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Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen

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Shadows From Our Past Chater Thirty One (Story 3,024)
By Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen
Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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I have been praying I think its getting to be time we leave this cabin, find a place to call home, and stop running.

Chapter Thirty One:

I felt like I was getting to know my sister better through the journals, she was with me now of course, no longer was missing, I no longer believed she was dead, but there was still so much of her life that was a mystery to us. I did not need to know everything, but I wanted to know some of what my sister went through, so I was glad she had given me the journals to read.

Oct.31:

It’s Halloween and once again I find myself thinking of Marishka and Sophia. I know about Mamma and Dad, there secrets and their lies. I do not know how Mamma can stand for all the lies, all the secrets, and all the hatred.

I do not miss Mamma and our Father the way I miss Marishka and Sophia. My parents are the reason things turned out this way. Maybe not Mamma but Mamma is guilty because she did not say anything she is letting the evil happen.

I want to be able to talk to Sophia and Marishka to tell them I am not really dead, that, that wasn’t really me in the coffin, but of course I can not, it can not be, because I would put them in danger.

I miss you Marishka and Sophia I hope you know that.

And I love you, sisters forever.

God Bless

Anna~

 

I had not really thought about how things had affected Anna, how badly she had missed us until I started reading the pages in her journal. I knew she had been scared, more like terrified. She had been going through hell, I knew that, even before I had believed she was dead.

“Anna I am sorry I was selfish only thinking of how I missed you, I did not even consider what you had gone through. I did not even begin to imagine you were in hiding somewhere, because you had to be. I believed we really had buried you.”

“I know Marishka, it had to be that way. I wish it didn’t because I can’t count the times I wanted to come back and tell you and Sophia I was alive and okay, well maybe okay was not the right word, but I couldn’t say anything. It hurt me making you guys think I was dead.”

“I know it did Anna, it must have been harder for you, at least at first, because you had no one to turn to, Sophia and I had each other.”

“It was hard, and I made it harder on myself by staying angry at God.”

“I am so glad you let that anger and bitterness go.”

“So am I Isha.”

“When did you start calling me Isha?”

“It made me think of Sophia, so I actually started calling you that, at least to myself when I was in hiding.”

“I am sorry you had to go from running to running.”

“Isha please don’t feel guilty about things you can not help.”

“I just feel like trouble is following us and I can not help but feel its at least in part my fault.”

“You can not put that kind of guilt on yourself Isha, you are not the monster, our Father is.”

“Thank you Anna.”

“Anna what did you do when you found yourself so tired of running, you didn’t know what to do with yourself?”

“I escaped into the world of my stories, and poems, I read, I did anything I could to try and preserve what I had left of my sanity.”

As I often did after a difficult talk with my sister, or anyone else for that matter I found myself turning to my Bible, this time I was lead to read 1 Thessalonians 2

1 Thessalonians 2

Paul’s Ministry in Thessalonica

1 You know, brothers and sisters, that our visit to you was not without results. 2 We had previously suffered and been treated outrageously in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in the face of strong opposition. 3 For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. 4 On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. 5 You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. 6 We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority. 7 Instead, we were like young children[

I felt bad for Anna, because she had been hurting just as we had, but Sophia and I had each other, Anna had no one at first, not until Mechela, not until her marriage to a criminal, who really was not all that bad. All he had wanted to do was protect his little girl and his wife, but he had pushed to the extreme and put others in danger in the process. I could understand where he was coming from, but he had put myself and Jacob in danger the way he had gone about things. If he had not though I may not have found Anna, met my precious niece Mechela.

a] among you. b]

Paul’s Longing to See the Thessalonians

17 But, brothers and sisters, when we were orphaned by being separated from you for a short time (in person, not in thought), out of our intense longing we made every effort to see you. 18 For we wanted to come to you—certainly I, Paul, did, again and again—but Satan blocked our way. 19 For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? 20 Indeed, you are our glory and joy.

 

I knew we were all getting tired of running.

Running from the shadows of our pasts.

Lord I need to know if going back to our life is the right thing. We are all so tired of running, of having to look over our shoulders every time we turn around. This is getting to all of us, our children are not being allowed to have a life, and we can not even see Vania without fearing for our safety. It’s hard Lord, and I think it has to end. Show me if this the right thing to do, I want to do what is right in your site.I felt better after talking to the Lord, and now I was going to turn to Anna’s journals once again. I was getting to know my sisters through these pages.

Fear not, I am your Lord God.

Thank you Lord.

Rest in me my child, I am your shelter, your comfort.I love you Jesus.

 

I will not leave you my child, I will not forsake you. Just as I know the number of lilies in the field, I know the number of hairs on your head. Find your comfort in me.Thank you Jesus.

 

 

Running

Hiding

At times I feel

Like I am playing a child’s game.

But this is real

Just at the funeral

My sisters loving prepared

Believing I was dead.

Just as the evil and the hatred

In my Father’s heart.

I want this game to end

But it is never ending.

Anna.

“Anna thank you for letting me read your journals. And thank you for listening as I vent.”

“Marishka you don’t need to thank me, if it weren’t for you and Vania, I would still be laying in that bedroom giving up on life, because I was shot, because I am a paraplegic.”

“Anna I understood what you are going through, I still do.”

“I know you did Isha.”

“I have been praying I think it’s getting to be time we leave this cabin, find a place to call home, and stop running.”

“Did you sell your house before you started running?”

“No but I am not sure I want to go back there either, not to live, I think we need somewhere bigger, and I am afraid that going back would just put a target on our heads.”

“Whatever you feel is best, but when you decide to go and get the stuff out of the house you want, I will go with you.”

“Thank you Anna, but I wouldn’t want to put you in danger.”

“Isha, I want to go, you don’t have to always feel like you have to protect me.”

“Anna you will always be my little sister.”

“I know Isha, but I am not a little girl anymore.”

“I know Anna, you haven’t been a little girl since you were ten.”

“I wish it had been different Isha, I really do.”

“Me too. I wish you had not had to go through all that you went through.”

“I know Isha.”

I was so grateful to have Anna here, to be able to talk to her, to be able to cuddle with Mechela. Watch her grow, watch her overcome the obstacles in her way. Things that she was never supposed to do she was now doing, like walking with the aide of a wheeled walker. This was not something she was supposed to do, now she got around better than we ever dreamed, we knew the Lord’s hand was in that, and Anna was finally able to celebrate her daughters victories because she wasn’t so full of hurt and self loathing.

Thank you Lord for bringing my sister back to me, to us, and for giving us Mechela, you are showing us miracles through her, but I guess the fact that we have made it this far is a miracle in itself isn’t it? Lord you are still in the miracle working business today, and I am grateful for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was starting to feel it was time to step out in faith, and stop running, but I would have to pray over it, for awhile. I could not do anything without first talking to the Lord first. I needed to make sure what I felt the Lord was calling me to do for myself and my family. I needed to get through this, I needed my family to be safe, but I knew that running forever was not necessarily the answer.

Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 8 so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. 9 Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. 10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

13 And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as a human word, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is indeed at work in you who believe. 14 For you, brothers and sisters, became imitators of God’s churches in Judea, which are in Christ Jesus: You suffered from your own people the same things those churches suffered from the Jews 15 who killed the Lord Jesus and the prophets and also drove us out. They displease God and are hostile to everyone 16 in their effort to keep us from speaking to the Gentiles so that they may be saved. In this way they always heap up their sins to the limit. The wrath of God has come upon them at last.[


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Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/15/2011
Great story, Michelle; well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. ;D


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