As the conversations between Layla and me continued details about life in Egypt for me came up but she also had vague memories about her self and how she had been captured by Egyptian raiders, sold as a slave, brutalized and other wise violated. Iais, she remembered was very bitter by the time she arrived in Egypt, a trip which took several months, several masters, and she had been sold twice before arriving at my gang.
That was part of her memories.
Now the final disposition of our relationship was vague. We both tried to remember exactly what was the nature of our relationship, who had made her pregnant, and what happened to the baby was unclear. Try as we may neither of us could remember what really happened. One thing was clear was that she died. Whether in child-birth or by her own hand was not clear to me or to her.
The lack of knowledge about what happened at that point started to make both of us uneasy. The existence of this supposed previous life in our own memory set now it became clear was slowing having, an emotional impact upon both of us as a couple.
How can that be I started to think that these memories which might not, after all, be real at all, start to affect Layla and myself, thousands of years later?
But more I could sense that the more she remembered the more upset and angry she became, as if I were in fact Rachma, and had harmed her in some way-which by the way even in my own vague memory, I believed, that her memory of my part in all that was accurate. I became convinced that perhaps I did harm her in some way, perhaps the father of her child, or that she grew so unhappy that she took her own life, rather than give birth to an Egyptian baby.
Or as I remembered on my own that often wives or lovers took their own lives if their husband died. What were the circumstances with she and I, We simply could not remember.
It was as if this had been blotted out in both of our memory banks.
I talked to my friends who had asked her to dinner to find out more about Layla and they told me that she had had a rough time of it as a child and indeed had difficulties, but that she was a survivor and was over-coming her past.
Layla and I gradually dropped off in our discussions and finally they ceased because we both became uncomfortable with those conversations.
But it came to me that supposed that there was some truth to the past life thing. And suppose that indeed reincarnation existed. In reading I discovered a little more about how it was supposed to work.
Suppose I indeed, had come back; indeed had met her, Layla again, the purpose being to pay off Karmic Debt?
I started to read a little about Karmic Debt which is the working out of past lessons unlearned in subsequent lives—sometimes in general, and sometimes with specific individuals from past lives.
I started to give more thought to this proposition. I have an innate curiosity and was not about to ignore a juicy idea such as this. More, I was interested to see how and what my particular Karmic Debt might be and how that would be worked out in my current life.
The first thing I extrapolated from the Layla experience is that as Rachma I was a difficult task-master, and not the nicest guy. I had also, the readings said, to make up for that behavior in this life. Now what was that supposed to be? I gave it some thought and approached the problem from the point of view of what was I being guided to do, despite my goals and presuppositions.
Over several years I felt that I had discovered something along these lines. My fate, my Karmic debt was to serve others. Simple as that.Despite my other life goals, it seemed that I was continually drawn to activities which served that purpose.
Attempts to follow other goals, fame and wealth simply did not work out for me or I found myself turning down opportunities offered me. I still am doing that.
It dawned on me that I was being pushed toward the service goal despite my self.
Was this my Karmic Debt, to make up for past behavior in past lives? I am not sure. But as this point I am not sure that there might not be something to it.
Anyway I noted that I was happiest in simply following the Karmic path, or whatever one might call it.
But, I thought several years later about those other past lives I seem to have some memories about.
I remembered being a young girl in Holland who was ultimately sent to a nunnery for a transgression. I remember being a French solon performer playing the harpsichord like instrument for rich French patrons. (I, from a young age had a love of the piano.)
Another life was that of a young girl in England who never married, lived alone mostly because her mother died in child birth and her wealthy merchant father traveled a lot.
The last life I seem to remember is that of an Indian student in the 40’s who came to America to study at the University of Chicago.
Now, in the coming days I will try to relate a few of the memories I remember, but should note they are not as detailed as the Egyptian one.
My interest in them at this point is that I started to connect those past lives and particular interests and aptitudes I currently possess in this life.
Now who knows if all this is in only in my mind. But I do regard it as performing archeology in the human mind looking for meaning it this life.
I am also aware that modern science currently argues from premises around quantum theory and even Einstein that past present and future exist simultaneously.
These ideas are taken very seriously these days. Even different dimensions, and parallel worlds, and even infinite versions of ourselves may exist.
So what is a little reincarnation idea in the midst of all that?