Rx Line, Then more thoughts.... 8:51 PM 3/14/2010
The sweating and chills escalated into a torrent of anxiety. Walking down the aisle of sodas and beernuts was just one aisle from the frozen food section. I shivered. The end of the line went fast – ahh relief. Sick no more.
I said nothing until I do 4 (knowing I only needed 2) but I had to laugh because I feel much better. Feeling hilarious for just a brief few seconds made my entire body numb and acceptable. From rags to riches to rags again in 45 seconds.
The starbucks challenge. There is always someone in the group at town hall that yells “I cant’ taste the difference”. I took the test and got it wrong.
Getting home: Just to sit here in this little tiny cupboard of a studio/apartment and be grateful for the little stuffed animals, my dusty clip-laden lamp in the corner of my black second-hand 3-coat black spray painted desk on a wonderful desk chair made for an executive secretary that I got from my daughter, and for my husband sanding the $40 coffee table down to its original oak makes my world rock. The birds rock too as they sit one in each corner of the bed under the high ceiling fan set on medium chit-chat back and forth to each other while the news is on low volume. This is life at its best. Just to sit in my space with stuffed animals all around, regardless of my dentures uneven fit and my grinding of teeth. It’s all good and comforting to feel well again and have peace of mind.
On one side let the world see. Let them see the shadows on the walls and feathers in their niches billowing in the breeze of the fan. On the other hand, let no one see anything from the inside out, from the point of view of the fly on the wall. The bite of ripe pear skinned and waiting on the napkin for the last hour tasted so good, it’s a wonder I wait to devour such a burst of life to the tastebuds for absence of sugar and flour.
I just got a bite of a pear shoved into my ambient out-of-body experience and after receiving it so politely on the outside and so irritating on the inside. I hate to chew, even if it is a gift on a platter with love, I discovered again what orgasm of the tastebuds can do for you. As for losing weight, my tastebuds are the key to my shrinking bodily existence’s future. Oh, and don’t throw away the bottle caps because they are reward points. Look down as you walk, honey. It’s amazing what you will find with your eyes on your feet as you shuffle down the street. It looks rather odd but there is a purpose to every reason under heaven.
Feeling like a soaring person in a chair is a wonderment to my chomping dentures that are coming loose again. Time for reinstallation. I am so grateful to be grateful. Numb is more like it. I have a hole in my heart from dentures taking away my ability to play my flute anymore. I can't ever play music again. I played for 45 years. Algone...... I'm empty inside but Rx makes me feel good at faking it. My eyes are seeing double again. I hate when that happens. It is time for a pair of glasses that actually work at the computer. I must stop now and further my ideas for later, and fix my teeth before crepes a’ la Michael. Yummy….
It's time to lay down again. Tonight is my last night for the month that I can con out of life and fizzle into a dream invisibly. It's Grandma time tomorrow and then 3 a day for 30 days. I prefer 5 a day, but I got cut back. I want to be cut off for good. I mean, REALLY cut off of all this living stuff. It's too tough and I am always in some kind of put down for something I did wrong. I can't do anything right it seems. So, I hope this cocktail works because it is a luxury rarely available. I'm feeling a little lighter. That's good. So, good night for now. I'm not always this pessamistic. I'm just ready to knock myself out for 12 hours. Then back to the land of the living. The living loves me for some odd reason. Wish I did. Later.