Every noise had me terrified.
My father had succeeded in holding me prisoner, maybe not physically, but in a much worse way. Psychologically.
I hated living in this kind of fear, I knew the importance of giving our fears, and worries to the Lord, but it had seemed impossible at the moment.
I once again turned to my Bible searching for comfort and strength in God’s words. Something I always found when I truly looked and truly paged.
I knew the Lord would get me through this, at least in my heart, but my flesh was determined to make me miserable.
I could not let the monster who was supposed to be my Father have that kind of hold on me, or on any of my family.
1 The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, 2 it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.
3 Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
4 say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”
5 Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
6 Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.
7 The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
8 And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness;
it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
9 No lion will be there,
nor any ravenous beast;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
10 and those the LORD has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away
Everything went black.
Maybe it was finally over, maybe it was finally ending.
I was ready for it to end.
Lord let him do what he will to me, but keep my children safe, keep Jacob safe. Keep my sisters safe. His greatest grief is with me, Lord keep my family out of it, keep them safe. They don’t need to go through this, no one does.I felt strong lethal hands, grab me.
I had no idea what was going to happen, all I knew was it was time this ended.
It had to end.
We could not always live in this fear.
In a strange way, this was almost a relief, the shadows were gone, the reality was here.
He had come after me.
For some reason I did not feel the terror I felt before. It was almost relief.
Relief that the chasing was finally done.
I was sure their was more terror to come, but the Lord was giving me a sense of peace.
Nothing was out of the good Lord’s hands.
He was answering my prayers to ease my fears.
I was not going to give my Father the satisifaction of seeing me squirm.
He was not going to know the fear I had, because the power of the Lord out weight any power he thought he had.
No matter what this monster thought, God was in control.
This monster did not have any more control than God let him. I rested comforted in that fact.
My Bible fell to the ground, as the monster cursed.
Still the fear was not great.
Thank you Lord for your peace.
I dropped my Bible.Shortly after I closed my Bible, I heard a noise, a voice, a voice that was far to familiar.I was going to succeed only at making my children terrified if I did not stop letting the fear overtake me. I had reason to be afraid yes, but it wasn’t going to do me any good. If anything it would weaken my senses not heighten them.