Jaylene Jones here. Hope this finds you well; for me, things remain about the same, but I am not giving up that easily.
I have taken the parenting classes that my parole officer suggested that I take; I passed with flying colors. I feel that I could be a much better mother to my baby girl, Je'neia Turquoise (called Turquoise for short), aged six. In addition, I am still fighting the courts to try to get my other child, my baby son, Roderick TaShawn, who is almost eight months old, back. It's a long, hard, drawn out process, but I have good people who are working with me on this.
Roderick is about the same: no real change in his overall condition. Doctors still remain guarded about his prognosis. When he was just a few months old, my ex boyfriend, TaShawn, threw the baby down the stairs because he wouldn't stop crying; TaShawn is now in jail, where he will remain for twenty years. Not nearly long enough in my opinion; the bastard deserves to rot in jail for what he did to the baby.
Because of TaShawn, little Roderick is damaged for the rest of his life. He will probably never walk, talk, see, or do anything on his own; he will probably need 24-hour care, even when he grows up to be an adult (that is, if he lives that long). He currently is staying at an institiution for severely handicapped children, but I want him back in my life. So I am fighting like hell to regain custody.
I think I can tend to his needs. I have been taking care of children like my son, and although it was extremely daunting at first, I can now feel confident that I can handle seizures, feeding tubes, chest physiotherapy, physical and occupational therapies, and whatnot, things that would help little Roderick in the long run.
The children I have worked with are the total cases, but even with all their problems, they are still great kids. They laugh, they love, they let me know what's going on in their special way; no child is too hopeless in my eyes. They are beautiful; I just wish that life was kinder to them or that they didn't have to end up like this, either at birth or afterwards (like my son did).
Turquoise still asks about her brother or when she can come stay with me. She loves grandma (my mamma), but she would rather be with me. I don't blame her. After all, I am her mother; she deserves that! She's already lost her daddy; she doesn't need to lose her mommy (me) as well! I want to be a much better parent not only to Turquoise, but to Roderick!
As of now, the living arrangments stand. Turquoise is to stay with my mamma, but I am trying to get that appealed. Same applies to Roderick. I don't like the thought of him being cared for by strangers! I want to hold him, change him, take care of his needs and let him know that I love him and want to be his mommy!
Mamma is not happy about me wanting to have her grandbabies, but as for now, I don't fucking care. I want my babies! I want them so bad it hurts!!
Well, I am going to go to bed. Busy day tomorrow. More calls on the telephone, more haggling with my lawyer and the court. I swear this will never end, but it has to, one day! I just hope all works out for the benefit for my children (and myself) in the end! Just keep me in your prayers; I really could use a miracle (or maybe two or three) in my life!
~To be continued.~