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Randy Stensaas

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Member Since: Nov, 2009

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A Day at Work
By Randy Stensaas
Saturday, May 08, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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A humorous day at work in my home town. We are laid back, way back.

 

                 Yawnnnnn, I’m awake, another good night’s sleep down and out. It is around six o’clock in the morning and my eyes just pop open. I have no control over them anymore, they just do their own thing and open. I look beside me in the bed, must have been a really good night because my eyes behold two twenty something’s, oh boy. Aw look they are twins, they move in sync with each other, no, wait, wait, focus….. focus….. focus. Aw shucks now my eyes are back in focus and it is just my fifty something wife, mumbling something about me being up early. Got to get those eyes checked.
                Stagger out of bed and take a shower, mamas’ boy is ready to face the world, or he will be as soon as he gets coffee. Head to the kitchen for coffee feels a little cool out here. Oops, probably should put some clothes on after the shower. Ok, now I am ready for coffee and the world. I go back to the bed room and give my beautiful wife a kiss and slap her on the behind as I run, key word here is run, out the door. Ain’t love grand?
                I go out to my high class crime fighting vehicle and climb in, batman getting in the bat mobile, no more like Scooby Doo getting into the Mystery machine. Aw, my high tech patrol vehicle, it has everything I need to fight crime, it plays music and has red and blue lights on it and a device that makes lots of noise when I push a button. It also has one of those new fangled gadgets,  GPS, which is attached to autopilot which is set to head straight to the coffee shop, what more do I need.
                “Dispatch, L1, I be like you know, in service.”
                “10-4 L1, another great day waiting us out there, coffee is on” was the reply, gotta love that place.
                The dispatch is as high tech as my patrol vehicle and it is staffed by the best, they always have coffee on and a chair to sit in or on, depends on the chair and if somebody was ambitious at home maybe donuts or something similar. The main thing is they have priorities straight, coffee first all other stuff second. 
                I make a couple of laps around town to make sure the bad guys have not hauled it off. Everything looks just like it did yesterday morning, except for the new road that appeared over night. I am looking ahead at the road and one goes to the right and the other to the left, I don’t remember that. Blink, blink, duh as I smack my hand on my forehead, of course I forgot to put my classes on, I keep them in the vehicle so I remember them.   I put them on and the two roads come together into one, whew was worried there for a minute, I really got to get them checked. 
                The GPS autopilot kicks in and takes me to the dispatch, “Dispatch, L1, I’m here for coffee.”
                “Gotcha covered L1, it is a brand new pot, lite and sit a spell”, really gotta love these guys.
                Got a nice little town here and as you are probably starting to figure out. We are laid back, way back. We make Mayberry look like crime ridden New York.   Why it was just last week we got our first telephone, was down at the bank, everybody in town was so excited they all turned out at the bank to look at it. Course when it started making ringing sounds nobody knew what to do. Ok, not quit that bad but you get the picture, we are laid back. 
Why the biggest crime wave we have had for a spell was when a bunch of renegade deer came to town and was eating everybody’s flowers at night. Thought I was going to have to get a posse together to work them over, that is till a black bear showed up, from who knows where, he mysteriously       appeared one night. Anyway he showed up and the deer took off, he just ambled around town a day or two, climbed a few trees and figured the town wasn’t worth his time and left, vanished in the night like he was never there, strange, weird. Kind of reminded me of Shane.  For those of you young pups out there Shane was a western book from the fifties and a movie from the early sixties.     
“So anything new since yesterday” I asked.
“Nope, the guys gave a couple of rides home from the bar, but that was it.”
Quite town or what?
Back on the road again, driving around seeing what I couldn’t see earlier because of lack of coffee in the system. Stop down at my office, check the reports from last night, make sure the office is semi clean, and go through all the mail on my desk, almost fall asleep doing that. Time for a nap, so kick back and put my feet up and snore away, tough job, but somebody has to do it. Short nap, time for lunch, head home and see what the fifty something wife has whipped up, knowing her it should be interesting. Hopefully it isn’t the whips and chains; I really have to get some work done today.
Hum hum, tummy is full, back on patrol again, “Dispatch, L1, I am back out fighting crime again.”
“Roger that L1, have a report of a speeder coming into town from the south.”
“Ok, I’ll head that way.”
Ok now I have my work set out for me, may have to do real work today, dang.   I am sitting on the edge of town where I have my high tech speed determining device, two white lines painted on the road, a stop watch and paper and pencil, all set up.   Here he comes like it was the India 500, I have my stop watch ready along with paper and pencil. Click click goes the stop watch, ok paper and pencil time, distance times time = X to the power of pie, hummm pie may have to see what they have at the café, oh back to figures, let see power of pie multiplied by X to the tenth power, I love math. I look up; the car is leaving the other side of town.
“Dispatch, L1, he done got away” I call in.
“Roger that L1 it happens. Coffee is on.” Boy I love that place. 
            I pulled out to drive around again, man two of everything this town is really growing, no wait, dang forgot my glasses again, I really have get them eyes checked out. 
The auto pilot kicks in again and no matter what I do it heads straight to the dispatch, pulling to a stop out front. “Dispatch, L1 out at your office again, the vehicle wouldn’t go anywhere else so here I am.”
“No problem just put on a fresh pot of coffee” they advise. That explains it; the car could smell the new coffee cooking. Good car.
“Have a football game tonight” the sheriff says, “You going?”
“Of course, must be our turn to kick Rock Rivers butt, ain’t it” I ask.
“Yep” he says, the sheriff is man of many words.
After some talk about guns and hunting and high school football the coffee pot is empty and time to move on. Head down to my office which is in city hall, I stop in and bless the office girls in city hall with my words of wisdom for the day. They don’t have any new news to share so I head to my office. Looks the same as when I left early.  
I walk down to Main Street and visit the business’s, run into Bob. Bob does odd jobs around town, spends lots of time in the bar. “Nice set of black eyes you got there Bob” I say.
“Yea, I tried to sneak into the house last night and the little woman was waiting. Don’t remember much after that” he says as he heads on down toward the bar. 
“You need a ride to someplace tonight, you let one of the guys know” I tell him. He waves and wanders on. Be better than him going home again, his little woman could hunt bears with a switch.
One of my guys shows up for the night shift, we BS for a few minutes, tell him I will be at the football game tonight if he needs anything and it had better not be anything less than death and destruction if he interrupts me at the game, otherwise he will be on cemetery patrol the rest of the month.
He smiles and says “yea right chief” slapping me on the shoulder as he goes by. Damn my shoulder is numb. George is into body building and he is build like a brick outhouse. I’m into body building too, but I’m build like an old broken down barn, barn needing repairs.
I park at my house and day is done, “dispatch L1, I am done for the day, see you at the game tonight.”
“L1 at home roger, yep we’ll be there” was the reply, gotta love those guys.
Walk in the house and there are two twenty something twins again, damn my lucky day or what. They both turn to look at me; there is something familiar looking about them. 
“Put your glasses on you old fart” they both say together.   Boy no respect, but I do what they say and when I look again there stays my fifty something wife, really got to get my eyes checked.
I’m home, day is done did, all over, kaput. Tomorrow will be another great day in the life of me.
               


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Reviewed by Donna Chandler 6/1/2010
I love your humor!! (and also need my coffee each morning) :)

Donna
Reviewed by TeeJay khan 5/10/2010
nice! so even at work you have nothing to do right
what a life.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 5/9/2010
Excellent tale, Randy; well done! Enjoyed~

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D




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