I still think of Micah as my son.
Even though he lives with a different family now, he will always be a part of me. He lives on in my heart and thoughts.
Micah Daniel is a permanent member of the Patterson family; they legally adopted him about two/three years ago. I am happy he has a family to take care of him and love him; meanwhile my own heart continues to break and bleed each time I think about him and realize just how much I miss him.
Micah is five years old and is about to start kindergarten next week. He has dark wavy hair and intense blue eyes; he looks a lot like my ex husband, who left me when I was first diagnosed with the MS (which was the reason why I gave Micah up in the first place; I have the progressive kind of MS, the kind that kills).
Amber, his mother, is set to deliver twin boys around Christmas time. Micah is going to be a big brother! She is now almost five months pregnant and doing very well, from what I hear. The Daniels family keeps in close contact with me via e-mails (which I can read with a special machine) or phone calls. I even get to talk to Micah, which is the greatest feeling in the world: he still tells me he loves me and that he is lucky "because he has two mommies and a daddy who love him". To hear that makes me feel so proud!
He is such a loving, caring little boy! Apparently he inherited my love for people and animals, which is more than I can ay about my ex, who cared for nobody but himself.
Amber and Scott (her husband) have told me that they will bring Micah to see me this coming weekend. I can't wait; I want to be able to see him before I lose my vision entirely! (I can see some objects, as long as they're in brght light or if they're light colors, but they're terribly blurry. Yet my vision will eventually be to where I won't be able to see anything.)
I am sure that we will have a good time together. This will be the very first time I will have seen my son since I gave him up when he was a baby. I hope he doesn't hate me, even though he tells me on the phone that he doesn't, but I am sure deep down, somewhere, he must. That is my biggest fear.
I just hope that seeing me, his biological mother, won't damage him for life. That is my other biggest fear.
Well, I am going to lie down; I am feeling weak and nauseated; this heat is about to kill me. I will write in here again soon; hopefully the next entry will be happier! It should be because I will get to finally see my baby boy! It has been too long!!
~To be continued.~