For years, I kept telling myself that when the kids go, I would miss them terribly. Now I'm not so sure.
I see my big, strapping teenage son (age 18), getting ready to leave for college in just a few months, and I suddenly get a lump the size of Texas in my throat. I also see his sister (one year younger), studying hard for her SAT's, and tears prick my eyes.
I remember both Judson and Sarah when they were little bitty babies. I remember their sweet, drooly smiles, their soft, pudgy arms and legs, sticky little fingers, their happy coos of delight (or howls of dissent and/or disappointment), and their soft, fine hair (in Sarah's case; poor Judson was as bald as a rock!), and now they are both on the threshold of leaving home to start their own lives. Whenever I think about it (which is often as of late), my eyes fill with tears and threaten to spill.
I can't help it. I'm a mother. I'm not ready for my babies to fly the coop!!
I wish I could keep them babies forever ... or at least five years old! When they were five and four, Judson and Sarah were two peas in a pod: everybody thought they were twins: they looked exactly alike (by this time, Juddie had sprouted a thick halo of golden curly hair).
I know now that it is impossible to keep your children little forever and ever, but as their mother, I can dream, can't I?? :)
Judson will be attending the University of Louisiana, where he plans to study to become a doctor, which means he will be in school for ten years or more. As for Sarah, she wants to go into the military, possibly the Marine Corps. She wants to go to college as well when she finishes her military training. There is no telling where she will end up, but she is excited about her future.
I don't blame her one bit. I'm just scared that she will end up in a war zone: if anything were to happen to my baby girl, I don't think I could ever forgive myself!
There may be grandchildren in the future. I don't know, but there could be. Judson has a girlfriend that he plans to marry once he gets his academic career off and running. Sarah isn't thinking about that just yet: she's more concerned about getting her SAT's overwith and joining the military when she graduates from high school next year.
Until then, all I can do is hold onto the memories and look at the scrapbooks chock full of pictures from when Judson and Sarah were both very small and remember the joys of parenthood.