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Shadows from Our Past: Chapter Thirty Two
By Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Rated "PG" by the Author.
It seemed danger was always around the corner.
But the Lord protected us as he always did. I knew that.
Chapter Thirty Two:
I could not help but feel that danger was on its way, but despite that, I still wanted to leave the relative safety of our cabin. I did not want to feel that we were being kept prisoner for ever. It was about time to step out in faith. I had talked to Jacob, and my sisters about this, and Ana, and they agreed it was about time.
Something foreboding was speaking to my heart though. I could not put my finger on the feeling, but I knew it spoke of danger. I had feelings like this before, I believed it was God’s way of telling me to watch out their was danger.
The danger would come regardless though.
We could not always hide though. We could not always run, the children deserved a better life than that, the truth is we all deserved a better life than that.
My children should not have to live their lives in fear of Shadows of the Past. They deserved to live a happy and normal life, whatever that was. There was so much my children deserved but having to spend their lives in fear, certainly was not something they deserved.
I turned to my Bible to Matthew 18 once again finding comfort in the words of the Lord.
The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Causing to Stumble
6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
The Parable of the Wandering Sheep
10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.  [
a] b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. e] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[f] loosed in heaven. g] h] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. i] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
I felt the Lord speaking to my heart. I knew I had to step out in faith, I had to stop running despite the foreboding fear of danger. Danger was everywhere if I let it be, but God was greater than any danger I knew that, and the children truly did deserve better, the cabin was fine for vacations, but this vacation had turned into months and if we didn’t watch it, it would turn into years. I could not do that to my children, I could not always run from the shadows of the past. I wanted to do something more than that. I wanted to stop running, and now I knew that it was time I did.
It didn’t take long for everyone to pack bags, and put things in the motor home ready to leave once again. I think we were all ready to get back to the business of living. Jasmine and Ahad deserved to have friends they could play with, Ana deserved to be able to chat on the phone with her friends, talking about boys, or whatever else came to my sixteen year old daughters mine, and Mechela deserved to go to school like other children her age. She deserved to be where she was closer to doctors and physical therapists, where she could continue to beat all the odds Spina- Bifida had placed on her.
“I am glad we are finally going to leave the cabin.” Ana admitted. “I love this place, but truth is I am getting tired of the solitude, I love you guys, but I want to be around my friends, people my age. Thank you Mom.”
“Ana you are welcome, but it was time we did this anyway. You and your sister and brother deserve not to have to live in fear of the shadows, it’s time I started stepping out in faith.”
“Mom you are one of the most faithful people I know. You have taught us to keep our faith in the Lord too, and we are grateful for that, even though I am sure there are times sometimes we do not show it.”
Lord thank you for giving me the strength to do what is right for my children. I want to be a good parent, and I want to give my children a good life.“Thank you Ana, I love you”
Lean on me my child, you will find comfort.
“I love you too Mom.”
Before long our family was back on the road, but this time we were not running away, we were running back to the place that was once our home. We would stay there long enough to put the house on the market, we would stay there until we could find something bigger for our now bigger family. One had flown the nest, but Anna and Mechela were with us now, and they deserved to have at least rooms of their own, especially after all they had been through.
Leaving the cabin was exhilarating, because finally we were getting back to our lives. Finally we were no longer running from monsters. God was in control, but still I could not help but feel that danger was coming.
It seemed danger was always around the corner.
But the Lord protected us as he always did. I knew that.
Lord keep us protected. Show us how to be safe, and ease our fears, we know you are in control Lord.“Marishka I am glad we decided to get back to the business of living. It will be nice to have a little privacy to be able to spend some on one time with my wife. I love our family don’t get me wrong, but I was starting to feel as if we were just passing in the night so to speak.”
“I do understand how you felt Jacob, I felt much the same way, but after much prayer and consideration, this was what I felt the Lord was calling us to do,”
“I believe that too.”
“Thank you Jacob, for supporting me through this, for supporting us.”
“Your welcome. I am here for you always.”
“Thank you Jacob.”
“Your welcome. Did you call and let them know at the precinct we were coming back?”
“Yeah, they said they could use us, we could work the cases from the precinct or home.”
“Good I am glad we had a job to come back to.”
“We were working while we were at the cabin too.”
“Yeah, but it just didn’t have the same feel or excitement to it.”
“Your right about that.”
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Dealing With Sin in the Church
15 “If your brother or sister[
18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be[
19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
12 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.
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