Me, Myself, and I
Me, Myself, and I were walking down the sidewalk together which is never a good idea because they did not get along well. I didn't like Myself very much and as for Me, well, that's another story in itself. As one might expect, the problems started this time the same as it always did when I began talking to Myself.
I said, "Self?"
Myself he said, "What do you want? Why don't you talk to Me? You leave Me out of everything. Don't you understand that is hurtful?" Myself was always grouchy but I never understood why.
I said, "Self, you know that's not true . I have feelings for Me."
Myself he said, "Oh yeah? What about the time we went to the movies and you were mad at Me? Do you remember that?"
I said, "No, not really."
Myself he said, "That's not surprising. You only remember the things that are hurtful to you. It went something like this. You wanted to hurt Me, so when you saw the biggest, meanest, ugliest looking guy there, you couldn't shut up. You told that big dude, if you had a dog that looked like him you'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards. That guy was so mad he hurt all three of us."
Before I could respond, they reached their destination and I could not talk to Myself anymore because other people might think I was nuts.