It was not easy, none of this was, but I was alive. I had survived something that could have easily killed me, and I needed to be thankful for that. The truth was I was thankful for that, but I had a lot of other things on my mind too, like the fact that the monster who had shot me in my own house was still out there someone possibly hurting someone else.
I had to stop thinking about the negative though, of course it was in the back of my mind and wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, but I had to think of something more positive to focus on I had to get to writing again. I just couldn’t let the time slip by me, because I was becoming worried about something I had no control over.
I didn’t think a career in writing would turn into something I feared Lord, that it would lead to this kind of violence. All I wanted to do was tell the stories that you gave, and I got shot for the effort I have trouble coming to terms with that Lord. I have trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am in this chair too, but it’s a part of my life Lord, and I am grateful to be here, and I know you have the power to turn something positive out of this. I just ask that you give me the strength to see that when my mind is so full of questions. I love you Lord and I know you are worthy of all my praises.After my time in prayer I found myself sitting at my computer working on a novel idea that had began forming days before. In an essence I was going to be writing about what happened to me, though I was going to fictionalize it, I felt propelled to do this. As if the Lord was telling me to turn something negative into a positive. It was not going to be easy for me to write this, and I understood that, but it was something I could and would do.
I let myself get lost in the story for awhile. I was telling a story I had lived in an essence, but it was not as hard as I thought it was going to be, at least not at first, the Lord was giving me the strength I needed to write this story and I knew I owed the thanks to him.
It felt good to be writing again, to really be writing. Finally I was going to have something new to show my agent. She’d been asking me for awhile now, and I had been afraid. It was as if being shot had paralyzed my words as well for awhile, but that was over now and I was more than grateful for that. I felt so much better when I was writing. I felt so much more complete.
Lord thank you for giving me my words back, or for letting them find them once again. I know I was letting the fear get the best of me, and now that I am starting to get past that, I am able to write again. I truly appreciate that Lord, and I do give you my praises.I loved getting lost in the story, though this one was harder than most to write, at least I was writing. Perhaps it was not the story I would have chosen to write before, but it was the story I was writing now, because it was the story that had come out of me getting shot, and paralyzed, and it was a way of letting me release some of the frustration anger, but more than that it was a way of letting me tell a story, and give the Lord the praises despite everything that happened. I knew that the fact that I had been shot did not lessen the Lord’s place in my life it was a test of faith for sure, but it was not going to break my faith. I had not stopped leaning on the Lord if anything I was going to lean harder now.
I was so busy writing I didn’t hear Sheila leave or come in. She was surprised to find me at my computer writing when she came in with dinner. My best friend was still trying to do what she could to help me while slowly letting me gain my independence back again. The truth was I still needed her help in some areas, but she was wise enough to know when to back away. I was grateful for that, and grateful for the fact that I was getting stronger.
I may never walk on this side of heaven and then again if the Lord willed it I may, but no matter what I could live my life for the Lord, and continue to write. I could do what the Lord called me to do, which is what I was going to do.
“I am so glad to see you writing again.” Sheila said.
“Believe me I am glad to be writing again.”
“You seem to be doing better today.”
“If you mean I am not so down and so afraid your right. I had a nice talk with the Lord and it did a world of good.”
“It usually does.” Sheila said. “I know your readers will be happy when they have something new to read of yours. I’ll be happy too.”
“Don’t worry you’ll get to read it.” I said teasing Sheila. She always got the first copy and knew it. Often she read my work before even my editor or agent did.
“I know I will, and don’t you give up on it Myra.”
“As long as the Lord gives me the words I will write.”
“Good. Now eat something and then you can get back to writing.”
“Actually I think I am done for now, how about we go out and do a little shopping?”
I couldn’t believe I was volunteering to go shopping. Ever since I had been shot I hated going out, I went out , because I felt I had to, out of some sort of obligation. But now I actually found myself wanting to get out of the house and do something. I knew that was progress.
“You bet.” Sheila agreed.
“I know you probably thought I would never want to go out again to do something fun, I know I was starting to feel that way, but suddenly I just have an urge to do a little shopping to get out of the house.”
“That’s great Myra, let’s go before you change your mind.”
Just getting up and going was no longer an option I could not get ready in ten minutes and run out the door like I had before the accident. But I still managed to get changed out of the clothes I was wearing and wheeled out the door in a short amount of time. What had once taken me forever was coming faster. I was making progress even if at times the progress seemed a little to slow. I knew that I was doing the best I could and I had to be grateful for that.
“Let’s go and enjoy ourselves, before you change your mind.”
“I think I want to go to the bookstore first.” Was my response. The last time I had been to the bookstore was the night of the reading, when the notes had left me terrified, and now I was wanting to go back, and not out of obligation. I just needed some reading material. And if someone wanted me to sign copies while I was there so be it. Though that wasn’t the plan. After that we would go shopping for some new clothes and have lunch. It would be fun just having a girls day, a best friends day.