AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Venkataraman Gopalakrishnan, iKendra Berni, iTiffany Turner, iSafi aifas32@gmail.com, iMartyn Kinsella-Jones, iMandeep Khera, iG. Roscoe, i

  Home > Action/Thriller > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

jd shaw

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Poetry
· Stories
· 3 Titles
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: May, 2011

jd shaw, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Dreamtime in IKEA
By jd shaw
Sunday, May 08, 2011

Not rated by the Author.

Share    Print  Save   Follow



Ragged out n dragged screaming from IKEA.

I’m in a mood - fouled by trendy Swedish furniture and the rolling maul of barge-arse shoppers intent  on pecking over every tea cup and every damn designer cheese grater in the entire fucking IKEA superstore.

And, as my mood bulges from my throbbing temples, I note a prowling hyena, a cruising security guard, running point near the Turkish blue glassware.

I think he may have overheard my disparaging remarks about that stripy lounge-suite ($445.00) somewhere back there  in that bruising, consumptive maze.

Distracted by a happy fat family excitedly poking through the  bright mustard yellow cupboards of a carry home, kit kitchen (flat packed $752.98).

I nudge my brother-in-law… ‘Look at those sad mother fuckers’ I say it a little too loudly, as I rattle a wooden bread bin door and the tin foil hinges give way.

And then he’s there at my elbow, the no brained, bullish security guard - his eyes saying he wants to obliterate my smug smile with a white canvas folding chair ($49.99) he’s carrying for some old granny.

The neon hanging lights have made me a little disorientated and I try to stare him down… a fool, I know…  a god-damn fool.

Taking my scrawny arm in his meat ball paws he frog marches me towards the nearest exit.

My sister, not wanting to loose the shopping opportunity, looks like she might just throw me to the wolves - happy to see me pulverized ‘cause where they’re from there’s no god damn IKEA for a hundred miles.

And now Andrei The Giant is wrestling me like a sack of spuds through the Bedding and Linen section – getting desperate I grab at a pillow display n it comes with us - sixties style throw pillows ($19.00 for three) fly in all directions, till Andrei gets me in a Full-Nelson on a king-sized Posturepedic mattress ($899.00 not inc. base) and starts drill his elbow deep into my spine.

And now suddenly there’s two of the big gorillas  - they’re pulling at me and I’m screaming and thrashing as they drag me out the front doors to polish my face with their jack boots between two Toyota Corollas  

And, dazed and confused, I notice my sister is tapping me on the shoulder saying… ‘Jesus, what the hell’s the matter with you, you frigging nut case, you’re making mewing noises for god’s sake.’

And I look around and I’m still standing, staring at a Smeg Bench Top Stove ($599.95) and the guard has wandered off, bored - with me not being worth the effort.

It was all just one of those shopper zone-out nightmares…

‘Come on’ my sister says… ‘We’ve got to get to the bathroom section - I desperately need some new taps ($38.50 a set) for the ensuite, they’re from Uzbekistan… or Turkestan… or somewhere.’ And I’m in tow again and everything looks o.k.

But you never know what might happen in a maze of uptight Swedish furniture, frenzied crowds, and an overzealous security department… you never know… there could be bargains or there could be buggery.

       Web Site: JD Shaw Writing and Publishing

Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!



Popular Action/Thriller Stories
1. Hard Town Trucking
2. If Animals Could Talk-Volume Two
3. Einstein: How do Galaxies Work? Updated 6/
4. Fractured Idioms July 30
5. Fractured Idioms -Friday 4/27/12 (G Versio
6. Family Dynamics And War
7. Yesterday's Gone To Pages
8. I Am The Pretty Girl-Chapter Two
9. An Icicle Kiss-A Story
10. WAKE UP LATINOS !!!!!

Purity by Arthur Jackson

In rural Pennsylvania East meets West and Middle East, as three global forces collide in their pursuit of a ground breaking chemical formula...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

The Dragonfly Door by Margaret Millmore

a suspense filled modern day time travel thriller..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.