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Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen

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The Price I Pay Chapter Eleven
By Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen
Saturday, August 20, 2011

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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I canít take the little things for granted anymore, because it only takes an instant for everything to change.

Chapter Eleven:

The game had to stop, this person had to be caught. I could not spend my life living in fear of the man or woman who shot me, or the threatening letters or messages.

How had he got into my account to leave that kind of message anyway. I took every precaution when I was on my computer. I wasn’t stupid I knew that you had to be safe. I knew it now more than ever.

So how had I ended up getting shot and paralyzed?

I was still trying to wrap my mind around all of this, but it wasn’t easy. None of this was.

If it weren’t for my faith and for my best friend I could not get through this. I would have given up the moment I found out I would never walk again. I know I can’t do that though, because that is not what the Lord wants and it’s not what I want. I want to live my life to the fullest, whether or not I am in this chair. I want to continue writing books, and being able to go to book signings or author events without fearing for my life.

Right now the truth is I am afraid for my life.

These message from this mysterious sender is scaring me.

I wish they would stop tormenting me like this. I don’t like these head games. I am sure no one does.

This in a way is worse than the physical act of being shot, because I am left to wonder. Left to be afraid.

What monsters lurk in the dark?I have gotten to the point I am afraid to turn on my computer. That doesn’t help me much with the writing. I need the computer to write, to send things out. I am completely capable of writing long hand, but in order for my work to get out there it needs to be on the computer.

 

Handwritten manuscripts are things of long ago.

Why am I letting this person torment me like this Lord? Why aren’t you stopping him or her? I have a million questions Lord, questions I am not sure I will ever have the answers for.As I often do I find myself turning to the Lord for comfort and this time the verses of Psalm 42:

 

I love the image of the deer panting for water. Sheer poetry.

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One[

d]
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
I can not stand by and let this fear take over me. I need to face my fears. I need to get back to living. I need to go out in public and do things again.

5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

 

I need to go to the grocery store, and do my own shopping.

I can’t take the little things for granted anymore, because it only takes an instant for everything to change.

Only takes an instant for a bullet to lodge in your spine changing your life forever.

I know now how quickly things can change. I know that life isn’t always easy, but even in the hard times if we lean on the Lord he is there. He is not the one who gets lost we are from time to time.

Sometimes we let the bad things color our thinking and our faith, and I understand now that is not a place we should be.

When we are struggling we should lean on the Lord for strength.

I understand now though that, that in itself can be hard. Especially when we wonder how a good Lord can allow bad things to happen.

But it’s not the Lord whose the creator of the bad, the Lord is a creator of the good.

I know that now, though I must admit sometimes I find myself shaking my fists and asking the good Lord why.

Why did I have to get shot? Why am I being tormenting like this? Since when is writing Christian Mysteries a job that can turn into something dangerous?Still despite the questions I know the Lord is good, he is not the author of evil. Evil is the author of evil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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