A year has gone by since I last wrote, and I'm afraid things haven't changed all that much. In fact, things have seemed to have gotten worse ...
I know the other members of the choir say they are my friends, but are they REALLY?? I mean, I still see them looking at me with their eyes, and, believe me, the looks aren't ones of admiration or love: if anything, they are disgusted by the very sight of me. I am sorry; I didn't ask to be fat!!
They say they like me, but I don't konw. I notice I never get invited to church functions or have any of the other ladies call me to check up on me or ask me if I need anything. It is getting to be a chore; I think after this Cantata year, I just might drop out of the church choir altogether.
I don't have any problems with Jessie, the leader. She's as fearless (and as dedicated) as ever. She is also very sweet and is always trying to encourage me. I really appreciate that. If it were not for Jessie, I wouldn't even BE in this stupid Cantata that's coming up!!
I don't have any problems with the music. I know my solo part perfectly. I could sing it backwards as well as frontways. I am singing the solo part in our musical, which is called "The Gift". I am singing the solo part in "O Bless The Lord". It's just that whenever I am singing, I see the other choir ladies staring at me with jealousy and contempt (or is it HATE??) in their eyes because I got picked to do the solo and they didn't.
Jessie keeps telling me not to worry about what the other girls think, but I know better. I know she is as worried about them as I am, if not more so. After all, this IS Christmas: Christmas should be all about loving your fellow man, not being jealous or hating them!!
I sincerely hope that after tonight's practice, Jessie will give them a good talking-to. I hate being judged like this because I am so big!! (I have tried just about every diet on the plenet; for a while they work and I lose the weight, but then something happens, and I get depressed and I start eating again, and it's just become a vicious cycle!) I have had it with their judging me or treating me like a pariah or seeing them laughing with their eyes or pointing at me every time my back is turned!!
Well, I have to go. I am going to try to concentrate on my song and not let the fact that I am hated by the choir bother me (yet it does! It truly, really DOES!!). Pray for me; I could really use God's help about now!!
~To be continued.~