lot with thAt ashole! After School! During my Private (was suppose to bey Showers! Their Bed And my own when he would read to me (Yea right) My Mom was a Passive Woman and I NEVER WILL BE!!!! I learned and gained Strength! And learned Trust!
Hang In!
As you have!!!
Blessings of PEACE and HARMONY, SOULFUL_PurplePassionsSHEEoxxo
NAMASTE! I send you healing energy daily!!!

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