Chapter Twenty Five:
“I cannot even begin to imagine the thoughts that must be going through your head right now.” My sister Anna said. As we began helping Vania prepare to leave. My oldest was going to be leaving the nest soon. I would have felt a little more secure if we were not still in hiding. I wondered if we would ever stop having to hide from the monster that was supposed to be my Father.
“Anna the truth is I am not even sure what I am thinking at the moment, other than praying that Vania is safe. But I have confidence in her, she has a good head on her shoulders.”
“All your kids do Isha”
“Thank you, we try the credit goes to the Lord though, because we could not do any of it without him.”
“I know Isha.”
I really did not know what I was feeling let alone what I was thinking at the moment because there were so many different things playing through my mind. Vania was about to leave, no longer the little girl I had to protect she had become a woman. Vania had come a long way from that scared toddler Jacob and I adopted nearly eighteen years priors, she was a young woman approaching her twenty first birthday and she was doing everything in her power to prove that she could live up to what God called her to do. I knew Vania truly believed it was God calling her to be an officer, and I could not argue with her, because Vania’s faith was a strong one.
“It’s going to be hard on all of us when she leaves.” I admitted.
“Yes I can’t imagine, how Ana, Ahab, and Jasmine are going to take it.”
“Me either, but I am praying that they get through it.”
“They will Isha, they have made it through a lot worse.”
“You’ve got that right Anna.”
“I guess none of us have had an easy road have we?”
“No Anna, but we are here, the Lord has got us this far, and he will get us farther.”
“I sometimes wonder how much he thinks we can take.”
“I don’t know Anna, but look at what he has done for us.”
“I know Isha, I guess I am just still having a hard time with all of this.”
“This has more to do with just the fact that you are going to miss your niece doesn’t it?”
“Yes I guess I am still hurting about what happened to me, but I feel selfish.”
“Anna it’s okay to grieve, but when that grief turns into something that lets you stop living that’s when it is something that is going to do more harm than good.”
“I was in that place just a few weeks ago I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to hurt Isha.”
“Anna it’s okay to have feelings it’s okay to hurt, sometimes I still grieve for what I have lost and I was shot over twenty years ago. This is still new to you Anna, but you are going to get through it Anna. You have gotten through a lot of things in your life, and you will get through this.”
“I know Isha, and I feel silly, but I do hurt.”
“I know Anna.”
“I’ve been writing again, trying to help me deal with the emotions, deal with all that has happened. I feel so overwhelmed at times.”
“I know Anna, and you know we are here for you. We are not going to stop you from grieving. Grief is a normal part of the process, what we worried about was when it stopped you from living your life.”
“The truth is Isha, sometimes I have to push myself to just get out of bed. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the Lord kept me here for a reason, and then I remember Mechela, and I remember my loved ones, and I know I have a reason to get out of bed.”
“That’s good that you realize that Anna, you need to remember that when you are hurting.”
“It’s not always easy Isha, sometimes I have trouble swallowing the fact that I might not walk again.”
“Don’t give up Anna okay, keep working at your therapies if God wills it to happen it will. If not you will do okay, I did.”
“It just seems that our family is living an over scripted dramatic movie.”
“Sometimes I feel that way too.”
I could not figure out how we had gone from Vania to talking about this, but Anna needed comfort. I could not deny her that, because I knew the questions, I understood the pain. I was in her place nearly twenty years before. I prayed my words would serve to comfort my sister. That the Lord would somehow use me to help her through this. I knew going from being able to walk, to having your legs paralyzed by a bullet was not easy, but God had a reason for keeping her with us, just as he had kept me here all those years ago.
I turned to the scriptures once again looking for solace in the word of the Lord. I needed the spiritual manna for the day.
1 Thessalonians 5
The Day of the Lord
1 Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2 for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.
4 But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5 You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. 6 So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. 7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8 But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not treat prophecies with contempt 21 but test them all; hold on to what is good, 22 reject every kind of evil.
23 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
25 Brothers and sisters, pray for us. 26 Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss. 27 I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers and sisters.
28 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you
“Mom I overheard you and Aunt Anna talking, I am going to be okay. I am going to make it Mom, and so is Aunt Anna. I know she has a lot of questions she doesn’t know if she will ever have answered but the Lord knows her heart and will help her.”
“I know he will Vania, and deep down she knows that too but she is used to doing things on her own, she doesn’t like having anything slow her down.”
“A chair has never served to slow you down, she needs to take her cue from you Mom.”
“Thank you Vania, but Anna needs to do what is best for her. That may not be being like me.”
Lord I know you have helped me to raise a beautiful and a well adjusted young woman loves the Lord with her whole heart, and I am grateful for that, but help us deal with watching her leave. And Lord help Anna she is having a hard time with what happened to her, with being shot, and being told she would never walk again. The reality is even there more now that she is home, because she has discovered things are different, but that does not have to necessarily be a bad thing, help her to see that Lord.
“Vania we are all proud of you, you are going to make it and you are really going to make a difference in the force. I believe that, so does Daddy, we all do.”
“Thank you Mom.”
“You’re welcome Vania, I love you.”
“Love you too Mom.”