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Aleksandar Krzavac

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Member Since: Nov, 2011

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ANECDOTES
By Aleksandar Krzavac
Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Funny and bitter anecdotes

SEARCHING WIFE

Bad looking man is walking down the street.

Another curious man stops him and asks: “What’s going with you buddy? Why are you downhearted?

Bad looking man answers: »I lost my wife«.

Curious man replies:«That`s not the end of the World«. I lost mine too, ten days ago«.

Bad looking man:»My Susan is skinny, slim, tall blonde with green eyes and long legs«.

Curious man surprised:«Oh, that`s awfull. Let`s go searching Susan together«.

SAUCERS

When I was 10 year old kid (approximately 40 years ago) I used to chat with other people on flying saucers, UFOs. Once upon a time I have tried to start discussion on that topic with my grandmother.

I said: “Are you willing to talk about flying saucers”, hoping she would accept the offer.

She disappointed me by words “I cannot manage my saucers in sink, not to mention flying saucers”.

RIFFLE SHOOTING

When I served the Army, that was mandatory 25 years ago, we had outdoor riffle shooting into circle target containing 10 concentrated circles with small black one in the center.

Shooting marks were: good, very good, excellent and finally awful. There was soldier carrying flag and megaphone, running form one to another target, who reported shooting results. Soldier reported each single result by marks – good, very good etc…

Soldiers were supposed to reply dull phrase “Serving People”.

One shooting result report was “Awful”.

Proud shooter shouted loudly: “Serving People”.

RELIABILITY OF STATISTICS

Two economists are discussing statistics.

“Statistics is very powerful analytical tool that could help solving many important life issues”, first economist said.

“You must be kidding. Do you really think so? », second economist said.

»Yes, I do. Statistics is almigty«, first economist sharply replied.

»Okay. Let me explain how objective statistics is. For example, I had sex with a dozen of girls last year and you did not sleep with any damned girl. According to statistics each of us had sex with 6 girls last year«, second economist said.

PLANE COMING DOWN ISSUE

My 4 year old daughter Theodora likes to planes flying in blue sky.

She is very happy seeing creamy white stripe behind tiny plane in high sky.

It was nice warm summer day we walked in park.

At one point Theodora noticed plane in the high sky.

“Hey, Daddy look at that plane”, she said thrilled.

I said: “Okay, I hope you don’t mind flying by plane.

“Oh, no I don’t know how to come down from plane”, my daughter said sharply.

LEAP YEAR

Two men talking to each other on their stepmothers.

One men says: ”I am lucky I visit my stepmother once in four your on her birthday. She was born on February 29th.

Other replies him: ”Not good, it’s too frequent”.

KINDERGARTEN

My daughter Ann had friend in kindergarten called Ivan when she was 4 year old.

One day she was disappointed I asked her what was happening.

“Ivan has not come to kindergarten today”, she said.

“Why”, I asked.

“He has inflammation of the ovaries”, my daughter briefly answered.

JAILED HORSE

Mary is 5 year old curious girl.

One day watching movie on TV she notice scene with jailed men and asked her mother: “Hey, mom who are those guys wearing strange uniforms”?

“Those people are jailed for some crime they committed”, mom said.

Once upon a time small Mary was in ZOO visit.

At one point she saw zebra and cried: ”Mummy, see that jailed horse”.

COMMUNIST PERIOD STUDENT JOKE

Once upon a time in a communist country university student at Faculty of political science asked his colleague whether he had passed exam.

Another student replies: “Fine…I have just failed to pass exam”.

First student surprised comments: “Are you crazy, what’s fine”?

His colleague sharply replies: ”Ivan has been arrested”.

BEAUTY

Once upon a time when I was high school student I was with my classmate Goran on break in school garden.

Good looking girl started starring at Goran and me. Immediately I answered by starring at her.

She said: “Why do you look at me. Beauty cannot pass over you”.

I was not confused, so I sharply replied: “You are not ugly at all, too”.

 

NOT GROWN UP

 

A boy in kindergarten has asked my 5 year old daughter Ellen

“Hey, will you be my girl?

“Oh, no… I can only be your best girl friend. When I grow up I can be your girl”, she responded briefly.


 


 

 

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Reviewed by J Howard 12/1/2011
too funny....loved the statistician comment but...as a step mother ...h-m-m-i will take the fifth, i suppose.

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