I did not understand all that Star had endured. How could I?
I had lived a life of luxury and ease compared to what Star had lived as a little girl. Now we were trying to share our lives with Star. I was trying to show her that there were good people in the world, and that I wanted to be a good sister and a good friend, but at times reaching out to her was like running head first into a brick wall.
Lord give me the strength I need to help Star, and Lord help Stars heart soften.
Even after being with us for months Star was still frightened I would find her curled up in the fetal position on her bed at night, or laying by the sliding glass door, just shaking. Always afraid that the littlest things were going to get her in trouble. No matter what we did to encourage her to tell her we would not hurt her, that fear still remained.
Lord I am doing my best to reach her. I do not know how to get to Star.One night I heard Stars muffled cries, and went into her room. She was drenched in sweat, and I knew something was not right. Star was sick and yet she was still afraid she would get in trouble for being sick. I knew that as hot as she felt something was not right, so Mom and I ended up taking her to the hospital, she was still far to frightened to be around Dad. Dad would never hurt her, but she could not understand.
“Something is not right Mom, Star is sick and scared.”
“We’re going to get her to the doctors, she’s burning up. I’d call an ambulance, but I’m afraid it would just scare her.”
“Do you really think it’s that bad?”
“I don’t know.”
Lord let Star be alright. She’s been through so much already.“How can one person go through so much Mom, how much can one little girl endure?”
“I don’t know Hope, but we are going to have to pray for Star do our best to be there for her.”
“Mom I am believe me I am.”
“I know you are Hope and I am glad Star has a sister like you.”
“I am glad to have Star for a sister too, I just wish I knew how to reach her better.”
“Hope you are reaching her in ways that no one else has been able to.”
“I just feel so helpless Mom, how could anyone hurt a child like her family hurt her? How could her own Father do the things he did to her?”
“The sad fact is there are some sick people in this world.”
“I know Mom, but why do little kids have to be the victims?”
“That’s a question I don’t have the answer to Hope.”
I was grateful that I had Mom and grateful that Star was safe with us now, but she was sick not only in body, but in spirit, and I just did not know how to help her. Star deserved better than this. And yet she was now in the hospital, being poked and prodded, probably feeling like she was being punished again. I could not understand how anyone could think that hurting a child like this was ever okay, that leaving a thirteen year old so scarred and scared, she just did not know how to deal with life was acceptable.
Lord how much more can Star take.It wasn’t until the nurses and doctors were doing their exams that I truly saw Star’s scars. Her legs, her arms, her back, all covered in deep horrific scars that no child should ever have to endure. Star had been through so much and here she was still suffering. None of it seemed fair.
Lord help Star overcome this. Help me to be able to reach out to her. Show her that she is worthy that no child deserves punishment like this. This was not punishment but torture Lord, and she was only a little girl.I only half listened as the doctors were talking to Mom, about Star, but by the look on Mom’s face I could tell the news was not good. What was Star going to have to endure now?
Lord whatever is happening to Star, whatever she is having to endure please help her through it. She has been through so much already I don’t know how to help her.“Why did they hurt her like that?” I asked Mom knowing she had seen the scars.
“I don’t know Hope, but I did not know how bad it was. Star has an infection, its bad, if something isn’t done she will probably die.”
“No, please we have to do something.”
“They want to amputate her leg, that’s where the infection set in, they are not sure how she got it, but considering all she has been through, only God knows.”
“Does Star know.”
“I think so, but she thinks she’s being punished again. I am starting to wonder if this is more than we can handle. I knew Star had been abused, but I did not know how damaged she was.”
“Mom we can’t think like that, Star is with us for a reason, we need to help her.”
“Sweetie we are, and don’t worry I love Star, I am just really upset at the moment, but Star is a blessing.”
“Mom you need to tell her that, she needs to hear that.”
“I have told her Hope, but I am not sure she believes me.”
“Just keep telling her, and please Mom don’t give up on her.”
“Don’t worry sweetie, we are going to do everything we can to help her, but she wants to see you.”
I headed to her room where she was being settled, thinking in a short time she’d be in surgery, having a part of her removed. I knew she must be scared, the fact was I was scared for her. I hoped she would not be resentful of Mom’s decision, but this was the only way to save her life, I hoped she understood that.