I was home now, home.

Staring at the spot of blood on the floor in my “writing cave” where I had been shot.

Hoping, praying the blood would give me answers.

Sheila had brought me home from the hospital, when I had been discharged earlier that day. I would have to relearn to drive, relearn to drive, without the use of my legs.

It was all starting to hit now.

I couldn’t walk.

I may never walk again.

The pill was hard to swallow, but it was one I was going to have to swallow. I was going to have to face the reality.

“Myra are you okay?” Sheila asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” I admitted to my best friend. There would be no use trying to lie to her, she would read through that like one of my novels.

“Your strong Myra, and you have faith, and friends who care. Don’t forget that.”

“I know Sheila, I am just wanting answers. I want to be able to tell them something, anything that will be able t help the cops catch this monster.”

“I know you did Myra, but I don’t think staring at that blood stain any longer is going to do anything, but take you back to a time you don’t want to be at now.”

“Sheila in some ways I think I will always go back to that night, I will certainly always live with what happened that night.”

“I know you will Myra.”

I was grateful for Sheila, for what she was doing for me. For her love and support. I knew that without my best friend I would not get through this. The Lord had placed Sheila into my life for a reason. I needed a best friend like Sheila.

She encouraged me not to give up in her own way.

I was going to need that, I knew that, I understood that.

I was going to need to be pushed from time to time, because I knew that there would be times I would not want to fight so much. I was going to need to fight to get stronger. I was home now, but I still had a long way to go. Getting stronger, going through physical therapy, rebuilding my life, it was going to take work. A lot of hard work, and though I was not afraid of hard work I knew their would be times when I would need Sheila’s support. She would push me when I could not push myself any longer.

Lord thank you for letting me have a friend like Sheila. I am going to need her throughout this, but more than that I am going to need you.I was grateful for my faith, because I knew without that I would not make it through this. My faith was anchor it was what kept me grounded. I would not be able to do anything without the faith that carried me this far. I would have wanted to give up long ago.

Facing paralysis was not something I would want to face along. Facing the fact that I was now a paraplegic. Even now the words sounded foreign to my lips, but I understood what it meant. I wasn’t sure what all it would implicate though, because I was just facing this reality.

A reality that wasn’t easy, but it was mine.

I could not pretend this away.

The reality was that I was in a chair, that I could no longer walk, because someone had shot me.

But why? Who?

Would I ever have the answers I sought? Would I ever remember anything that would lead the cops to whoever did this?

One thing was certain Sheila was right, staring at the blood stain was not going to give me the answers I thought. If anything it was only going to serve to drive me mad. I had to figure out another way. I had to remember something.

To get my mind off of what I could not remember I turned my Bible to Colossians 2:

Colossians 2

1 I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[

a] of this world rather than on Christ. b] was put off when you were circumcised by[c] Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. d] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e] Finally after awhile I was able to relax, remembering more the importance of having fullness in Christ, than having the answers at this very moment. And I could look at my blessing I was alive. If the person was out to kill me they had not succeeded. Obviously God had other plans for me, better plans for me.

9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh[

13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[

Freedom From Human Rules

16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. 19 They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

I was grateful I was here, grateful to be alive. I looked forward to going to Heaven one day, but I was still young, and had a lot of living to do. I was not afraid to die but it was obviously not my time. I had to thank God for every moment he gave me, for getting me this far.

If the bullet had been a few centimeters higher, I could have died. Or I could have been paralyzed from the neck down. Funny in a way I was looking at being paralyzed from the waist down as a blessing, because I could still use my arms, I could breathe on my own. I wasn’t going to depend on machines to live. I would not have to go through that.