I woke up to the sound of crying and Star speaking in her native tongue, rarely did she do that. She always used English, proud that she had learned it so well, and with good reason. I was grateful for that small fact, which made it easier for me to speak with my Sister, the Sister God had blessed me with. I had always wanted a little sister, but I had never imagined I would have one like Star, with a past so dark it made her fearful to get close to anyone.
Lord forgive me for all the times I have complained for the little things. Star went through Hell as a mere child, and I complained because I couldn’t get a new cell phone when I wanted one forgive me.“Star it’s okay, your safe.” I said gently not wanting to frighten her by being to loud.
Star just looked over, and buried her head in her pillow. Trying to hide the tears. She felt ashamed of crying. After all she had been through she felt crying made her week. I felt bad for the Sister God had blessed me with.
I wanted to help my sister, but I could not stop the bad dreams from evading her sleep. The memories of what happened to her before. My heart broke just thinking about it.
I had been so blessed to live where I lived grow up where I had grown up.
“I’m sorry for waking you Hope. I am okay, you may go back to sleep.”
“You didn’t sound okay to me.”
“They are the monsters of my past, you do not need to be bothered with them.”
“Star you and I are sisters now, it’s not a bother, you are my family.”
“I am afraid of family my family hurt me.”
“Star, we love you, we would never hurt you.”
“I do not know what love is.”
That statement nearly broke my heart. A thirteen year old girl should never have to utter words like that. It truly broke my heart that she ever would. I may only be a few years older than her at seventeen but even I knew something was wrong with a young girl even feeling she had to say something like that.
Once again my heart broke for Star.
Lord how can anyone know such pain? She’s only thirteen Lord and her eyes are so full of hurt. She’s just a little girl really Lord, no one should have to endure the things she endured. Lord you alone can help her through this, help her see the evil that happened to her does not make her evil or bad.“I am sorry Star.”
“It is not your fault.”
“I want to help you Star. I want to be a good friend, a good sister to you.”
“You are a good friend, and a good sister. I am the one who is bad.”
“Star you are not bad, you were a little child.”
“In my heart I celebrating their death.”
“They hurt you Star, I am sure God forgives me.”
“I do not know God.”
“God knows you and he wants to reach out to you.”
I prayed that I could reach out to Star. If God wanted me to reach out to her, he was going to have to help me do just that. I could not do it on my own and I understood that. I was grateful that the Lord had brought Star into my life, but the truth was I had not expected to have a sister with so many issues. A sister who looked as if her very soul had been stripped away from her.
I could not begin to imagine the pain Star must be feeling. The fear she must feel. It was obvious that she felt unworthy to be loved and did not know how to receive love. My heart broke for my sister.
Lord reach out to her, let her see your love.
That was a question I could not answer. I wanted to answer it, but I really could not understand it myself. I did my best, but was not sure I could but I did my best to try and give her as much comfort as I knew how.
“God does not make the evil happen, we live in a fallen world. People make bad decisions and hurt those they should love.”
“You can not understand what I have been through, that is why I can not believe. It is not that I do not want to, but right now I can not. I am scared Hope.” Star finally admitted.
“I know you are.”
“I am sorry.”
“Why are you sorry Star?”
“I did not want to burden you with my troubles.”
“Star you are not a burden, and you are not burdening me. You are my sister and I love you.”
“How can you love someone who is dirty?”
“You are not dirty Star. What happened to you is not your fault?”
To Be Continued…
“How could God love me and allow this to happen?”