I found Star in my room clinging to my childhood doll, and crying. I could not understand why something as simple as a childs doll was upsetting her so much, but there was a lot of things about Star I did not understand. Star had been through hell, and even the simplest things seemed to set her off.
“I had a baby once.” Star said. I thought she was remembering a doll she had as a child.
“What happened to your doll?”
“It wasn’t a doll, when I was raped I got pregnant, I was only nine when I got pregnant, a little girl, not understanding what was going on, but I had a baby. I gave birth to it. The pain, it was horrible, and then the baby was taken from me. A little girl. I just pray they did not kill it. I was only ten when I gave birth, I could not even name the baby, but in my mind I called her Angel, because I believed somehow she was going to be the Angel who saved me from this.”
I was to shocked to say anything. I had not even known it was possible for a nine year old to get Pregnant, but apparently it was. The things Star endured, what she must have been through.
Lord how could something like this happen? How could Star have survived all of this? There is so much I do not understand.“Does anyone else know that you have a baby out there somewhere?”
“No I have told no one, I am not even sure she lived. My Father could have killed her. He was that bad of a man. He did not want anyone to know what was happening, other than the people he let in. But even if had others had known they would have turned a blind eye, because I was a girl.”
“I am so sorry Star. I did not know. I will put the doll up if its to painful.”
“No may I please hold it?”
“Star if it helps you can have it.”
“Thank you, I never got to hold my baby, and I never had a doll before. I was lucky to have clothes on my back. Sometimes I did not even have that.”
Lord what kind of monster does this? What kind of monster puts a little girl through this kind of pain? “Well you may have the doll.”
“I know I am to old for children’s things, but…”
“Star it’s okay, you do not have to explain to me.”
“Thank you Hope.”
No wonder Star was so afraid, so hurt over everything. She had endured even more hell than I had imagined. I could not imagine my thirteen year old sister may have a three year old daughter somewhere in the world.
“I wish I knew what happened to Angel. If my Father did not kill her, maybe she is okay somewhere. I wish I had the chance to see my little girl for more than the mere few seconds, before she was taken from me.”
“I am sorry Star, I wish you had not gone through any of that. No child, no one deserves what happened to you.”
“And my baby, my innocent baby, she did not deserve it either.”
“I am sorry Star.”
I wish I could say something more, but the fact was I could not say much of anything this was all to painful. I did not know if I was coming or going. And if I felt this way how must Star feel?
Lord Star deserved better than this, anyone deserves better than this. I do not know how to reach out to her, but I want to. I want to be the big sister for her, but in so many ways she seems so much older than I am. I have lived a sheltered life compared to what she has been through. I can not begin to understand the pain she feels daily. The memories that haunt her dreams at night, she deserves better Lord, she really does.“Thank you Hope.” Star said once again. “I am sorry that I said I did not want a sister. I am glad we are sisters.”
For the first time Star reached out to hug me. Slowly very slowly she was letting the walls come down, and at least letting me in. Now I needed to pray she would let the Lord in, and Mom and Dad. I knew she was afraid especially of Dad, because of what happened, but Daddy would never hurt her the way her Father did, our Dad was a good man, who would hurt someone who even thought of hurting a kid. Even as I had told him what I knew of Star, I could see the anger building up in him, and him fighting back the rage, at the fact that anyone would hurt a child in this way. I knew if Star’s Father had not been killed, my Dad might have snapped and gone after him. He didn’t care what his country or culture dictated, the fact was no culture really was supposed to condone this kind of treatment to anyone.
“Your welcome Star. I am glad we are sisters too. I knew you did not mean what you said, you were upset and I am staring to understand why more now.”
“I still should not have said anything bad about you, you have been good to me.”
“I want to be a good sister, a good friend.”
“You are Hope, thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
“It is going to take time Hope, but I will grow to love you and Mom, and Dad, and act like a daughter should. I just do not know how a daughter is supposed to act right now. I do not understand a lot of things.”
“Star you are doing fine, Mom and Dad, are very glad they adopted you, they love you, and I do too.”
“Thank you Hope.”