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Randy Stensaas

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Max and Me and A horse called H Bomb
By Randy Stensaas
Sunday, February 14, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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the horse that has bucked me off in an ant pile has a name, H Bomb. He is up to more of his tricks.

 

 
                 This horse was winning; it has run away with me, bucked me off in an ant pile resulting in dire consequence to me, not to be discussed here and bit me in the butt.  Things had to change or he was going to win. To look at him standing around half asleep you would never know the evil that lurked. 
                Every time we had to work cows I had plenty of horses to choose from and I did, but I also couldn’t let this old nag win so I would use him as often as I could. 
We were out moving cattle around one day and things had gone fairly well with him, not one event, not one time did he try to kill me. Over all it was a good day, in fact I decided that I was winning. Wrong.    
                We were headed back home after a long, long, long day in the saddle, you know one of those days that start before the sun is even a thought. Anyway we were finally finished and headed home when we came to the last hill before home. In fact you could see home from the hill. It was not too steep and it was really just a big hill of loose dirt, good thing.
Any way I was relaxed, mistake, and had just kicked him over the edge and we were about ten feet down from the top when he let out a big fart.  I don’t know what it is about this horse and farts but he is very fond of letting one go, especially when he is getting ready to try and do me in. Anyway he let a big ol’ fart that I know could have been heard in town and jumped straight up in the air and straight ahead about ten feet snapping my head back like it was on a hinge and came down with both front feet ramrod stiff in the dirt kicking his back legs straight up in the air. Me, when that happed I was history. I left that saddle like I had rockets in my pockets and landed face first in the dirt out in front of him and plowed the ground up for about five feet.  
When I opened my eyes I was looking over a pile of dirt pushed up by my nose. When I got my eyes to focus I was also looking at funny looking rock I had plowed up with my face, an arrowhead. The only one I had every found in my young uneventful life. That still didn’t excuse that brown nag.   
My ears were ringing also, no wait, it was laughter. Max and my mom were laughing themselves silly. My mom wasn’t even concerned if I was ok, she was more concerned that I couldn’t even ride an old nag of a horse; she carried on about what an embarrassment I was to the family, she was worse than Max.
I got up spitting out a mouth full of dirt a coughing and hacking like it was my last hour on earth. The way I felt with all that dirt in my mouth and up nose I was thinking it might be better if it was my last hour. I blew dirt out my nose for two days. That horse was going to pay.
As I stood there looking at him that was when I decided on the name for him. H Bomb. It fit him cause riding him was like sitting on a bomb, you never knew when it was going to blow up or how big the explosion was going to be.   I told Max, my ever faithful partner in crime, and my mother the name and they looked at him for a minute and agreed that the name fit. He was stuck with it. 
H Bomb was born.
I had been calling him names that you can’t repeat in public for so long it took awhile to remember to call him that.  
A few days later we had to go move cows again only this time they were across the river that ran through our place. It wasn’t no small river either; it was probable 100 to 150 feet across. It ran deep in lots of places but where we crossed it was about three feet as it ran over a rock base. 
Anyway, you guessed it I was on H Bomb again. Just something about that nag that kept drawing me back to him so I was on him for this gather. We all got to the river and everybody was crossing over but for some reason H Bomb kept refusing to cross. I finally got him going and we were headed across till we got right in the middle. There he stopped. He just refused to move another step no matter what I did. I kicked him, threatened to do him in, sell him for dog food it didn’t matter he just stood there.
All of a sudden he just fell over like he was dead. He never gave me no warning, never farted which is always a tell tale sign with him; nothing, just fell over like he died of a heart attack, I should be so lucky, with me on him. I mean he never laid down like most horses do to roll in the water, he just fell over. It happened so fast I couldn’t get out of the saddle. Right when he hit the water I managed to get my feet out of the stirrups but I was washed downstream about 100 feet before I could stop myself and get my feet under me.   
Now it was a good thing it was warm or would have been long day. When I looked up at H Bomb he was on his feet again and standing on the shore looking at me like ‘why you standing in the water stupid?’ I sloshed out of the river and up to him figuring I was going to have to run his butt down but he just stood there waiting. 
If I would have had a gun I would have made coyote bait out him right then, but I just climbed on board and shivering continued on my way. Took about an hour to dry out enough not to be shivering course Max had the gall to ask me why I fell out of the saddle crossing the river. 
He said he was embarrassed to say he knew me if I couldn’t ride any better than that. He went on and on like that for hours and I was about ready to let him have it when something amazing happened.
I think even H Bomb got tired of listening to Max ramble on cause we were standing resting for a minute when all of a sudden H Bomb turned with his butt toward Max, I tensed up cause I thought he was getting ready to fart and jump out from under me. He farted alright but it was just a little on the wet side and when I looked back there was Max sitting that nag he called a horse covered in horse crap. Guess all that green grass H Bomb had been eating finally worked its way through and it was all over Max. 
Now as many times as he had tried to do me in I had to admit I was feeling pretty good about H Bomb at that moment cause now it was my turn to have a good laugh thanks to H Bomb, in fact I just about fell out of the saddle I was laughing so hard. 
Max just sat there with a discussed look on his face trying to look dignified while covered in horse crap which just made it all the funnier to me. Kind of like the time Max was laughing at me when a red ant was biting the heck out of me and I was standing around with my pants down and my butt in the wind. I think we were close to even, but not quite.
We continued on our merry way moving cows, every time I would look at Max I would start laughing again. We were about finished and had to split up to make the last sweep, we said we would met up at the house and took off our own directions. 
I was riding along fat dumb and happy on H Bomb, a big mistake; guess I was still feeling good about him for what he did to Max.   We were about two miles from home and I was riding along like I said, fat dumb and happy, half asleep, when H Bomb jumped sideways unseating me. I hit the ground with a thump looking around like, ‘what happened?’  I am a little slow at times. 
When I looked up all I seen was the rear end of my horse with his tail straight up in the air and he was hightailing it for home as fast as he could go leaving me there with my butt on the ground and a long hike ahead of me. Twice in one day, this was getting too much even for somebody as slow as me.
I headed home and was cussing that horse every step of the way for about the first hundred steps. Then was cussing Max, just because it seemed the thing to do, cause you know he would have been laughing himself silly at me again. I was cussing my boots because contrary to a popular song that was on the radio; these boots were not made for walking and by the time I got home my feet were hurting everywhere.
 Of course the river was between me and home, so I was going to get wet again which did not improve my mood or my feet. Only good thing was I wasn’t going to need a bath for a couple of weeks at least.
When I walked in to the yard H Bomb was standing by the saddle shed just waiting for me like nothing happened. Max showed up about the same time I did, which didn’t help cause he could see I was wet again from the river and could see H Bomb standing about 100 feet from where I was. 
Being highly intelligent like he is he put two and two together, got three, and started laughing. I was just too pooped to care. I walked over and led H Bomb to the shed took the saddle off, whispered in his ear that there would be another day and to watch out at which point he just blew his nose in my face and took off at a high run for the pasture. 
One of these days………………..one of these days……………….POW.
 
-30-                       

 

 


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Reviewed by D. Kelly 2/23/2010
H-Bomb! Great name for that horse. I really enjoy your adventures with Max. H-Bomb is a great addition.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/15/2010
LOL Funny story, Randy; well done! This one had me smiling all the way through!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D




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