Chapter Twenty One:
I found Vania sitting on the sofa in the living room of the small cabin that had become our home in the past few weeks. She looked like she was lost in thought, I could tell something was troubling her. I had become an expert at reading my oldest daughter expressions.
“Want to talk about whatever it is troubling you?” I asked
“It’s Aunt Anna.”
“I kind of thought it might have something to do with her. We have all been praying for her.”
“When I found out she was my birth Mother I was so mad, so lost, so confused. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to forgive her, to move on with my life. But I was able to, by the Grace of God, I wish she could see that anything is possible when God wills it. I know the good Lord doesn’t want her sitting around feeling sorry for herself. She needs to live life Mom, not let it pass her by.”
“I know.”
“I think I am going to try and write her a letter, because maybe it will come out better on paper, and explain things to her. I don’t know Mom, but I don’t think it will hurt to try.”
“I think that’s a great idea Vania.”
Dear Aunt Anna:
I know you are hurting, and though I cannot say I understand what you are going through, because the truth is I have been through what you are going through now. But I think Mom understands and I think she is trying to help you, and being angry at the world is not going to help any.
I nearly held un-forgiveness in my heart when I found out you were my birth Mom. I know now you were protecting me when you gave me away, now I know it was a lot more complicated than that, and though my first couple of years were hard when Mamma adopted me life became good. We had our share of troubles of course, especially with Grandfather when the secrets started coming to light, when the evil started showing, but I knew Mom and Dad loved me and they would do everything they could to protect me, Ana, Ahab, and Jelena. I knew she loved us all equally that was never a question and the same was true for Dad, I also knew she grieved you for years after the funeral, burying the coffin she thought was yours. I was angry at you for that too even though Mom tried to explain it to me, but you know what I chose to move on. I chose not to dwell on it. Just like Mom chose not to let a wheelchair stop her from being a cop, from being a Captain even. She is not only a woman but a woman who happens to have a disability, working in a field that is dominated by able bodied men. Not that there really is anything disabled about Mom. She may not be able to walk but she does not let that stop her. You need to take a cue from that, you are sisters, you are not the only one who has been through hell in this family, Mom and Aunt Sophia have too, but they are not letting it stop them from living.
If I am sounding disrespectful I am sorry but it hurts me to see you doing this to yourself. I love you, and I want you to know that. You are my birth Mother, I would not be here if it were not for you, and though Marishka will always be Mother to me, I will never stop respecting the sacrifices you made for me and doesn’t Mechela deserve the same? Doesn’t Mechela deserve that kind of love? I do not want any less for my baby sister than I would want for myself. I want you to know that I am no longer angry about the decisions you made that went away long ago, that in fact I feel blessed because I have so many women to look up to, so many people I can talk to. You,Mom, Aunt Sophia. But right now you are shutting yourself away from all of us, and I can’t really look up to that, it hurts me to see the way you are hurting Mechela. Don’t you see that you are doing that?
I love you, I always will, but I cannot stand to see what you are doing to yourself and those who care about you. Please let us help you, stop shutting us out.
Love Vania.
“Why are you giving me this now? Can’t you see I am hurting?”
“Yes I can, but you are hurting Mechela in the process and I cannot sit by and do nothing.”
“Vania I do not appreciate you talking to me like that.”
“Aunt Anna I have tried talking to you, we all have it seems the only time you listen is when we take a tone with you. I am sorry it has come this way, but this is your doing.”
“You don’t understand what I am going through.”
“Your right I don’t, but what I do know is you have no right to make Mechela scared of you. She is afraid to even come say hello to you anymore. Is that really the kind of relationship you want with your daughter?”
“Why does it matter? Your my daughter too, and we aren’t that close.”
“I will always appreciate the fact that you gave birth to me, and I am grateful for the decisions you made, but Mom raised me. I love you though, I hope you know that.”
“I don’t know anything.”
“I think you do, you are just letting the pain fester inside until you explode at the person nearest you. We all want to help you, but you are pushing us all away.”
“I don’t want to need help.”
“We all need help at one point or another in our lives, there is no shame in it. I do not know why you feel there is such a shame in it.”
“I am used to taking care of myself and Mechela, now I need help.”
“You can gain your independence, but not by sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.”
“What do you know about it?”
“I have watched Mom go through it, I have watched Ana fight her way back from a stroke, and Aunt Sophia survive a bullet to the brain, I have survived beating, and unspeakable abuse. I know a thing or two about fighting your way back. I may not know what it is like to live with a spinal cord injury personally but I know you can live your life, and live a good one if you allow yourself. Look at mom.”
“I am not Marishka.”
“No you are not, and no one is expecting you to be, what we are expecting is for you to make an effort.”
“Have I really been that bad Vania?”
“Yes you have, but we are not holding it against you Aunt Anna we only want what is best for you. And this isn’t it.”
“I guess not. I can’t spend my life hiding I guess.”
“No you can’t. You were shot, and you survived, obviously God had a reason.”
“You sound just like your Mom.”
“Where do you think I get it from?”
“Vania will you help me through this? I know Marishka will always be your Mother, but I would like you to be here with me through this.”
“And you will always be the woman who gave birth to me, I know now I was wrong to feel the way I did, God set me straight on that. And I love you, so yes of course I will help you.”
“Thank you Vania, I am sorry.”
“I understand, but I think you need to tell Mechela sorry. She’s a lot younger and is not going to understand as easily.”
I had overheard my daughter and my sister talking and went to go get Mechela. I knew that Anna was going to need to try and explain things to her daughter.
“I’ll go by myself.” Mechela said, asserting her independence, and knowing this needed to be something she needed to do herself. Mechela was young, but in many ways much older than most kids her age, because of the things she had lived through.
I watched as Mechela gripped the handles to her walking frame and made her way to her Moms room. Now that she was learning to walk she rarely wanted to use her chair, at times she pushed herself to the point of exhausting, but then again she was one of us.
“Mommy don’t cry.” Mechela said. “I don’t want you to be said all the time.”
“Honey these are happy tears, because I am so proud of you. This is the first time I have let myself see you walk, and I am proud.”
“I’m not mad at you anymore Mommy, but I wish you would stop being so sad. I want you to be happy again. I want you to go places and do things with us again.”
“I will sweetie. I am working on that.”
“Did Vania help you feel better?”
“Yes sweetie she did.”
“Good I am happy, because you were always sad. Are you going to be happy again?”
“Yes sweetie I believe I will.”
“Just because your legs don’t work Mommy doesn’t mean you can’t do lots of things.”
“I am starting to see that Mechela. I am starting to understand that.”
“Aunt Isha is taking us to get some pizza, she says we need to get out of the cabin sometimes, do you want to come?”
“Maybe I will sweetie, but I am still not very strong.”
“It’s okay Mommy, because you know what, we are weak and Jesus is strong. Isn’t that what the song says?”
I could not help but smile as I watched my sister and her daughter interact once again. Mechela and Anna had been through a lot, but the fears that had come with Mechela’s ordeal seemed almost like a thing of the past. She still clung to Ahab from time to time, but now they shared a deep bond, and they weren’t so afraid anymore I was thankful for that.
I watched as Anna reached for the Bible I had placed on her bed. A leather Bible that had helped me through after I was shot and paralyzed twenty years before. I had bookmarked Acts 20:
“Read this with me?” Anna asked.
“Yes of course, and then we will go okay?”
“Sounds good to me, I think it’s time I get out.”
“I do too.”
Acts 20
Through Macedonia and Greece
1 When the uproar had ended, Paul sent for the disciples and, after encouraging them, said goodbye and set out for Macedonia. 2 He traveled through that area, speaking many words of encouragement to the people, and finally arrived in Greece, 3 where he stayed three months. Because some Jews had plotted against him just as he was about to sail for Syria, he decided to go back through Macedonia. 4 He was accompanied by Sopater son of Pyrrhus from Berea, Aristarchus and Secundus from Thessalonica, Gaius from Derbe, Timothy also, and Tychicus and Trophimus from the province of Asia. 5 These men went on ahead and waited for us at Troas. 6 But we sailed from Philippi after the Festival of Unleavened Bread, and five days later joined the others at Troas, where we stayed seven days.
Eutychus Raised From the Dead at Troas
7 On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. 8 There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. 9 Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. 10 Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “He’s alive!” 11 Then he went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left. 12 The people took the young man home alive and were greatly comforted.
Paul’s Farewell to the Ephesian Elders
13 We went on ahead to the ship and sailed for Assos, where we were going to take Paul aboard. He had made this arrangement because he was going there on foot. 14 When he met us at Assos, we took him aboard and went on to Mitylene. 15 The next day we set sail from there and arrived off Chios. The day after that we crossed over to Samos, and on the following day arrived at Miletus. 16 Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus to avoid spending time in the province of Asia, for he was in a hurry to reach Jerusalem, if possible, by the day of Pentecost.
17 From Miletus, Paul sent to Ephesus for the elders of the church. 18 When they arrived, he said to them: “You know how I lived the whole time I was with you, from the first day I came into the province of Asia. 19 I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my Jewish opponents. 20 You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 21 I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
22 “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23 I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.
25 “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. 26 Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of you. 27 For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God,[a] which he bought with his own blood.[b] 29 I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30 Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. 31 So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.
32 “Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33 I have not coveted anyone’s silver or gold or clothing. 34 You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
36 When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. 37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. 38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.
Acts 20
Through Macedonia and Greece
1 When the uproar had ended, Paul sent for the disciples and, after encouraging them, said goodbye and set out for Macedonia. 2 He traveled through that area, speaking many words of encouragement to the people, and finally arrived in Greece, 3 where he stayed three months. Because some Jews had plotted against him just as he was about to sail for Syria, he decided to go back through Macedonia. 4 He was accompanied by Sopater son of Pyrrhus from Berea, Aristarchus and Secundus from Thessalonica, Gaius from Derbe, Timothy also, and Tychicus and Trophimus from the province of Asia. 5 These men went on ahead and waited for us at Troas. 6 But we sailed from Philippi after the Festival of Unleavened Bread, and five days later joined the others at Troas, where we stayed seven days.
Eutychus Raised From the Dead at Troas
7 On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. 8 There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. 9 Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. 10 Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “He’s alive!” 11 Then he went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left. 12 The people took the young man home alive and were greatly comforted.
Paul’s Farewell to the Ephesian Elders
13 We went on ahead to the ship and sailed for Assos, where we were going to take Paul aboard. He had made this arrangement because he was going there on foot. 14 When he met us at Assos, we took him aboard and went on to Mitylene. 15 The next day we set sail from there and arrived off Chios. The day after that we crossed over to Samos, and on the following day arrived at Miletus. 16 Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus to avoid spending time in the province of Asia, for he was in a hurry to reach Jerusalem, if possible, by the day of Pentecost.
17 From Miletus, Paul sent to Ephesus for the elders of the church. 18 When they arrived, he said to them: “You know how I lived the whole time I was with you, from the first day I came into the province of Asia. 19 I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my Jewish opponents. 20 You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 21 I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
22 “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23 I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.
25 “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. 26 Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of you. 27 For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God,[a] which he bought with his own blood.[b] 29 I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30 Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. 31 So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.
32 “Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33 I have not coveted anyone’s silver or gold or clothing. 34 You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
36 When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. 37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. 38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.
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